Heylo
everyone! Wow, just like that we’re into the last month of this year already;
hope you’ve enjoyed 2018 as much as I have!
If you’ve
followed these silly Xmas Greetings of mine, you may recall that for both last
year and the year before my year began with a depressingly low note. Two years
ago, I was moronic enough to catch a bloody COLD smack bang in the middle of
blazing hot SUMMER (thankfully, it’s not happened again since XD) and then last
year marked one whole DECADE since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly
destroyed my entire life with the disabling brain tumor, leaving me a disabled
useless bum. When this year arrived, I was hoping and thinking that surely,
third time lucky, I deserved a break and would have an awesome start to the
year??
The answer
was a resounding YES because the parents and I took a weeklong holiday over to New Zealand
Two reasons
why that trip was memorable for me: (1) I got to see my godsisters for the
first time since 2004 and meet not only my godnephew but my godpet (a goddog,
actually; please don’t tell my Year Twelve English teacher I’m making up new
English words here otherwise she’ll most likely smack me over the head for
being so audacious XD)! I was probably a really bad influence on my little
godnephew (who’s just started primary school) because I introduced him to the
addictive game Candy Crush; the next morning, just as I was about to tuck into
breakfast, he rushed over and eagerly asked me, “Can I play your game,
please??” XD
(2) The
other reason why this weeklong holiday trip to New Zealand
Not being
very mobile these days (being ridiculously physically disabled will do that to
you ><) originally I was rather dreading having to hike all over Hobbiton
and stand looking at things but like I’d told mother, it’d be worth it, coz
I’ve always been a massive fan of all things Middle Earth!
However, I
was super-impressed that after I’d dismounted the tour bus, there was actually
a golf buggy complete with driver (who was also an employee of the company that
gave these Middle Earth tours) waiting for me! After I’d awkwardly climbed into
the golf buggy she reassured me she’d tell me everything that the main walking
group were hearing from the tourist guide coz she was one herself too, sweet.
While she
drove me along, we started chatting. On the topic of travel, she tells me
wistfully, “Oh, I’d love to visit Australia
“Oh sure, I
know about koalas.”
“Can you
tell me about them? Like, do they scamper really fast and swing from trees,
etc.?”
“Umm, no, I
don’t think so. Aren’t they like sedentary and just cling to trees?’
Perfect!
Trying to sound teacher-like, I explain, “Exactly. Drop bears are like koalas,
only they’re the feral kind. Much larger and they’ve got fangs. What they do is
hang onto some tree, wait for some stupid unsuspecting tourist to walk under
their tree, and then DROP on their head – hence the name drop bear – and
rip their head off!” I accompany my description with what I consider
appropriate hand-waving, highlighting when the drop bear ‘dropped’ from its
perch.
“No way!”
My tourist guide and driver exclaims, shocked. “You’ve gotta be pulling my
leg!”
“Seriously,”
I deadpan back at her. “It’s on our local news all the time. ‘Stupid Kiwi
tourist wanders into Daisy Hill Forest
“Wow…
thanks for warning me. I’ll most definitely remember to keep an eye out for
them when I visit Australia
But that
wasn’t the end of the drop bear saga, either! For the past several years, I’ve
joined a Toastmasters club at QUT Gardens Point. For those of you who’ve never
heard of Toastmasters before, it’s an international organization (there are
clubs all around the world) focusing on public speaking and leadership skills.
Since the club I’m a member of is based at a university, stands to reason
there’d be a lot of international students, right?
Anyhow at one
club meeting during this year, I fool another member (an international student)
into believing about drop bears! Awhile later, she shares a photo of herself
onto Facebook showing her at Lone Pine koala sanctuary posing with a koala and
I couldn’t resist, commenting, “Koalas are very distant cousins to drop bears,
did you know!” When I see her next at Toastmasters, I ask her cheekily, “Seen
any drop bears recently?” My friend scowls, throws her arms out wide and
dramatically responds, “Emily Chan, because of you, I now suffer from trust
issues!” I smirk back at her. “Nah, you’re fine. Look on the bright side;
you’ll even feature in my Xmas Greetings this year!” Then we both crack up,
after which I reassure her that the secret’s safe and I won’t refer to her by
name. XD
If I grow
to be a ripe old age, I know I’ll never be wise. Why? Coz back in July, I went
and had all my wisdom teeth taken out! See, several six month dental checkups
ago, my dentist took a mouth x-ray and reported, “Hey, your wisdom teeth are
starting to come out,” to which I replied, “Sweet! Maybe I’ll finally become
wise!” However, his next words dash my hopes. “Sorry, they’re coming out
crooked. If they keep coming out in this direction, you’ll haveta get them
removed.” Ohh, there go all my hopes of ever becoming wise … XD My dentist
keeps an eye on my wisdom teeth over the next several six-month checkups and
this July, he says it’s time to get them removed. I’m booked in to see his
dental surgeon, who’s actually the same guy I saw back in 2001 when my mouth
went trigger happy on me and grew me THREE EXTRA teeth above my jaw/under my
nose (yes, you can all tell I’ve never studied anatomy before XD)! When mother
and I were sitting in his waiting room, he comes out to call his next patient;
mother turns to me and whispers excitedly, “Em, I still recognize him! He’s not
grown width-wise at all but just gotten greyer!” Anyways, at the consultation,
I ask him please would it be possible for him to do the procedure under a local
and not a general anesthesia? It’s just that I’ve heard that every time you go
under general anesthesia, you wake up a bazillion times more stupid, and since
I’ve already been under like eight times since my brain injury, if you keep
putting me under like that – “You won’t have any brain left?’ The dental
surgeon butts in cheekily.
“Actually,
I was gonna say you won’t be able to find anyone more stupid than me,” I retort
back at him, “But yes, I like your explanation better. I’ll have no brain
left.” Then we both explode into laughter, after which he assures me that yes,
he can just do the wisdom teeth extraction under a local anesthesia. Sweet.
Before I
sign the consent form for the procedure, I carefully read all the clauses.
There’s one there that particularly worries me, and I bring it up with the
dentist. “Dr. Chahoud, it says that one possible side effect of the procedure
may be that I will PERMANENTLY LOSE ALL taste sensation!” Then I wibble
dramatically at him and mock-wail, “But if I can’t taste chocolate or ice cream
anymore after you pull all my wisdom teeth out, I’d haveta off myself, because
surely life wouldn’t be worth living if you can’t taste chocolate/ice cream
anymore!” More laughter from him, before Dr. Chahoud reassures me that he’s
only put that clause in there just in case and that he’s never known it to
happen before. Phew. XD
Granted,
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m probably the wimpiest person alive on the
planet Earth and I really didn’t enjoy the fact that Dr. Chahoud stabbed not
four, not eight, but TWELVE needles into my mouth! >< Okay, I’m a wuss.
XD But you gotta gimme SOME credit; I didn’t react outwardly at all! After the
wisdom teeth were all out and he’d let me sit back up, I asked to please see my
teeth coz I wanted to wave goodbye to my wisdom that never had the chance to
be. XD After his dental nurse brought my wisdom teeth over, I sat up, looked
into the dish and did a double take: at first glance, there were like TWELVE
bits of teeth there! Nervously, I ask the dental surgeon, “Um, you were only meant
to take my four wisdom teeth out but at first glance, there are like TWELVE
chunks of tooth there! Did you go trigger happy and pull out every single tooth
in my mouth; is my mouth now empty except for my tongue??” The doctor laughs
and reassures me that he really only took out those four wisdom tooth; the
reason why there’s so many chunks of teeth there is because the teeth didn’t
come out cleanly and he had to break them. Well, phew. Here I was, terrified
I’d be reduced to tofu for like the rest of my life! XD
When I left
his dental practice, I received a note warning me that the swelling post
procedure would be heaviest three/four days afterwards. It just so happens that
three days after my wisdom teeth extraction, I attend my writers group at the Garden
City library! After I grab a seat, a member looks over at me and then exclaims,
“Em, when’s happened to you?? Your face is all swollen!!”
Showing no
expression on my face whatsoever, I deadpan back at him, “Yeah? Mother bashed
me up this morning. Morale of the story? Don’t piss her off.” Poor Boyd
honestly looks shocked for a split second, before he just doubles over with
laughter. Obviously, I’m as bad as lying as I’ve ever been. XD After he’s
finished laughing his head off, Boyd looks questioningly at me and this time I
tell the truth. “All wisdom teeth taken out under general anaesthesia three
days ago. Got a note warning that the swelling would be heaviest three/four
days post extraction, so apologies if I look a fright right now.” XD
This year,
my church friend offers to take me to the Ekka! Do you recall the drama
concerning my strawberry sundae that happened last time I went to the Ekka two
years ago? (I shared about that in my Xmas Greetings 2016; go back and read, if
you’ve forgotten!) Well, sth similar happened this year! I was about to pass my
strawberry sundae over to my friend to hold so I could get my mobile out and
grab a photo of the sundae and I when plop! The strawberry suddenly rolls off
the ice cream and lands on top of my bag! “Eek, help! Samuel, save my
strawberry!’ I wail, terrified that a repeat of the dramatics that happened
with my strawberry sundae two years ago would occur again. Samuel laughs, calmly
reaches over, retrieves my escapist strawberry and restores him to the top of
the sundae, before snapping the photo for me. Phew. Crisis averted. XD
The other
reason why this Ekka trip was so memorable for me’s because I brought home a
FLUFFY UNICORN!! For those of you familiar with the Despicable Me cartoon
franchise, you should recall that the youngest daughter Agnes develops an
obsession with the fluffy unicorn she sees at the carnival. “It’s so FLUFFY I
could DIE!” She shrieks with excitement. Anyways, at the Ekka that day with
Samuel, I saw some people lugging around HUGE fluffy unicorns! Mother had left
me money for three games; I’d played the clown one (you know, where you drop
the ball down the open mouth of a rotating clown head; the ball lands on a slot
with a number and at the end those numbers are added together and you get a
prize according to the number you’ve achieved) and the duck game (it’s evolved;
in the past, you just hooked out a duck and were given a prize according to the
number on the back but now, you’re given a small net to scoop up THREE ducks
from, whose numbers are then added up for your prize!). For my last game, I
went over to the guy manning the stall that had little fluffy unicorns for
prizes and told him, “I want a fluffy unicorn. What do I haveta do to win one?”
Well, the guy explained to me, it’s a game where you throw darts to pop
balloons. Ten dollars gives you three darts and twenty dollars gives you ten
darts; if I gave him twenty dollars, he promised to gimme a fluffy unicorn!
Deal! Only problem was that back in primary school soccer, I played a right
defensive back; I couldn’t aim for nuts! XD Still, I managed to pop six
balloons with my ten darts; the guy kept his promise and gave me a little
FLUFFY UNICORN!! :D like me, he’s not very good at standing; actually, he’s
worse off than me coz while I’m able to stand (albeit with immense difficulty),
my fluffy unicorn simply CAN’T stand. My friend, who’s a vet by trade, gave him
a physical examination then explained to me why he was unable to stand. “He’s
got weak hips.” Well, truth be told, I thought you used your legs to stand and
not your hips, but hey, I’m not the professional vet here! XD
One final
story to share for 2018: over the term break three school holidays, I went and
met Hello Kitty! Well, someone had dressed up as Hello Kitty and was on the top
level of Sunnybank Hills Shoppingtown posing for photos. After I’d given her a
hug, I was finally able to ask her the burning question that’s been plaguing me
ever since I saw what Hello Kitty looked like: “Hello Kitty, how do you eat?
You have no mouth; you must be starving! Look how thin your legs are!” In
response, Hello Kitty picks up my hand, curls my fingers into a fist then pulls
out the pointer finger, before raising it to my lips, miming ‘shh’. Then she
does the same herself, placing her finger over the place where you’d normally
expect a mouth to be. Then suddenly I understand! “Gotcha, Hello Kitty!” I
laugh. “You get all your nutrients via osmosis! Well, lovely to meet you; have
fun taking photos with everyone else!” XD
Anyways,
2019 will arrive in less than one month’s time, please allow me to wish
everyone a very Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year ahead! Would
love to catch-up with everyone over a meal to reflect on the year that’s about
to leave us, but unfortunately, all the way back in MAY (yes, even before half
the year was over ><) dad randomly forbade me from contacting anyone for
Christmas! Huh, I reckon he was just taking a page out of mother’s book,
because all the way back in March mother already forbade me from contacting
anyone to celebrate my birthday over a meal with! >< *sigh* But I’d still
love to catch-up over breakfast/lunch/dinner with you, so how about you contact
me? Please don’t reply this e-mail, just compose a new one and say sth like,
“Hey Em, read your Xmas Greetings. Haven’t seen you all year; are you free for
a catchup together?” But yay for Facebook; I look forward to staying in contact
with everyone next year!
Cheers,
Em. ^^
P.S. Next post here … prolly my account of how I spent Christmas and Boxing Day this year! Righteo, until then~
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