Saturday, December 11, 2021

XMas Greetings 2021

Greetings, one and all! Have you settled into this new decade yet? Coz suddenly it’s almost the end of 2021 … hope you’ve had an eventful and enjoyable year!

 

If you’ve followed these silly Xmas Greetings of mine, you may recall that several years ago, I very excitedly shared that I’d begun dreaming again. Not the awful, terrifying nightmares that the cruel and unfaithful God plagued me incessantly with when I was still imprisoned in the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra hospital XD) but nice normal dreams. I don’t dream very often, and lately I’ve developed this annoying habit (which I got from mother) of forgetting what the dream was the moment I wake, but I started keeping a dream journal to note down the dream I had and it turns out I dream most frequently about mother, followed by myself, followed by other randoms. One thing that massively annoyed me was that in my dreams, I could NEVER REACH THE FOOD!! XD Now, if you know me, you know I love my food. These dreams distressed me greatly (but fortunately not seriously XD) and I’d wail to my Toastmasters friend how I’d missed the food *again*. One such example was when I was walking (oh, don’t I love those dreams when I’m not horrifically disabled anymore but walking like everyone does in normal society ><) with an empty plate towards this SEAFOOD BUFFET;  suddenly I wake! My fat tummy was very cross with me. XD Soon after that, I have another dream when I’m at a girlfriend’s place for lunch/dinner; she flips a toastie the SIZE OF A SAUCEPAN onto my plate and I’m reaching eagerly for it with both hands when again, I jerk awake! This time, my fat tummy was furious with me; she even threatened to throw up, but I was like, ah, I’ve not eaten since dinner last night meaning you should be empty right now. What can you possibly chuck up? XD I shared these dreams with my Toastmasters friend, wailing that I’d NEVER reach the food, but she just encouraged me, “Dare to keep dreaming, Em. I’m POSITIVE you’ll reach the food one day.”

True to her word, suddenly, last year I DID reach the food!! :D I was so excited, the next day I opened up Facebook Messenger and SHRIEKED to Steph that I’d finally REACHED THE FOOD!! :D Then I came to my senses, greeted Steph properly, apologised for my exuberance and explained why I was SCREAMING at her. XD Steph was awesome, congratulating me, saying she’d known all along that I’d eventually reach the food. Then she suggested I share this achievement at the Toastmasters club we both attend, Young Achievers @ QUT Toastmasters but I decline, coz that’s a rather silly achievement, don’t you think? XD I’d already intended to share this story in last year’s edition of my Xmas Greetings to everyone but ran outta room because I had such an eventful year last year! Instead, I promised Steph that this story would be the first one in my Xmas Greetings this year. Originally, I was frightened that my food dreams would cease with the arrival of 2021 but when I awoke one morning early this year with another food dream I again couldn’t contain my excitement and once more SHRIEKED to Steph over Facebook Messenger that I’d REACHED THE FOOD AGAIN!! Seriously, Steph, I can’t thank you enough: because of your belief in me, food dreams have now become a reality! :D

 

For those of you who have studied at UQ (like I did, before the cruel and unfaithful God totally wiped me out with the disabling brain injury in 2007 ><) you’ll know about the Great Court that sits at the front of the St. Lucia campus. When I was doing physio at UQ last year, my student suddenly asked me, “Hey Em, feel like going up to The Great Court and taking a hike around it?” I reply definitely, but surely you know how slowly I walk nowadays; by the time I’ve walked up to the Great Court it’ll be time to make a u-turn and come back down here because my session doing physio with you only goes for one hour … The student had laughed, before pointing to some manual wheelchair I hadn’t noticed was sitting in the gym and replying, “Nah, you see this chair here? You sit down, I’ll push you up into the Great Court, you get outta the chair and hike a lap around it, then you sit back down and I’ll roll you down to the gym here. How’s that sound? Sounded awesome to me! So that’s how things worked. For my next session of physio, after the student had wheeled me up to The Great Court, I got up from the manual wheelchair and plodded a lap around it. Sadly, I didn’t see anything that triggered a memory for me that I’d once studied there but since I’d studied my first two years of an arts/law degree there before the cruel and unfaithful God totally destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour, I must’ve studied inside that huge place somewhere!

When I’d started plodding laps of the Great Court last year, it’d been nearing Christmas; I remembered joking to Denis (a clinical educator), “Hey, it’s nearly Summer and you having me hike around this place’s leaving me rather hot and sweaty; how about next time I come up here you shout me an iced chocolate? Denis had begged out, saying he was broke but I’d sniped at him rubbish. You currently get a full time wage from UQ whereas I subsist on the disability pension; of course you can shout me an iced chocolate. You’re just being a miser and tight-fisted. Denis had roared with laughter meaning he agreed with my accusation but made no offer to shout me a drink. I let the matter drop also, because not only was he the teacher but five years – half a DECADE my junior – so it wasn’t prolly very appropriate to nag him to buy me an iced chocolate, yeah? XD

But fast forward six months. It’s the middle of Winter now, and I’m presuming most are aware of what a complete cold frog I am? I’m still doing these Great Court hikes but rugged up wearing tee, jumper, jacket, fleecy vest, long pants, long socks and beanie when suddenly I have a bright idea! “Hey,” I remark to Denis. “Six months later, I’m still hiking these Great Court laps for you. How about you shout me a hot chocolate instead? Pretty sure you can get them takeaway, unlike iced chocolates where you’d need to drink them inside the café.”

Denis just says he’ll think about it. I hint that he should think about it *very favourably* and again let the matter drop, although I also remind my current physio student that some prompting from him about the hot chocolate might help also. *HINT, HINT* XD

Fast forward again to the final (so 5th) week of the current student’s rotations. I’m partway through my weekly Great Court Hike when Denis suddenly strides ahead, turns around and asks me, “What’s your order? I’ll order while you guys keep walking and then I’ll catch-up with you two, alright?” I hesitate. “Um, mother didn’t leave me any cash. Before COVID she’d give the cash to the carer to pay for me while I’m doing physio but since COVID arrived reception says they’d prefer cashless payment, hence why mother just rings UQ after I’ve finished physio for the day and pays via telling her bank details. Unless you’re really shouting?” When Denis nods yes, I whoop with joy, exclaiming, “Oh, Mr. Jig-Air (not how his surname’s really spelt coz he’s got French ancestors further back up the family tree somewhere but that’s how it’s pronounced), you’re the BEST! If you don’t mind, you’ll feature in my Xmas Greetings this year coz I’ve had a fairly boring year thus far.” I leave my order for a hot chocolate with marshmallows please; Denis instructs the student and me to keep walking around the Great Court and he’ll catch-up once he’s bought the drink. While the student and I continue to hike around The Great Court, Denis turns around and heads for the coffee shop. Suddenly, my students stops and exclaims, “Oh no, we’ve gotta go back! I forgot to leave my order with Denis!” I scowl at him. “Tough. I’m not turning around. Besides, Denis’ a nice young man; bet he’ll get one for you too.” But my Asian physio student clasps his hands together and beseeches, “Please?? For me??” Grumbling, I obediently make an about face and head back in the direction I’d come from. As the coffee shop appears and Dennis’ back comes into view, my student just calls out loudly and cheekily, “Hey, Dennis! I’ll just have what Em’s getting, thanks!” Then he grabs me by the shoulders, spins me around 180 degrees, shoves me in the back and hisses, “Go!” I stagger off, laughing; when we’re safely outta earshot I tell my student that he was very cheeky and should Denis not bring two hot chocolates back, I’m not sharing mine with you, got it?

Well, Denis returned with two hot chocolates, one of which was for me. I’m unsure did he let the student drink the other one; maybe he did but then cornered him and threatened to not pass him this rotation until the student had paid him back! Guess I’ll never know … XD

 

In the edition of my Xmas greetings last year, the COVID-19 pandemic did get a brief mention. I’ve already had both my vaccinations (the drama of getting the first one missed the cut into making it into this year’s Xmas Greetings XD) but I also have endured the unpleasantness of going through a COVID test. See, after enjoying lunch out one day with a church sister, my voice went hoarse. Mother promptly bit my head off (not literally, of course XD) for talking too loudly/too much. I didn’t think I had done either, but just to be on the safe side, apologised to my friend in case I had. She was very sweet, immediately replying I’d done neither, so hah, mother. XD It just so happened that the night after my lunch out I also had our monthly book club dinner! Mother had already forbidden me from speaking that night, but surely I had to be polite and say hello back when greeted? I’d hoped by drinking copious amounts of water and saying mostly silent would restore my voice back to me but unfortunately that didn’t happen; more worryingly, I started developing a little phlegm on the Sunday morning …

After attending Bible study, English service and grabbing a quick lunch with dearest dad at Maccas, mother drives us home. While we’re waiting for the garage door to go up, I ask her hoarsely may I shower now/did she need to take her long afternoon nap first, in which case I’d use the bathroom once first and then pop online for awhile? Instead, mother turns around to look at me, frowns and then decides, “No. I’m taking you to get a COVID test now. Your voice sounds dreadful and besides, I can hear the phlegm in your voice while you talk.”

I was like WTF you think I’ve somehow contracted COVID?! Of course, I didn’t dare say that aloud; pretty sure mother disapproves of swearing. XD

At the drive-through testing clinic near where I leave, when a male nurse approaches my window, I roll it down and bid him good afternoon before apologising for my raspy voice, explaining that mother has been feeding me on nothing but a steady diet of frogs for the past three days. The male nurse roars with laughter, before asking do I know what he’s gonna help me with today? I gesture at the long nasal swab he’s holding and ask innocently, “Aren’t you gonna stick that thing up my nostrils and try poke all my brains out?” The male nurse roars with laughter once more and replies basically, yes! I lean forward and stick my head out the window; he murmurs, “Sorry, slight discomfort here,” and inserts the long swab up my nose, probing around. There’s discomfort alright, but I manage to refrain from gagging even after the swab is removed. When he asks am I alright, I cup my hand under my face, mock-glare at him and grouse good-naturedly, “Why didn’t you gimme a bowl to catch all the brains you just poked out into? Now you’ve made my jeans all dirty.” The male nurse roars with with laughter before requesting permission to swab the other nostril? I gesture ‘go ahead’ and again lean towards the window; the same uncomfortable position is repeated but again I manage to hold in the gag reflex. After the nurse removes the swab he asks, “You still alright?”

This time I deadpan at the male nurse, “Right, now my entire brain has been poked out and you’ve ruined my pair of jeans. May I go now?”

Another roar of laughter from the cheery nurse, before he goes, “Wait! Before you go, do you know what you’ve gotta do now?”

Me, “Ahh, go home, self-isolate and don’t mingle in the community until I get my negative COVID result?”

 The nurse replies good girl, off you go now; the result should be texted to you within one-three days.

As mother pulls away from the drive-thru testing clinic, I cheekily remark that the nurse wasn’t very strict on the ‘stay home and avoid society until you get your COVID negative test result’ rule at all; what’s to stop us going to Maccas now and having second lunch (getting in touch with my inner hobbit, see… XD)? Mother intones that the nurse trusts we’re good citizens. Well, I’m glad that I at least ‘sound’ trustworthy’… XD

My church pastor’s wife had shared how, after her COVID test, she’d self-isolated in their upstairs ensuite bedroom; Reverend Chris had just left her meals outside the bedroom door and she’d returned him the used utensils for washing up. Originally I wondered was mother gonna like ground me and have me sit in my room until I got my result; luckily, life remained the same with the only difference being we didn’t hold hands while my dearest dad prayed before having dinner together and when he came to kiss me goodbye before leaving for his hard day’s work in the morning instead of kissing me awake he’d use the teddy that kept me company in bed at night to nuzzle me awake and after I’d woken, we’d blow each other kisses goodbye.

I’d gotten mother to promise me that the moment she received the test clearing me of having COVID; she’d lemme know immediately; lol, that text arrived when I was inside the bathroom having a shower! Pastor Grace said that once after receiving her negative COVID result, the first thing she’d done was find her daughter and give her a great big hug; obviously I couldn’t do that since I was holding the shower hose and I’m pretty sure mother would not have appreciated me drenching her. XD I refrained after the showering process was finished and I was all dry and dressed before giving mother a big hug of relief; that night, when my dearest dad arrives home from his hard day’s work and bids me hello, I immediately wave him over, give him a great big hug also and tell him the good, relieving news.

Armed with my negative COVID result, I’m now allowed to see my GP (the medical centre had said everyone who came must have a negative COVID test result before going). After Dr. Ku calls my name, mother and I both head into his room and take a seat. Dr. Ku takes his own seat and asks how may I help you ladies today?

I rasp hoarsely back at him, “Well, you can hear that mother has been feeding me on absolutely nothing but a steady diet of frogs for the past several days.

Dr. Ku gives a smirk of amusement but doesn’t speak; I quickly explain how, after having both lunch and dinner out with friends on Thursday and then losing my voice as well as developing a little phlegm on Sunday I’m actually all fine, bar pre-existing brain injury, of course. Energy levels are normal.

Dr. Ku unhooks his stethoscope from around his neck and listens to both my chest and back, before delivering his diagnosis. “You’ve just got a mild case of laryngitis. Nothing to worry about, because your chest is clear.”

I croak at him, “Then you aren’t going to prescribe me any medicine? Or are you just gonna say drink lotsa water and take bed rest?

Another half-smirk from Dr. Ku. “Yes, that’ll do. You may also take Vitamin D tablets(/some over the counter tablet that doesn’t require prescription).”

“And will my voice come back?” I rasp hoarsely at him. “I sound like I’ve been eating lotsa frogs when I talk, but should I try to sing a note, absolutely *nothing* comes out.”

Dr. Ku reassures me that my voice will return in due time; I say my thanks and byes before leaving. Just like he said, my voice did gradually return; I realised that I had fully recovered from my mild bout of laryngitis when I tried singing in the shower and actually heard notes coming out. XD

 

Nearly every night, I must let mother boot me off to bed at the piss-early time of 9:45pm if I want her to give my demented left ankle a very brief rub and squirt some eye ointment into my eye for me. On the opening night of the delayed Tokyo Olympics game ceremony, I’d been happily watching the Opening Ceremony. At 9:45pm, mother appears and snaps, “Get to bed.” I politely refuse, explaining that since the Olympics only happens once every four years, I’d like to watch the entire opening ceremony and will get myself off to bed once it’s over, thanks. Mother huffs and puffs for a bit but thankfully leaves me be; the Opening Ceremony was awesome! After it’s all done, I get myself to bed; only while I’m brushing my teeth do I suddenly realise how BUSTING I am! The opening ceremony started at 9:00pm and went to well past midnight! Never mind, lesson learnt: for the closing ceremony (again, mother tried to gleefully boot me off to bed @ 9:45pm but I once again refused; saying that this only happens once every four years and I’d get myself to bed once it’s over) after it had ended I visited the toilet once before starting the ‘drink milk, brush teeth and then hit the sack process’. XD Even more excitingly, Brisbane will host the 2032 Olympics; cripes, I’ll be FORTY-FIVE by then!

 

Back around 2012, my former DSQ (disability services co-ordinator) introduced me to Toastmasters. No, it’s not about eating bread; it’s actually a worldwide organisation focusing on leadership skills and public speaking! The club I attend is located at QUT Gardens Point. Recently, Young Achievers @ QUT has seen a fall in attendance numbers; one night the meeting was cancelled when the only scheduled speech for the night (usually there are three speeches every meeting) suddenly pulled out and even the president himself suddenly couldn’t come! I texted my carer to please come pick me up; we decided we’d just sit at Maccas and wile the night away but after visiting the bathroom once, as we were heading back out to her parked car, we bump into the other members of my Toastmasters club who say, “Hey Em, we’re gonna spend the night @ the pub; wanna come with us?” I look to my carer for permission; Kim nods and says I’ll come with you guys to where you’re sitting then I’ll go do my own stuff and pick you up at around 9pm. Since we’d gotten the free parking tonight, I’d already rung mother and asked her permission to get something from the pub for dinner and in return I’d not get the Happy Meal, my usual dinner fare after Toastmasters ends. At the bar, I ask someone please to bring me the food menu; when my Toastmasters friend returns and says umm, they’re only selling drinks I’m like, but I still need dinner! Another member suggests why not get a pizza delivered and then a third member even helps me download the app and goes to get the pizza for me because it turns out there’s actually a Dominoes on campus! I scanned the menu, choosing some PEKING DUCK pizza for Christmas; obviously, there were like only two thin strips of duck and the rest of the pizza was meatballs but that was the FIRST TIME EVER I’d ever wolfed down ONE WHOLE PIZZA all by myself and my inner pig was delighted with me! XD Our club president, Lino, actually tried asking me for a slice, but I fended him off, saying I’ve *never* had a pizza *all to myself* before and please don’t nab a slice? Lino was such a gentleman and didn’t insist; Mr. President, I promise if there’s ever a next time I’ll trade slices with you! XD

 

Anyways, there’s exactly two weeks until Christmas arrives; hopefully you’ve all been good boys and girls this year and Santa will bring you lotsa presents? For some reason, Santa has practically ignored me these past couple of years; horrid mother sneers that I’m too old for presents but I reckon she’s just being a grumpybum! XD Please allow me to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year filled with lotsa joy, presents and laughter! Hopefully 2021 has been a good one for you and I hope that 2022 will be even better! Thankfully with technology nowadays it’s much easier to stay in contact with people, so I look forward to keeping in touch with everyone over 2022, whether by e-mail/face-to-face contact. All the best for an exciting, eventful and happy 2022~

Cheers,

Em. ^^
P.S. Next post here … unsure will I ever find the time to write my movie review of Daniel Craig’s last Bond movie? If not, you’ll prolly here next from me sharing about how I spent Christmas and Boxing Day this year~
P.P.S. Sorry if you discover any mistakes in this; lemme know and I'll edit it! Mother has been trying to boot me off to bed for like the past two hours but I insisted on finishing this first ... XD

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