attitude

good ol' dictionary.com defines 'attitude' as "manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind: a negative attitude; group attitudes.
that was before i discovered google chrome, where all you needed to do was type "define: attitude" and you'd get the definition "a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways; "he had the attitude that work was fun"
position: the arrangement of the body and its limbs; "he assumed an attitude of surrender"
anyways, how come i'm writing a blog post on attitude?
i wouldn't, but lately, mother has taken to jeering @ me every so often (quite regularly, in fact ><) that i've got a 'bad attitude'.
i'm not really sure what she's going on about ... i mean, i've always thought that i try fairly hard to maintain a positive outlook on life, stay positive and all that kinda stuff; despite the situation god's dumped me into, i still try my hardest to make the most out of everyday.
mother likes telling me that if i comply and do everything she demands i do for her exactly the way she wants me to perform, my life would be so much better for me in just one year. to be honest, i'm not really sure if i believe that ... how does what she's claiming works?
first example: stop crying, she tells me. but i've always believed that tears are just the natural expression of one's feelings. if i'm sad/upset/angry/hurt, then yes, sometimes i get teary.
second example: stop hating god. well, i'm not sure, are we even allowed to hate god? the thing is, though, i reckon god hated me first. yeah, i know there's a passage in the bible somewhere that talks about god loving us first, but i'm pretty sure there isn't one talking about god hating you ... it's a question i ask myself every single day: what did i do/not do that was so sinful/evil to god's eyes that he would gleefully smite me down with a brain tumour and turn my life completely upside-down? i mean, was it that i didn't pray enough to god? or sing worship songs to him loud enough? or give enough offering to him? that's a question i'm still waiting for and answer to, and somehow, i don't think i'll ever receive an answer.
so do i have a bad attitude or not? well, honestly, i don't think i do, and mother says i do. now, if there's one thing mother's taught me in life is that i MUST believe EVERYTHING she tells me, coz she'd never lie to me. fair enough then, i've got a bad attitude. i'll work on it, then.
and could all BCAC ppl do me a favour? if you see me stomping around with a bad attitude, kindly lemme know! sth like, "oi, em, your attitude sucks. get a better one right now, or i'm gonna kick you up the ass." :P thanks!
next post ... the april book club, i think! i've just finished the book yesterday~ righteo, until then!
cheers,
em. ^^