Heylo, one
and all! Look, it’s already December: where has 2024 flown?? Well, time flies
when you’re having fun; heck, time flies even when you’re not having
fun!
Me, I’m a
fan of having fun. I tried to start having fun on the second day of the year by
going to see a movie! While the carer wiped and dried the toilet seat for my usage,
I tried to speed up the process by pulling my pants down. Suddenly, I lost
balance? My right arm made a wild grab for the handrail attached to the wall
but I was outta reach and just fell backwards. I remembered to lean forwards as
I was going down, but backward momentum meant my head went backwards too and
after my bum hit the ground, my head contacted the ground next with an audible bok!
That alerted my carer and she ran towards me, screeching “Em!! Are you
alright??” From the ground, I replied, Um, sorry? Whoops I lost balance and
fell backwards.”
Luckily, I
hadn’t hurt myself, so I just bum-shuffled back to the handrail, hauled myself
back upright and used the toilet. After watching the movie, as my carer was
driving me home, I asked her could you please not tell mother? Coz if she finds
out she’ll bite my head off (thankfully not literally XD) and you’ll haveta
write an incident report but I don’t wanna create more work for you since I was
such an ass. But my carer was a good girl (she’s only one year older than me)
and said nah, I’d better let your mother know what happened. In that case, I
decided I’d better e-mail Michelle (my case co-ordinator at CODA; they employ
carers who look after me) and let her know what happened too and I felt very
touched when the very next day, Michelle rang mother just to check that I’d
pulled up alright! Aww, I am a valued client after all! XD
I’m unsure
how it is for able-bodied people but for me, there’s never any moment of, oh
sh*t I’m losing balance I’m gonna fall but rather it happens like
instantaneously: one second, I’m up, and the next second I’m already on the
floor! One night the parents had invited a church couple over for dinner at our
place; after dinner, I’d excused myself and returned online when nature
suddenly called. Since mother only walks behind me to keep me safe when there
are other people around to see what a ‘good’ mum she is I didn’t bother telling
her that I needed the bathroom but just got up myself and started heading for
the toilet. Suddenly, I somehow trip over nothing and – plop! – in the next
second I’m suddenly already down on the floor! I’d barely registered that I’d
fallen when either parents’ voice comes from the dining table, summoning me to
come back and eat fruit/eat dessert/drink tea! It just so happened that the
church couple over at our place for dinner that night were both physios and I
could hardly call back um, I’ve just fallen over; would you please ask Aunty
Yvonne/Uncle Stephen to pull me back upright now could I?? Grateful to belong
to a Toastmasters club that has taught me voice projection; I tilted my head
back, pitched my voice back near the dining room and replied yeah I’m coming
but I need to use the bathroom first so you guys please start first and I’ll
come join you guys once I’m done in the loo, okay? Thankful for the abundant
practice I get from the UQ NAB physio clinic on how to get up from the floor, I
go from sitting on my bum to four-point kneeling, from four-point-kneeling to
two-point kneeling, then from two-point-kneeling to one-point kneeling and then
I shove myself back upright! My right arm immediately grabs the backrest of the
chair I’d just vacated and I steady myself. Phew, I didn’t fall back down
again!
Unfortunately,
idiot me has totally stacked it thrice this year; the third time, I was in the
bathroom at home. Having done my business, I’d stood up and turned around to
flush the toilet when suddenly, plop! I’m already on the floor again! Grateful that
I’d remembered to close the bathroom door so mother wouldn’t see me as she
brought groceries from the car back into the house but what if she suddenly
opened the door and found me on the floor?? Immediately I haul myself back
upright using the same method that I’d just detailed to everyone for my second
fall and then just exited the bathroom like nothing had happened.
But enough
about useless me clumsily stacking it, what about the rest of the year??
Everyone who
knows me should be aware of the complete obsession I’ve got with the stupid
little Minions of the Despicable Me franchise. I mean, they’re yellow, small,
jellybean-shaped and so hopelessly STUPID; what’s there not to love about
them?? The first Despicable Me movie premiered back in 2010; following that,
there’s been Despicable Me 2, Minions, Despicable Me 3 and Minions 2. I’d
thought after that the franchise had finished since all good things must come
to an end but you can imagine my total excitement when I was alerted to
Despicable Me 4 coming out!
In the first
movie, Gru (the lead character), gets his three girls. In the second movie, Gru
gets a wife and for the third movie, his brother makes an appearance. But for
the 4th movie, Gru gets a baby boy! Only Junior (just curious: are
people who get named Junior promoted to the name Senior when they’re older?)
doesn’t like his dad; whenever Gru tries
to interact with his son by picking him up/playing with him, Junior either
cries/pees/yells/poos/whatever (Oh: SPOILER ALERT for Despicable Me 4: if you don’t know the ending
and don’t want me to spoil it for you, kindly skip to the next paragraph
please). Only at the climax of the movie, when some baddie’s trying to kidnap
Junior, Gru’s fighting for his life and about to lose! He’s hanging on with
both hands to some rail; once the baddie comes down and tears his hands off, he’s
gonna plummet to his death with Junior in a baby carrier on his back! Gru turns
to Junior and says calmly to the baby, “It’s gonna be okay. Dada loves you.” I go
“aww!” but the baby goes APESH*T and saves the day! When I enthusiastically share
about this at the next Toastmasters meeting after seeing the movie, I immediately
apologise after dropping the profanity but had a good laugh when the evaluator
for my speech said Emily swore ‘appropriately’. Thinking that meant permission to
continue saying naughty words, I cheekily tried dropping another four-letter
word for my next speech but this time get told off for using offensive
language. XD
Ever since suffering
my brain injury back in 2007, mother has been on at me about how old I am,
but whenever I try telling her that she’s older, she’ll just snap back “Age is
relative.” Huh, go figure! During the Winter months, she’ll often send my carer
and I for a hike around Underwood Lake. There’s several sunlounges nearing the
end of the hike around the lake there that I enjoy having a lie-down in. One
Winter’s morning my carer and I are relaxing on a sunlounge each when two boys
around high-school age strolled past in thongs and shorts. When I call out a
cheery good morning to them, the taller one nods very politely at me before
answering extremely respectfully, “Good morning, aunty.” Sure, I’ve been Aunty
Em to kids like C1, C2, N1, N2 and N for a few years now but mostly I’m just
referred to as Emily jie jie and that was the first time I’d been officially branded
with the aunty category!
I managed to
hold it in until the boys had wandered outta earshot before doubling over with
laughter and howling with amusement to my carer, telling her that she’d better
start treating me with more respect now, since I was officially an AUNTY! XD[WH1]
Two DECADES
ago (2004), I was with a friend bumming around on the computer and surfing the
net. Opening the Gmail page, I asked my friend could she please gimme any
interesting adjectives that described me? I’m trying to come up with a cool
e-mail address, see … My friend replied, “I dunno, Em. You’re kinda indescribable.”
I laugh and reply, “Perfect! Indescribable@gmail.com
I’ll be!” Having used that e-mail address for twenty YEARS I decided ‘twas time
for a new one, so starting from halfway through the year my primary e-mail
address became Emmorgenmuffel@gmail.com.
I’m Em and morgenmuffel’s a German phrase! Morgen means morning and muffle means
kinda like grouch; I’m definitely not a morning person and I HATES the cold; in
fact, a friend once described me as being rather dull and unresponsive during
Winter! For instance, should you go “Hi Em; how are you?” I’d probably just
respond “Cold.” XD
One more
story for 2024: this year, I attended my high school’s TWENTY-YEAR reunion and ‘twas
such a joy to catchup with so many familiar faces! For some reason, instead of
holding separate one, five, ten, twenty and thirty-year school reunions for
each grade, Canterbury College booked out like the entire storey of some fancy
place and held a massive joint reunion! Not only was attendance free but there
was even free food and a free bar tab! After I’d grabbed myself a skewer of sth
I’d wheeled around trying to find some year mates to catchup with when suddenly
a girl (I’m guessing she was a ten-year graduate?) beckoned me to join them! I wheeled
myself over to them and introduced myself, saying hi, I’m Emily; class of 2004
when suddenly one girl squeals ooh I remember you; I saw you at the school assembly
a couple of years ago and you made the entire hall laugh! Lol, I’m amazed that
she’d remembered me; what I’d actually shared was the more violent version of
when life gives you lemons make lemonade: when life gives you lemons, freeze
them, and then THROW them as HARD as you can at the HEAD of the people who’d
made life difficult for you! That’s garnered several chuckles, which dissolved
into full audience laughter once I’d sheepishly raised my hand and apologised
to Mr. Wacker, clarifying that I wasn’t promoting school violence or anything …
XD
But there’s
only one fortnight until Christmas! Please allow me to wish everyone a very
Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous 2025! May whatever you’re doing
currently continue to fare well and all the best with whatever new undertakings
you’ll begin in 2025! I’m hoping to catchup with as many people as possible but
with the parents (mostly mother) trying so desperately to keep me socially
isolated by forbidding me to ask anyone are they free together for a meal to
celebrate Christmas, you’re gonna haveta contact me first; don’t fail me!!
Cheers,
Em. ^^
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