2018 Reflections

Perhaps old age and senility have finally caught up to me… I honestly can’t recall sitting down at the computer to write my reflections for 2017! >< XD

But 2019 arrives tomorrow and it’s time to reflect on the year that is almost was (that’s probably incorrect English grammar, but shh … XD) …

Physically-wise: back when the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumor in 2007, when I first regained consciousness and found myself so ridiculously disabled, I’d wondered that if hard work from my part would eventually restore my mobility to what it once was. Nearing twelve years down the track, I’ve more or less resigned myself to the fact that I’ll be a disabled bum forever. >< So easily, mother conveniently ‘forgets’ that some doctor at the hospital told mother that after my brain injury, I’d NEVER WALK/STAND AGAIN, that the most I’d do would be to transfer from the car to the wheelchair and then the wheelchair back to the car. In light of that prognosis, I honestly don’t think I’m doing too bad … see, partway through last year, I received a letter from the government saying that they were reviewing all the disability pensions, and could I please see all my healthcare professionals to get letters certifying that I am, indeed, a disabled bum? Mother gets my UQ physio teacher to pen a letter for me, and after reading it, I’m like, yes, I know I’m awfully disabled, but this letter you’ve written for me is atrocious! The letter stated that I only ambulated at 0.4km/hr but I was fairly sure I could plod at least 1km/hr! Surely if you stuck me on a treadmill I could walk faster than one kilometer in one hour? I mean, when I haveta let mother gleefully FORCE L me to use that evil contraption, she makes me go at like 2.8km/hr … however, mother said since the treadmill speed is already set, it doesn’t count; if I wanted to see if I could really plod 1km in one hour, I’d haveta go and hike the hallway outside the main physio room. Well, my UQ physio teacher measured the hallway and reported back 1km meant thirty-three and one-third laps of the hallway; did I wanna try? I said yes, so for my final session of physio at UQ last year, I took a mammoth walk up and down the hallway! My UQ teacher set the rules out for me: just walk up and down the hallway. I promise I’ll stay behind you the whole hike and not let you fall. You’re disqualified if your right hand touches the wall. I’m very proud to announce I achieved the 1km walk after like forty minutes! My teacher was like, “You’ve proven your point; you can do 1km in one hour. Would you like to continue for the full hour, so I can calculate and give you a km/hr speed at the end, or would you like to call it a day and head back into the physio gym? Well, I was feeling fairly tired but luckily not in any pain, so I decided to keep plodding away. Near the end, my stupid left leg is tired enough to trip, and I lurch backwards, shoulder banging into the wall. In the next second, my physio teacher’s hands are on my hips, steadying me, and in the second after that, I jerked away from the wall, going, “I’m so sorry! I promise my right hand didn’t touch the wall; please don’t disqualify me!” My physio teacher says that’s alright, you’re just getting tired. Keep going, you’re almost done. Afterwards, back inside the gym she calculated for me that I can ambulate at 1.25km/hr. While that’s obviously piss slow compared to able-bodied people, that’s much better than my original 0.4km/hr! But remember, if Centrelink asks, the official speed’s still 0.4km/hr. XD

You’ve probably all read/heard me harping on about falling. I apologise that I do seem to prattle on about falling so much, but it’s just because were I idiotic enough to fall over, I physically wouldn’t have the capacity to get myself back upright; I’d just be on the floor waiting for someone to wander along then asking for a hand to pull me up. Thankfully, technically this year, I’ve managed to remain upright and not fall, although I did have what I’m calling two slips. The first was one Saturday morning, when I was leaving my bedroom to go brush teeth in the bathroom. What dad had forgotten to tell Besta (my carer) and I was that he’d just mopped the floor and it was still wet. I stepped out of my room into the hallway, slipped, then in slow motion slid down onto my butt. “Oh, sh*t”, I mutter (excuse my French XD), “Was that my first fall for the year?” Phew, Besta immediately disagrees with me. “No, you didn’t fall,” she asserts, “The floor’s wet and you just slipped. I stuck my leg out and sat down with you so you wouldn’t hurt yourself. Here, lemme quickly dry the floor and we’ll get you back upright.”

The second slip I suffered was later that year, after I’d finished breakfast. Mother had left me breakfast (plain porridge, one slice of dry – unbuttered – toast) one full mug of water and health supplements) before going upstairs to get herself ready for the day. Taking my health supplements, I’d suddenly sneezed, spilling some water onto the table. After finishing breakfast, I’d stood up and was about to take my bowl over to the sink (as I’d been taught to do) only I’d clean forgotten that I’d sneezed and spilt some water onto the ground! Once more, I slowly slip to the fall; this time, nobody’s with me but my right arm grabs the table as I’m slipping so luckily don’t thump my head. I can hear mother a-THUMPING around upstairs and realize she’ll come downstairs soon; there’ll be hell to pay if she comes downstairs and sees me on the floor … quickly, I grab the box of tissues sitting on the table, wipe the floor dry, grab the cushion on my chair back and place it onto the floor. Next, I follow what the physio students at UQ have taught me when doing mat work on the floor: go to two-point high kneel, then one-point, then shove up! The chair/table is present for grab support; I manage to get myself back upright and seated about ten seconds before mother comes downstairs. Phew. XD

Work-wise: ‘%Twas another year without steady paid work for me, alas. My current disability employment consultant seems to think that she can’t find a job for me unless I’m using my electric wheelchair; the problem with that is mother is TOTALLY AGAINST me using my electric wheelchair! See, before the NDIS came in this year, a physio friend advised my parents to get me an electric wheelchair under whatever funding scheme existed because once the NDIS starts it’s gone. Yeah, I received an electric wheelchair, but it just sits by its lonesome in the living room, uncharged, because I’ve never been allowed to use it! Personally, I was like, I’m only after part-time work; surely I could use the bathroom once before I start work then once after I finish work? Yes I’ve got a weak bladder but I do have SOME bladder control!

Anyhow, having not found me any paid work this year, my disability employment consultant says next year she’s thinking of getting me to do some online cert three in office admin. I don’t mind; if it gets me paid work, I’m all for it! Let me just state for the record: I’m willing to do ANYTHING (even wash toilets XD) as long as I can do it sitting down and it gets me paid. Oh, and I type about 30WPM. Slow, I know; with both hands I could touch-type about 60WPM but 30WPM one handed isn’t too bad, I hope?

Sporting-wise: well, the 2018 Gold Coast Commonwealth games was a great success, so yay for that! I was rather disappointed that there weren’t any equestrian events, but there’s not long now till the 2020 Olympic Games!

Unfortunately, the poor Broncos haven’t won a premiership since 2006 … and now, Benny’s gone too! O_o When he’d first come back to take the reins, I’d really hoped that he’d take them to another premiership. See, I’ve got two physio friends who’d both already written Bennett off, saying he was too old to take them to another title. Oh, how I’d have loved to send them both an e-mail after the Broncos won the trophy and mock, oh, you of such little faith … XD Pity that won’t happen now … even worse, the smelly Blues won the Origin this year! Well, at least the mighty Maroons can end the year on a high note; we won the third and final match; hopefully that’ll be enough momentum to carry us onto the series next year!

Spiritually-wise: sometimes I wonder: has the cruel and unfaithful God ever heard the phrase ‘live and let live’? Surely He must’ve; He created the person who first coined up that quote! So I wonder: since God obviously lives, why He can’t he also let me live the life I deserve to live? Well, fair enough: it’s entirely because of Him that we all deserve death, but then why can’t He just let me live the life that almost everyone else gets to live: a free life, an independent life? *sigh* Back for our previous EM camp (the one before the one we had earlier this year), I’d skipped all but the last five minutes of the speaker’s talk because I was having a D&M with his wife. After I’d explained to her that I simply couldn’t reconcile the God who always ‘claims’ he’s loving/caring/compassionate/healing/whatever with the One that totally abandoned me just when I desperately needed Him the most, she suggested I could pray to Him and ask Him to ‘bridge the gap’, to show me that He really is all that He says that He is. Well, for the past 2.25 years, I’ve done that every night when I pray before I hit the sack. I’ve asked God, could You please just hit me with a revelation? Lemme just suddenly understand that You really are that You claim to be? But if You won’t do it that way, fine; do it slowly, do it incrementally, but please don’t not do it! I guess you can’t be disappointed if you didn’t expect anything in the first place… I’ve told God before how much I wish there were ANY OTHER WAY into heaven that DIDN’T REQUIRE HIM, I’d take it in a second, in a jiffy, no second chances, no looking back, just bye God, you haven’t done well by me so I’m leaving You for someone who actually will gimme a hope/life/future, which is what You’ve so cruelly denied me. But I’m stuck with God, coz it’s not like I can switch religions to Buddhism/whatever and still expect to get into heaven. *sigh* Because from what I’ve experienced, He’s NEVER been there for me, especially not when I needed Him the most! If you’ve read the Footprints story, you’ll remember God saying there’s only one set of footprints along the sand during your life’s toughest encounters and that’s because it’s when God carried you. My take on that story: God just pushed you to the ground and kept walking on. That’s His footprints you’re seeing. That big butt mark is me. *sigh* Last year, I vaguely remember sharing how I wished there were ANY OTHER WAY into heaven apart from God because as far as I’m concerned, He most certainly hasn’t been there for me. The only reason I wanna get to heaven (apart from the fact I’d rather not spend eternity burning in hellfire shrieking in agony XD) is to make sure my most beloved maternal grandmother’s doing alright up there. When God took her to live up there forever with Him, dad had PINKY-PROMKSED me that I’d be reunited with her in heaven one day; if after I finish my Earthly life and am standing before the judgjement seat when God decides He wants me to burn for all eternity, first I’m demanding to be reunited with my most beloved maternal grandma first and make sure she’s okay!

Everything-else wise: one thing that deserves special mention this year is how relieved I am that I get such good-quality sleep nowadays. You may remember me explaining that for me, back just over 10.5 years ago, when I was still imprisoned in the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra hospital XD) that sleep wasn’t really an option. Like, the cruel and unfaithful God would plague and terrify me with multiple horrifying nightmares, I’d be too scared to fall back asleep afterwards, nurses would come into your room in the middle of the night banging around doing noisy things and I had roommates who SNORED THE HOUSE DOWN! XD When I was finally released forever from that awful place, it took me like one month of seriously intense sleeping to catch-up on all the sleep I’d missed out on while imprisoned in the insane asylum. In 2012, I randomly started recording down whenever I’d enjoy an awesome nights’ sleep, like, when I bid my teddy sweet dreams, fell asleep and didn’t wake until the sun had risen sufficiently for me to see the clock mounted onto my bedroom wall. That first year, I recoded that I’d enjoyed eight instances of me enjoying one straight week of awesome sleeps. In the proceeding years, I’ve managed eight to twelve times where I’ve managed one straight week of awesome sleeps. This year, my tenth anniversary of being released from that awful place forever, I’ve had a breakthrough: I’ve enjoyed one straight week of those awesome sleeps TWENTY-FOUR times! :D Every now and again, I’ll enjoy several days where I get an awesome nights sleep before nature intervenes but my spreadsheet I’ve created to note down these awesome sleeps of mine record that I’ve actually enjoyed 305 nights of the year where I’ve slept straight through till the morning; considering there’s 365 days to the year, that’s pretty damn awesome! I can only hope that means that the cruel and unfaithful God has turned His near-overwhelming hatred onto someone else; obviously, He hates me plenty but considering that there are squillions od people in the world, surely He must’ve found someone He hates more than He hates me? I sure hope so!

Another thing worth mention are my dreams! If you’ve followed my Xmas Greetings you may recall several years ago I reported that I’d finally started dreaming nice normal dreams again. See, when I was first released from the insane asylum, after I got my sleeping patterns down pat, I just ceased dreaming. Like, fall asleep, wake up and oh, look it’s a new day. Last year/the year before I started a dream journal to record down the dreams I’ve had; it’s something I’ve continued doing for this year and I’m very happy to report that this year, I’ve had eighty-nine normal dreams! For some reason, mother features in my dreams the most, followed by myself, followed by other randoms. Dream content also varies: I’m had dreams about pushing a watermelon-laden wheelbarrow around to dreams about somebody dressing me in a frog onesie to me REVERSE-PARKING a SEMI-TRAILER! XD Oh, and here’s one more absurd dream that I’ve had: I sell my stationery shop for a loss (obviously, I’ve no talent at business XD); with the proceeds, I go and buy myself a BOTTLE SHOP. Why that dream’s ridiculous: hello, I’m fricking ALLERGIC to ALCOHOL! XD

I’ve also seen several movies this year, but the most memorable one for me this year was Crazy Rich Asians. For those who weren’t aware, it’s actually the first movie since Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon from the 90s to feature an all Asian cast. A friend offered to take me to see the movie with her; while waiting for tickets who should I bump into but Pastor Chris and Pastor Grace! When I’m seated in the cinema, turns out they’re only like one/two rows above us! The movie was great; the line that stood out most to me was when the mother-in-law coldly told the female lead, “You will never be enough.” I was outraged; I actually softly hissed, “Bitch!” The friend watching the movie with me smothered a laugh; behind me, either Pastor Chris/Pastor Grace must’ve heard my indignant remark coz I heard a snort of laughter. I mean, all kudos to the actress (Michelle Yeoh, I think?) for delivering that line so well but yeah, I was simply APPALLED by her words! XD

Have I waffled on about this year enough yet? I think so! Anyways, I’d just like to wish everyone a safe and prosperous 2019; I’ll cya all in the New Year!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

P.S. Next post here … maybe a movie review of this Crazy Rich Asians movie I’ve just talked about? Else a post about the weeklong holiday the parents and I are taking down to Melbourne at the beginning of next year! Righteo, until then~

P.P.S. Sorry for any mistakes/whatnot; it’s almost midnight and I don’t have time to edit! XD

Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day 2018

Well, that’s the silly season over for another year. Here’s how I spent my Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day;

Christmas Eve was my first official day of holidays! See, I’d finished blasted seemingly-unhelpful hydrotherapy for mother on Monday, occupational therapy on Tuesday, land physiotherapy on Wednesday and sessions from the exercise physiologist on Thursday; I woke up going yay I’m finally on HOLIDAYS! Seriously, I’ve had multiple therapies several times weekly since the very beginning of the year and surely I deserved a break because Christmas was arriving the NEXT DAY!

Pity that I had to endure a super-stressful morning at the hands of mother … not really the ideal way to begin my holidays, but hey. It wasn’t anything spectacular; just mother gleefully forcing me to do things whilst in standing. See, nowadays, I do most things while seated (ie. I even shower whilst seated in a shower chair) and when necessary, I can walk short distances (and how easily mother forgets that the doctors in the hospital told her I’d NEVER WALK AGAIN! ><) but the hardest thing for me to do is just stand. I guess it’s coz I’ve got such sh*tty standing balance; whenever I’m upright I’m terrified I’ll fall over. I realize I do tend to harp on about falling over a lot and for that I apologise, but it’s just because were I idiotic enough to fall over, I physically don’t have the capacity to get myself back upright, meaning I’d just be seated on the floor, waiting for someone to come over and pull me back upright.

Anyhow, somehow I endured that and then Kim came to take me out to lunch at 12:30pm! See, this year, usually every Monday arvo I’ve got physio at UQ; since mother hates driving she’s organized for a carer to drive me to physio and back but since I’ve finally finished blasted physio for the year, we went out for lunch at the Warrigal Square Sushi Train instead! Pity mother gleefully restricted me to only three plates (her orders were to eat two and take one more home or arvo tea) coz I would’ve really loved some udon, but hey. Mother’s FOREVER coming up with ways to restrict me. >< *sigh*

Lunch over, Kim sees me home showered before leaving at 3:30pm. I happily plop online for my most important hours of the day. Well, if you ask dad, the most important hours of the day should be the time I spend towards improving my mobility and become more able/less dependant, but if I can’t call those two hours the most important of my day, I’ll call them the only two hours of the day for myself. See, perhaps I attend physio for dad and all these other therapies for mother, but the PISSY two hours I’m allotted per day are the ONLY TWO HOURS FOR MYSELF. Like, I’m free to check e-mail, browse Facebook, play Bejeweled, etc. it’s like, Optus yes time? Emily me time. XD

Christmas Eve night time sees the parents and I attending church for the CM Christmas party!

Upon entering, I’m dismayed to see that the seat most to the left has already been taken. See, post disabling brain injury, one of the many disabilities the cruel and unfaithful God has abandoned me with is complete left hemianopia, meaning I have absolutely zero side vision. Meaning if you sit on my left and I look straight ahead, I simply cannot see you. Hence why whenever I sit, I’ll always aim for a seat to the most left. I guess I just feel nervous when I can’t see everyone beside me? But come on, I’m at CHURCH; the chances of someone jumping at me from the left and tearing my head off are remotely slim. XD Thankfully, whoever set out the chairs set them up in like three/four little columns; I just grab the seat to the most left in the column across and don’t feel too insecure, phew.

Thankfully, ‘twas a night of performances, meaning we weren’t asked to stand, yay. But what a night it was! Pastor Samuel played the saxophone (he told everyone he’d started learning the instrument back during high school to win Aunty Harmony’s heart XD), the little kiddies all did the Lord’s Prayer in sign language and partway through the night, the hall was even invaded by a troop of Star Wars Stormtroopers! I wonder who was behind each costume and how did they even source the costumes in the first place? Anyhow, ‘twas all really cool~

Afterwards, I hiked downstairs and used the bathroom once before grabbing the most left seat downstairs, which was thankfully unoccupied this time. For supper, I thought dad was awesome and had gotten me a little plastic cup of vermicelli, but when I mentioned this to mother, she rather indignantly screeched, “Hey, I got you the vermicelli, not dad!” I just smirked back. “Oh, really? Then please explain to me why you got me this cup of vermicelli when you know full well I’m not a fan of curry?” Mother just feigns innocence. “Oh, really? I didn’t know!” Well, perhaps her nose was taking a strike for Christmas, the moment I raised the cup to my mouth to begin eating, I’d already found that out! XD

Apart from other nibblies for supper, someone also offered me a cup of grass jelly! Only I think that stuff’s revolting but being diplomatic, I replied, “I’ve already had a cup; thanks anyway.” XD

Randoms like Dr. Lee and Lisa did wander over to say hi~

When the parents decided ‘twas home time, I hauled myself back up to the car and mother tootled me back home.

Repeat the usual nightly routine, zzz~

Christmas Day;

I only woke after the sun had risen, when dearest dad walked silently down the hallway and unpopped the lock leading into the garage. When he entered my room, I sat up, gave him a big hug and wished him a very Merry Christmas before returning to happy snorings for awhile longer before mother entered my room and told me to get up.

My Christmas present from her this year: she’d gotten me a spoon for my breakfast porridge! Usually, she doesn’t bother; I’ve gotta grab my own slice of toast from the toaster and spoon from the drawer. Sometimes I’m tempted to just skip the toast and just drink the porridge straight from the bowl, but figure mother will probably bite my head of for that. XD

Since BCAC wasn’t holding a Christmas service but mother insists we attend church on Christmas Day, we went to Redeemer Lutheran College’s Christmas service instead. Thankfully I was allowed to stay seated for the entire service (the parents stood for worship, the Bible reading and communion); my favourite part of the service was when all the littlies were invited to sit at the front of the hall and some woman read out the nativity story to them: someone had rewritten the story so that it rhymed!

Afterwards, dad tootled us home, I used the bathroom once then tootled online.

We had a visitor for Christmas lunch; dad’s high school friend, whom he’d not seen since they graduated! She’s got one son who’s slightly older than me; born June 1986. Over lunch, we took selfies; she and dad happily reminicised (sp?), catching up on everything they’d been through since graduating high school. Mother eagerly inserted herself into their conversation whenever she had a chance; me, I just silently finished lunch then happily continued reading the book I was going through.

In the arvo, mum takes me to see Aunty Ann for a comfy massage. Have I explained before? The practice started years ago, when one night when I was out shopping with a carer/life coach/support worker/whatever they’re called now XD I had to buy mother a present, and my carer suggested why not buy her a voucher for a massage? Mother enjoyed her massage so much she started taking me for one every week also. My masseuse lives in Calamvale; in the same street as Aunty A actually, but just at the very end. I enjoyed her firm ministrations for one hour while mother enjoyed yapping unceasingly at Aunty Ann for one hour. XD She claims I’m biased against her but seriously, from what I’ve heard, mother yaps, Aunty Ann gives some affirmative sound/comment and mother starts off again! XD

After the massage, I use the bathroom once then always sit and drink one mug of water before leaving. Suddenly, Aunty Ann presents me with a gift: a Christmas card (personally signed by both her and Uncle Tai) and a gift voucher from the Coffee Club! “Go eat a plate of your beloved eggs benedict,” she instructs, grinning. I’d dearly love too; mother hasn’t lemme enjoy one whole plate of my favourite dish at all this year! Personally, I think whoever invented hollandaise sauce deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. XD

Back home, I tootle online for my most important two hours of the day and mother heads upstairs for her arvo nap. Hours later, when she tumbles downstairs and orders me off to go shower, I comply.

From memory, our dinner guests arrive just as mother’s helping me retie my shoelaces; once I head outta the bathroom and reseat myself back in front of the computer, Joanne goes hey Em, I’ve brought you a Christmas present! I say thanks; please leave it under the tree and I’ll unwrap come Boxing Day!

We just chat until dinner’s called; I use the bathroom once then join everyone at the dining table.

Truth be told, I can’t really remember what Christmas dinner was. XD I’m sure there was rice, fish and veggies … maybe even a Chinese mushroom? Someone breaks open a bottle of wine; me, I stick with orange juice.

Over dinner, we all just chat about random things and after dinner there’s birthday cake for mother coz she’s baked herself one!

Everyone takes their leave around 9pm; I let mother boot me off to bed at 9:45pm.

Boxing Day: when mother lets herself into my room to hit me with the eye goo, I sit up, give her a big hug and wish her a very happy birthday, because today’s her special day! Me, I’m excited because we’re hitting the Boxing Day sales, I’ve got thirty bucks (twenty from my Australian godmum and ten from Besta) to spend and am thinking of either grabbing Matthew Reilly’s newest book or Raymond E. Feist’s.

After walking out to the garage, I check to see that my manual wheelchair’s inside the boot. It is, and I can only hope beyond all hope that the parents will lemme use it; from memory, last Boxing Day they wouldn’t and ‘twas a dreadful shopping trip coz I couldn’t browse. Like I’ve explained before, when I’m upright I’m only focusing on reaching the next place where I can sit.

Dad tootles us off to Westfield Carindale and on arrival, pops the boot to get my manual wheelchair out! Hallelujah, that means I’ll get to browse for items today; suddenly this shopping trip looks awesome!

With my thirty bucks, I wanna make a beeline for the closest bookstore but first must wait along the hallway when dad spots one of his favourite shops, Robin’s Kitchen. Only I musnt be very impatient/dad takes too long there coz I spot a Target next door and tell the parents, “I’m going into Target. Come find me when you’re done.”

Several minutes later, mother finds me browsing an aisle somewhere; I haven’t made it very deep into the store because while I can wheel and steer myself just fine with only one more-or-less fully functioning arm and leg, I’m rather slow. XD

Mother finds Dymocks! Even before I enter the store, I see the two books I’m after sitting right out the front! Of course, new releases are always expensive and sure enough, I’ve only got money to buy either one, but after I read the blurbs I’m no closer to making a decision on which I should buy! See, Feist is my absolute favourite author ever and Reilly’s really exciting to read! Hmm … do you think mother would be willing to shout me the extra money so I can buy both the books? Nah, she’s not THAT nice. (Actually, if you ask me, she’s not even remotely nice at all, but shh … XD) in the end, I walk away with neither, because mother says don’t spend your cash on books; go buy clothes instead!

Yay that there’s a JayJays in Carindale; more than two years ago, when mother still allowed me to use my manual wheelchair on my fortnightly shopping trips at Garbo, Jay Jays was my favourite store! I remember once visiting their website and finding out that it’s a store that catered for like twenty to twenty-five year olds; I’d asked my carer, “Um, should I find a new favourite shop now? Coz I’ve outgrown that age bracket. My carer had grinned back. “No worries. You’re Asian and Asians look younger; Jay Jays can still be your favourite shop.” Score. XD

Anyways, at Jay Jays, I picked up two/three tees; that’s my Boxing Day sales shopping done for the year!

Shopping done, dad tootles us home. Mother hits the sack upstairs, I pop online for my most important two hours of the day and dearest dad starts whipping up a birthday dinner for mother!

When mother tumbles downstairs from her long nap, I’m ordered off to shower. After I’m nearly all redressed, ding dong! Our first guests arrive; it’s the Kwoks! Joey’s come with but not Matthew; I presume he’s got other plans for Boxing Day.

Once I’m all set, I make my way out of the bathroom. Upon seeing me, Joey calls, “Hey Em, I brought you a Christmas present!” to which I reply, “Sweet, many thanks! Please put it under the tree; I’ll unwrap it tonight.”

It’s about 6pm; I’ve just tuned into Nine’s news to watch their 6pm bulletin, when dinner’s called! Oh, and the Slams arrive also~

One more loo trip for me before I join everything @ the dining table.

My dearest dad’s prepared a sumptuous spread for everyone: there’s duck, tofu, prawns, fish, veggies and rice. Someone else opens a bottle of white wine; I laughingly tell our guests that when they leave tonight they’re to follow the colourful footprints my dad has stuck onto the floor; if they can’t walk in a straight line then before reaching the front door take the last left and sleep on the bed there; that’s my bedroom now but I’ve also got one upstairs and I’ll hike up one floor to sleep tonight should you prove incapable to walk in a straight line, thus obviously rendering you unfit to drive. XD

Over dinner, everyone just chats. I ask Joey how come Matthew didn’t join us tonight; she tells me he’s got other plans and actually just returned from a work trip in India!

Afterwards, mother’s prepared a cake, because Aunty Catherine, Aunty A Anna and her all have birthdays in December! I rather like this cake; I probably think it’s particularly delicious because she remembered to add unsalted butter and not salted butter, like she did for my SALTY birthday cheesecake. XD

Everyone takes their leave around 9pm; I wave Uncle Calvin and Uncle Slam to proceed me down the hallway then following them before declaring at the entrance, “Good, you can both walk in a straight line. That’s why I’m allowing you to leave. Else you would’ve just turned left here and slept on that bed.” XD

After everyone had taken their leave, I visited the loo once more then sat down to unwrap my presents from Santa!

… What can I say? Thanks for my presents, but I’m rather disappointed, Santa; you didn’t get me very many at all! >< XD When I mentioned this sad fact that to mother, she rather unkindly jeered at me, “Well, duh. You’re OLD now. Old people don’t get presents.” Huh, I’m still gonna keep writing Christmas wishlists to Santa asking for Christmas presents; you try and stop me! >< XD

anyhow, that’s how I spent my Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. The silly season is now officially over for another year!

Next post here … well sorry for being rather unorganized and not blogging about the 24^th, 25^th and 26^th of December until now; 2019 arrives the day after tomorrow, and I’ll haveta post my reflections for the year that’s about to leave us! Anyhow, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

XMas Greetings 2018

Heylo everyone! Wow, just like that we’re into the last month of this year already; hope you’ve enjoyed 2018 as much as I have!

If you’ve followed these silly Xmas Greetings of mine, you may recall that for both last year and the year before my year began with a depressingly low note. Two years ago, I was moronic enough to catch a bloody COLD smack bang in the middle of blazing hot SUMMER (thankfully, it’s not happened again since XD) and then last year marked one whole DECADE since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my entire life with the disabling brain tumor, leaving me a disabled useless bum. When this year arrived, I was hoping and thinking that surely, third time lucky, I deserved a break and would have an awesome start to the year??

The answer was a resounding YES because the parents and I took a weeklong holiday over to New Zealand!

Two reasons why that trip was memorable for me: (1) I got to see my godsisters for the first time since 2004 and meet not only my godnephew but my godpet (a goddog, actually; please don’t tell my Year Twelve English teacher I’m making up new English words here otherwise she’ll most likely smack me over the head for being so audacious XD)! I was probably a really bad influence on my little godnephew (who’s just started primary school) because I introduced him to the addictive game Candy Crush; the next morning, just as I was about to tuck into breakfast, he rushed over and eagerly asked me, “Can I play your game, please??” XD

(2) The other reason why this weeklong holiday trip to New Zealand was memorable for me was because the parents and I made a trip to Hobbiton, home to the Lord of the Rings movie set! See, the final Lord of the Rings movie, Return of the King, was released in like 2004; my close high school friend and I were HUGE fans!

Not being very mobile these days (being ridiculously physically disabled will do that to you ><) originally I was rather dreading having to hike all over Hobbiton and stand looking at things but like I’d told mother, it’d be worth it, coz I’ve always been a massive fan of all things Middle Earth!

However, I was super-impressed that after I’d dismounted the tour bus, there was actually a golf buggy complete with driver (who was also an employee of the company that gave these Middle Earth tours) waiting for me! After I’d awkwardly climbed into the golf buggy she reassured me she’d tell me everything that the main walking group were hearing from the tourist guide coz she was one herself too, sweet.

While she drove me along, we started chatting. On the topic of travel, she tells me wistfully, “Oh, I’d love to visit Australia one day.” The evil part of me (you can’t deny it; we all have an inner naughty part of ourselves somewhere deep within XD) screamed, “DROP BEARS!’ and I couldn’t resist. I told her very seriously, “In that case, make sure you’re very careful and keep an eye out for those feral drop bears.” My driver/tourist guide flashes me a puzzled look. “Drop bears?” She asks, evidently never having heard of them before. My inner evil part yells score!! And I let a note of (fake XD) incredulity creep into my tone. “You mean you’ve never heard of drop bears before??’ Nope, she’s completely innocent, because she admits, “Never,” then adds in a curious tone, “What are drop bears?” This time, I let a note of (again, fake XD) derision creep into my tone. “Well, surely you’ve heard of koalas before?”

“Oh sure, I know about koalas.”

“Can you tell me about them? Like, do they scamper really fast and swing from trees, etc.?”

“Umm, no, I don’t think so. Aren’t they like sedentary and just cling to trees?’

Perfect! Trying to sound teacher-like, I explain, “Exactly. Drop bears are like koalas, only they’re the feral kind. Much larger and they’ve got fangs. What they do is hang onto some tree, wait for some stupid unsuspecting tourist to walk under their tree, and then DROP on their head – hence the name drop bear – and rip their head off!” I accompany my description with what I consider appropriate hand-waving, highlighting when the drop bear ‘dropped’ from its perch.

“No way!” My tourist guide and driver exclaims, shocked. “You’ve gotta be pulling my leg!”

“Seriously,” I deadpan back at her. “It’s on our local news all the time. ‘Stupid Kiwi tourist wanders into Daisy Hill Forest, gets head ripped off by drop bear. Oh, okay, I’m exaggerating slightly. Drop bears don’t always rip their victims’ head off, but they will leave scratches all over the face. Quite deep scratches, too.”

“Wow… thanks for warning me. I’ll most definitely remember to keep an eye out for them when I visit Australia and walk very carefully.” My tourist guide/driver replies, and inside I’m like score! My first victim! Definitely proud to be an Australian today! I manage to keep my composure for all of about five minutes before just doubling over and howling my amusement. XD

But that wasn’t the end of the drop bear saga, either! For the past several years, I’ve joined a Toastmasters club at QUT Gardens Point. For those of you who’ve never heard of Toastmasters before, it’s an international organization (there are clubs all around the world) focusing on public speaking and leadership skills. Since the club I’m a member of is based at a university, stands to reason there’d be a lot of international students, right?

Anyhow at one club meeting during this year, I fool another member (an international student) into believing about drop bears! Awhile later, she shares a photo of herself onto Facebook showing her at Lone Pine koala sanctuary posing with a koala and I couldn’t resist, commenting, “Koalas are very distant cousins to drop bears, did you know!” When I see her next at Toastmasters, I ask her cheekily, “Seen any drop bears recently?” My friend scowls, throws her arms out wide and dramatically responds, “Emily Chan, because of you, I now suffer from trust issues!” I smirk back at her. “Nah, you’re fine. Look on the bright side; you’ll even feature in my Xmas Greetings this year!” Then we both crack up, after which I reassure her that the secret’s safe and I won’t refer to her by name. XD

May the 23^rd, 2018, marked a very special date for me: a whole TEN YEARS since I was first released from the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra hospital XD)! While I don’t think I’ll ever just ‘get over’ the trauma of the hellish days, weeks and months I spent in that awful place, I think I’ll just try and acknowledge that as a very bad time in my life that I’ve gone through and hopefully come out the stronger for it.

If I grow to be a ripe old age, I know I’ll never be wise. Why? Coz back in July, I went and had all my wisdom teeth taken out! See, several six month dental checkups ago, my dentist took a mouth x-ray and reported, “Hey, your wisdom teeth are starting to come out,” to which I replied, “Sweet! Maybe I’ll finally become wise!” However, his next words dash my hopes. “Sorry, they’re coming out crooked. If they keep coming out in this direction, you’ll haveta get them removed.” Ohh, there go all my hopes of ever becoming wise … XD My dentist keeps an eye on my wisdom teeth over the next several six-month checkups and this July, he says it’s time to get them removed. I’m booked in to see his dental surgeon, who’s actually the same guy I saw back in 2001 when my mouth went trigger happy on me and grew me THREE EXTRA teeth above my jaw/under my nose (yes, you can all tell I’ve never studied anatomy before XD)! When mother and I were sitting in his waiting room, he comes out to call his next patient; mother turns to me and whispers excitedly, “Em, I still recognize him! He’s not grown width-wise at all but just gotten greyer!” Anyways, at the consultation, I ask him please would it be possible for him to do the procedure under a local and not a general anesthesia? It’s just that I’ve heard that every time you go under general anesthesia, you wake up a bazillion times more stupid, and since I’ve already been under like eight times since my brain injury, if you keep putting me under like that – “You won’t have any brain left?’ The dental surgeon butts in cheekily.

“Actually, I was gonna say you won’t be able to find anyone more stupid than me,” I retort back at him, “But yes, I like your explanation better. I’ll have no brain left.” Then we both explode into laughter, after which he assures me that yes, he can just do the wisdom teeth extraction under a local anesthesia. Sweet.

Before I sign the consent form for the procedure, I carefully read all the clauses. There’s one there that particularly worries me, and I bring it up with the dentist. “Dr. Chahoud, it says that one possible side effect of the procedure may be that I will PERMANENTLY LOSE ALL taste sensation!” Then I wibble dramatically at him and mock-wail, “But if I can’t taste chocolate or ice cream anymore after you pull all my wisdom teeth out, I’d haveta off myself, because surely life wouldn’t be worth living if you can’t taste chocolate/ice cream anymore!” More laughter from him, before Dr. Chahoud reassures me that he’s only put that clause in there just in case and that he’s never known it to happen before. Phew. XD

Granted, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m probably the wimpiest person alive on the planet Earth and I really didn’t enjoy the fact that Dr. Chahoud stabbed not four, not eight, but TWELVE needles into my mouth! >< Okay, I’m a wuss. XD But you gotta gimme SOME credit; I didn’t react outwardly at all! After the wisdom teeth were all out and he’d let me sit back up, I asked to please see my teeth coz I wanted to wave goodbye to my wisdom that never had the chance to be. XD After his dental nurse brought my wisdom teeth over, I sat up, looked into the dish and did a double take: at first glance, there were like TWELVE bits of teeth there! Nervously, I ask the dental surgeon, “Um, you were only meant to take my four wisdom teeth out but at first glance, there are like TWELVE chunks of tooth there! Did you go trigger happy and pull out every single tooth in my mouth; is my mouth now empty except for my tongue??” The doctor laughs and reassures me that he really only took out those four wisdom tooth; the reason why there’s so many chunks of teeth there is because the teeth didn’t come out cleanly and he had to break them. Well, phew. Here I was, terrified I’d be reduced to tofu for like the rest of my life! XD

When I left his dental practice, I received a note warning me that the swelling post procedure would be heaviest three/four days afterwards. It just so happens that three days after my wisdom teeth extraction, I attend my writers group at the Garden City library! After I grab a seat, a member looks over at me and then exclaims, “Em, when’s happened to you?? Your face is all swollen!!”

Showing no expression on my face whatsoever, I deadpan back at him, “Yeah? Mother bashed me up this morning. Morale of the story? Don’t piss her off.” Poor Boyd honestly looks shocked for a split second, before he just doubles over with laughter. Obviously, I’m as bad as lying as I’ve ever been. XD After he’s finished laughing his head off, Boyd looks questioningly at me and this time I tell the truth. “All wisdom teeth taken out under general anaesthesia three days ago. Got a note warning that the swelling would be heaviest three/four days post extraction, so apologies if I look a fright right now.” XD

This year, my church friend offers to take me to the Ekka! Do you recall the drama concerning my strawberry sundae that happened last time I went to the Ekka two years ago? (I shared about that in my Xmas Greetings 2016; go back and read, if you’ve forgotten!) Well, sth similar happened this year! I was about to pass my strawberry sundae over to my friend to hold so I could get my mobile out and grab a photo of the sundae and I when plop! The strawberry suddenly rolls off the ice cream and lands on top of my bag! “Eek, help! Samuel, save my strawberry!’ I wail, terrified that a repeat of the dramatics that happened with my strawberry sundae two years ago would occur again. Samuel laughs, calmly reaches over, retrieves my escapist strawberry and restores him to the top of the sundae, before snapping the photo for me. Phew. Crisis averted. XD

The other reason why this Ekka trip was so memorable for me’s because I brought home a FLUFFY UNICORN!! For those of you familiar with the Despicable Me cartoon franchise, you should recall that the youngest daughter Agnes develops an obsession with the fluffy unicorn she sees at the carnival. “It’s so FLUFFY I could DIE!” She shrieks with excitement. Anyways, at the Ekka that day with Samuel, I saw some people lugging around HUGE fluffy unicorns! Mother had left me money for three games; I’d played the clown one (you know, where you drop the ball down the open mouth of a rotating clown head; the ball lands on a slot with a number and at the end those numbers are added together and you get a prize according to the number you’ve achieved) and the duck game (it’s evolved; in the past, you just hooked out a duck and were given a prize according to the number on the back but now, you’re given a small net to scoop up THREE ducks from, whose numbers are then added up for your prize!). For my last game, I went over to the guy manning the stall that had little fluffy unicorns for prizes and told him, “I want a fluffy unicorn. What do I haveta do to win one?” Well, the guy explained to me, it’s a game where you throw darts to pop balloons. Ten dollars gives you three darts and twenty dollars gives you ten darts; if I gave him twenty dollars, he promised to gimme a fluffy unicorn! Deal! Only problem was that back in primary school soccer, I played a right defensive back; I couldn’t aim for nuts! XD Still, I managed to pop six balloons with my ten darts; the guy kept his promise and gave me a little FLUFFY UNICORN!! :D like me, he’s not very good at standing; actually, he’s worse off than me coz while I’m able to stand (albeit with immense difficulty), my fluffy unicorn simply CAN’T stand. My friend, who’s a vet by trade, gave him a physical examination then explained to me why he was unable to stand. “He’s got weak hips.” Well, truth be told, I thought you used your legs to stand and not your hips, but hey, I’m not the professional vet here! XD

One final story to share for 2018: over the term break three school holidays, I went and met Hello Kitty! Well, someone had dressed up as Hello Kitty and was on the top level of Sunnybank Hills Shoppingtown posing for photos. After I’d given her a hug, I was finally able to ask her the burning question that’s been plaguing me ever since I saw what Hello Kitty looked like: “Hello Kitty, how do you eat? You have no mouth; you must be starving! Look how thin your legs are!” In response, Hello Kitty picks up my hand, curls my fingers into a fist then pulls out the pointer finger, before raising it to my lips, miming ‘shh’. Then she does the same herself, placing her finger over the place where you’d normally expect a mouth to be. Then suddenly I understand! “Gotcha, Hello Kitty!” I laugh. “You get all your nutrients via osmosis! Well, lovely to meet you; have fun taking photos with everyone else!” XD

Anyways, 2019 will arrive in less than one month’s time, please allow me to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year ahead! Would love to catch-up with everyone over a meal to reflect on the year that’s about to leave us, but unfortunately, all the way back in MAY (yes, even before half the year was over ><) dad randomly forbade me from contacting anyone for Christmas! Huh, I reckon he was just taking a page out of mother’s book, because all the way back in March mother already forbade me from contacting anyone to celebrate my birthday over a meal with! >< *sigh* But I’d still love to catch-up over breakfast/lunch/dinner with you, so how about you contact me? Please don’t reply this e-mail, just compose a new one and say sth like, “Hey Em, read your Xmas Greetings. Haven’t seen you all year; are you free for a catchup together?” But yay for Facebook; I look forward to staying in contact with everyone next year!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

P.S. Next post here … prolly my account of how I spent Christmas and Boxing Day this year! Righteo, until then~

Teeth

I’ve always been a dental DISASTER. XD

My long saga begins all the way back in the 90s. Back in 1999, when I was in Year Seven at Shailer Park State School, a visit to the school dental van reveals some interesting news: after an x-ray, the dentist tells me, “Did you know? Above your jaw but beneath your nose, you’ve got THREE EXTRA teeth!”

Bemused mother takes me home, telling me, “Well, I’ve heard of kids being born missing teeth, but you’re the first kid I’ve ever heard of that’s got extra teeth. It must be all the milk that you drink.”

I’m not sure why the long wait, but it’s not until 2001, when I’m in Year Nine at Canterbury College, that I’m booked into the Wesley hospital for day surgery: first to take the three extra teeth out, then to take an extra four milk teeth out for braces.

Seeing that it’s only three years from happening two decades ago, obviously I’ve barely any recollection of it. Someone put me under general anaesthesia, and some dental surgeon called Dr. Christopher Chahoud takes out all seven teeth. The only memory I have of that event is reaching home afterwards, mother taking me upstairs and putting me to sleep in their ensuite master bedroom, the only room with air conditioning. Obviously, I walk around with big puffy cheeks for awhile afterwards; the only plus to that was having ice cream for dinner at night, because I’m obviously too swollen to eat anything! XD

Later that year, my dentist fits me for braces. Hey, am not I a loyal customer? I’ve seen Kelvin Leung at Market Square Dental since 1999; next year will mark two DECADES I’ve been seeing Kelvin for teeth care! Why I like seeing Kelvin: his practice always has the most recent gossip mags! When I commend this fact to him several years ago, he told me it was because once he had to attend some appointment and, sitting down in the waiting room, he picked up some magazine and was disgusted that the mag was three years old! “Never will my practice stock such out-of-date magazines,” he declares. Not only that, he tells the receptionist to leave me all of the previous month’s gossip mags! She does so happily, confiding to me, “We only throw the old ones out.” Actually, one time mother and I were standing at the counter; mother was paying one receptionist. Suddenly, there’s a tap on my shoulder and I turn around. There, holding a big stack of gossip mags, is the other receptionist! Holding them out to me with one hand, she places one finger over her lips with her other hand, cautioning me to ‘shh’. I nod, grin and flush her the thumbs up; when mother turns around and sees me holding the stack of gossip mags, she screeches, “Emily!” to which I smirk and say, “What? You were paying, and suddenly these magazines just floated over to me all by themselves! I think they’re meant for me, don’t you?” Both receptionists burst out laughing; mother just gives an exasperated sigh and orders me out the door. XD

But back to braces. They are annoying: firstly, since I’m Cantonese and have rice for dinner nearly every night, after finishing almost every dinner I must spend the next several minutes teasing the grains of rice that have gotten stuck in between every. Single. Brace! XD Secondly, they HURT. When I had braces, I’d see Kelvin for a check-up once a month. Often, he’d tighten the braces, leaving my mouth sore and tingly and restricting me to like tofu for the next several days, until my mouth got used to the newest adjustment. Luckily I like tofu! XD Not only that, I suffered from an overbite. I think that’s when the upper jaw protrudes out from the lower jaw, although it could just be as easily the other way around. Take your pick; you’ve got a fifty-fifty chance of picking the right one! XD To correct this problem, Kelvin had me put elastics on my braces; I think to pull the jaw closer together? Dental people, please correct me if I’m wrong. XD They were given cute animal names, like, smaller animals for the lighter elastics and bigger animals for the stronger ones. I didn’t like them because obviously, they hurt. XD

I wore my braces for three years; after they were finally taken off I kept running my tongue over my teeth coz I couldn’t get over the fact how SMOOTH my teeth were! XD

If only that were the end of all my dental disasters but alas, that surely wasn’t the case.

Fast forward to 2007. The cruel and unfaithful God has so wantonly destroyed my life by smiting me down with the brain tumour, botched surgery and subsequent stroke, leaving me a useless disabled bum. While I’m in the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra hospital XD) I’m booked in to see Kelvin. Why I actually remember that check-up: back them I’m really not mobile (to be honest, I’m still not; alas ><); in fact, I attend that appointment in my manual wheelchair!

After I’ve transferred myself to the dental chair and Kelvin’s had a dig around my mouth, he remarks that my teeth have become all smooth. “Do you grind your teeth at night by any chance?” He remarks. I’m about to reply, “Um, I’m asleep, how would I know?” when mother, who for some reason isn’t outside in the waiting room but inside with me sitting on an extra chair in the room, jumps in and exclaims, “Oh yes she does; I’ve heard her! It’s really noisy and she makes this ‘sark sark’ sound at night!”

Actually, correction: mother informs me that I’ve worn my mouth splint even before my brain injury. I wear that splint every night before sleeping, and while the splint doesn’t prevent me from grinding my teeth, it ensures I only grind the splint and don’t further grind away my teeth. Turns out my mouth’s hard at work even while I’m asleep: I’ve clean ground away two mouth splints already and am onto my third! XD Still, the damage has been done; turns out ground-away teeth don’t grow back like fingernails do! I’m rather disappointed; my teeth having gone all smooth means I’m not really not a fan of eating chewy meat like beef simply because since I’ve ground my teeth away, I’m not really good with chewing anymore. Indeed, should the parents cook beef for dinner, after the meal I often report a slightly achy jaw to mother, coz I’ve had to work so hard chewing the meat. Nowadays, mother kindly gets the scissors and snips my beef into lil tidbits for me, thus making for easier chewing.

One (hopefully! XD) final story in my dental disaster saga: wisdom teeth! Several six month checkups ago, Kelvin takes an x-ray of my mouth and reports that my wisdom teeth are starting to come out. “Awesome, I’ll start becoming wise!” I cheer, but his next words dash my hopes. “Sorry, they’re coming out crooked. If they keep coming out like that, you’ll have to get them removed.” I think he said the top ones were more a problem than the bottom ones, coz they were growing more crookedly and thus impacting on my regular teeth? I’m like, “Oh, there goes my chance of ever becoming wise…” but I immediately perk up again, “But that means I’ll get ice cream for dinner at night again; awesome!”

Anyways, Kelvin keeps an eye on my wisdom teeth for me, taking regular x-rays, and come July this year reports the time has come to get them removed. He says he’s been using the same dental surgeon his entire career and that he’s very good; I’m booked in to see him for an appointment. Seeing that he’s always used the same dental surgeon, any chance that it’ll be the same guy that took out all my extra teeth back in 2001? I obviously wouldn’t remember, but mother, who’s much better at remembering faces than dad or I, does! “It’s him!” She tells me excitedly when we’re @ his private practice for the initial appointment and he walks out and calls in his next patient. “I recognise him; he’s not changed width wise at all but just gotten greyer!”

When my name’s called, I walk into his room, shake his hand and take a seat. “Mother tells me that she recognises you,” I inform Dr. Chahoud. “You took out three extra teeth plus four more for braces back in 2001, but I’m terrible with faces and don’t remember you, apologies!”

Dr. Chahoud laughs, says no worries and takes a seat himself.

“So, tell me what’s happened to you since I last saw you back in 2001,” says he.

“Me? Oh, nothing special. I graduated high school in 2004 and did my first two years at uni but suffered a brain injury in 2007 and have become horribly disabled. I’m sure you noticed when I was walking into your room.”

Dr. Chahoud nods then prompts, “Your dentist referred me to see you because …?”

“Oh, my wisdom teeth are starting to come out but they’re coming out crooked, so my dentist says it’s time to see you and get them taken out. I went and had that head x-ray taken.” That was actually really cool; instead of just being told to hold still, I held still while this revolving camera went around my head and took x-rays!

Dr. Chahoud examines my x-rays, and then asks me, “How do you want this to be done?”

Oh, I already know. “Please, is it possible for you to do it under a local anaesthesia and a sedative? It’s just that I’ve heard that every time you go under general anaesthesia, you wake up millions of times more stupid, and since I’ve already been put under eight times following my brain injury, if you put me under again, soon I’ll” –  Dr. Chahoud buts in cheekily, “Soon you’ll have no brain left?” I deadpan back at him, “Actually, I was gonna say you wouldn’t be able to find anyone more stupid than me, but yeah, I like your explanation better: I’ll have no brain left.” We both burst into laughter after which he reassures me that yes, he can do it under a local. Score. Next, he asks where I want the procedure done. “Do I haveta go to a hospital like the Wesley back in 2001 when you took seven of my teeth out?” I ask.

“Nope. I can do it here for you, if you’d like,” Dr. Chahoud replies. Mother’s ecstatic: that means she won’t haveta drive all the way into the city and contend with troublesome parking!

A date for the procedure’s set: mid-late July. Next I haveta sign a consent form. As is my custom, I read the conditions carefully before signing my life away. But there’s one clause there that worries me particularly, and I bring it up with Dr. Chahoud. “Um, it says one possible side effect of the procedure’s that I may lose PERMANENTLY ALL taste sensation.” Then I wibbled dramatically at the dental surgeon and mock-wail, “But Dr. Chahoud, if I can’t taste ice cream or chocolate anymore, how will I LIVE my life! My life won’t be worth living anymore; I’d haveta off myself!!” More laughter from Dr. Chahoud, before he reassures me that he’s only added that clause in just in case and that he’s actually never known for it to happen before. So I ‘should’ be safe. Should being the operative word. XD Dr. Chahoud also asks me how would I like to have the procedure done; like, would I like to see him four times and have one wisdom tooth taken out each time? I immediately refuse this offer, asking could he please just take all four out in one go? Coz I’d rather be one big fat swollen face in pain just once rather than haveta recover four separate times! Phew, Dr. Chahoud agrees to take all four wisdom teeth out in one go.

After signing my life away, mother drives me home, and I tell two friends of mine that are dentists by trade over Facebook that I’m having wisdom teeth extraction surgery next month. Their responses frighten me, I’ll admit, one friend immediately replying, “Oh no…” and I’m like, “Don’t react like that; you’re making me even more scared than I already am!” XD The other friend suggests that before I have the dental surgery done, I should ask the parents please to take me out once to eat pork ribs and another time to eat steak, coz after that, I’m going to be reduced to like custard for awhile. Good idea! I mention that to the mother, and she gets dearest dad to take us out to the nearby Glen Hotel one night to eat pork ribs, then on the day of my wisdom teeth extraction, she takes me to eat steak at the Chatterbox in Sunnybank Hills Shoppingtown!

After lunch, mother tootles me off to Browns Plains for the procedure. Have I said already? She’s immensely grateful that she doesn’t haveta drive me into the city for it, coz finding parking there’s notably atrocious. Me, I’m grateful that it’s just a short walk into the clinic; obviously mother doesn’t lemme use my manual wheelchair mostly and I had to walk into the clinic myself.

This time, there’s no talking needed to be done; after a short wait, I’m pointed into one of the rooms, where a big dental chair’s waiting. A kindly dental nurse smiles at me and says Dr. Chahoud will be along shortly; while we await his arrival we just chat about mundane things like the weather.

Once Dr. Chahoud arrives, he gets right into it! Since he’s agreed to extract my wisdom teeth under local anaesthesia, he immediately starts jabbing my poor mouth with needles. For the first four stings, I’m like ow. For the next four, I’m like, argh, are you finished yet?! For the four after that, I’m like, okay, I think you’ve killed my mouth. TWELVE jabs! >< *wails* Yeah, I’m a wuss. XD Hey, but I didn’t outwardly react at all. You gotta gimme some credit, surely? XD Dr. Chahoud lets mother stay in the room and hold my hand while he pricks me with shot after shot after shot. Once that’s done, he plants himself squarely in front of mother and orders, “Get out.” In fact, afterwards mother claims he like barrelled her outta the operating room!

But when Dr. Chahoud comes back and starts extracting my wisdom teeth, he’s become very gentle, calling me endearments like ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’ and even ‘princess’! Lol, what a difference: at home mother usually just calls me derogatory names like ‘stinky’ and ‘pig’. XD

There’s quite a heavy wrenching sensation and cracking noises while Dr. Chahoud and his dental nurse are inside my mouth, but luckily absolutely no pain; Dr. Chahoud must’ve injected the local anaesthesia in all the right places.

When it’s all over, Dr. Chahoud says I may sit up. I do so slowly and gingerly, in case I’m hit with dizziness/nausea/whatever, but luckily, am fine.

The dental surgeon smiles at me. “Are you okay?” He asks me. “How are you feeling?”

“I presume the local anaesthesia hasn’t worn off yet, coz I’m feeling just peachy/dandy. May I say bye to them?” I reply.

Dr. Chahoud’s momentarily confused. “Say bye to what?”

“My wisdom teeth, of course! Now that you’ve pulled them out, I’m never gonna be wise so I just wanna see them one last time and say bye to my wisdom that never had time to develop.”

The dental surgeon laughs, replies “Sure!” and instructs me to lie back down while he asks his dental nurse to please fetch my teeth for me.

Once they’ve arrived, I sit back up, glance into the silver dish (dunno what that’s called … petrie (sp?) dish? No, that was what I think I used for science experiments back during high school. XD) and do a double take. At first glance, there are like TWELVE teeth there! Nervously, I ask Dr. Chahoud, “Um, you were supposed to just take out my four wisdom teeth, only at first glance, there are like twelve teeth there! Did you really just take out my four wisdom teeth, or did you go trigger happy and pull out every tooth inside my mouth?! Is my mouth now like empty bar from my tongue??” Dr. Chahoud laughs before reassuring me that he really only did extract my four wisdom teeth, that I’ve still got all the rest of my regular teeth inside my mouth and the reason why there’s so many pieces inside that little silver bowl/dish is because they (the teeth) didn’t come out cleanly and he had to break them. Well, phew. Here I was, nervous that I’d be reduced to like tofu for the rest of my life. XD

Actually, I wanted to take a photo of them, my little pieces of wisdom that I’ll never have, but bet mother wouldn’t appreciate being asked to take a photo of sth coated here and there with blood. XD Instead, I wave bye to all the wisdom that never had the time to develop, say thanks to the nurse and also apologise sheepishly to her, because after extraction she’d immediately thrown them in the bin and when I’d requested to see them again, Dr. Chahoud had actually sent her back outside to the disposal bins to retrieve them for me! XD

After I stand back up, I shake Dr. Chahoud’s hand, say thanks then take a quick seat back outside in the waiting room, while mother settles the bill. That done, we head back out into the car; I’m grateful that our car wasn’t parked too faraway and I don’t haveta walk too far before reaching it.

Before driving us home, mother rings dearest dad to let him know that the procedure’s done, I’m still alive and we’re going home now. XD

Back home, Tina’s the carer/life coach/support worker/whatever they’re called now XD who’s minding me from 4pm till 6pm. As usual, I head into the bathroom for my shower. Nowadays, I always test the water temperature on my right foot to check that the water’s the right warmth because my left limbs are demented and I don’t wanna accidentally burn myself if I test the water there first and it’s too hot. Once it’s hot enough, I move the showerhead up to my tummy to wet myself and am just about to move it up to my head to start wetting my hair so I can wash it, when suddenly I cough and spit BLOOD down my front! I say levelly, “Tina, could you please go get my mum for me? I need her,” but inside I’m like OMG I’m coughing BLOOD up!! >< When mother appears I’m like, “Um, nursey mum please help I swear I didn’t fill my mouth with water like you warned me against but suddenly I just coughed up blood and honestly I didn’t do anything because the water only just got hot…” Mother says it’s fine and open up your mouth so I can take a look inside then reassures me there’s nothing to worry about because Dr. Chahoud stuffed your mouth with gauze after the surgery and to keep showering.

Afterwards for arvo tea, I suck on a little tub of chocolate mousse. Why that chocolate mousse would have tasted superior to any other chocolate mouse: the plastic peel lids were decorated with MINIONS. XD Actually, mother was funny: during morning tea at church one morning, after I’d bewailed to someone that I was having all my wisdom teeth taken out and would be restricted to only soft food for awhile, mother had loudly informed everyone within earshot that she was gonna buy me like custard, jelly and other soft foods so that I would stay fed when I was too swollen to chew anything, but when I asked her was she gonna buy said soft food for me while I was attending ESS and dearest dad Bible study, when she and all her aunty friends were having their very informal ‘fellowship’ (dunno why she insists calling it that, it’s really nothing more than a coffee and gossip session) she replied sth like, “Why would I do that? No, you can buy them with me yourself.’ Huh, hyprocrite: why the need to loudly announce your (false) intentions to everyone present during morning tea?? *sigh* No matter, my chocolate mousse definitely did taste better for the minion picture attached to the top. XD

Dr. Chahoud actually put me on a course of antibiotics; I was unsure why, coz I didn’t have an infection! Was it for prevention? That just brings up the topic of overmedication: should we pump our bodies full of antibiotics before we have any need to?

For the first night, mother actually props my head up on one extra pillow; I think when I left Dr. Chahoud’s dental place I’d received a note saying do that to keep swelling down? Only the next morning I woke up with a wry neck (say ‘fun lai geng’ in Canto) and informed mother, who removed it, saying I wasn’t very swollen so didn’t need the extra support. Actually, all kudos goes to Chahoud, who performed the surgery so skilfully that I didn’t swell too badly at all!

Obviously, there was some apparent swelling, like the pamphlet I’d received from Dr. Chahoud’s clinic before I left that afternoon had said. It’d warned that the swelling would be the heaviest three/four days post surgery; it just so happened that three days after my wisdom teeth extraction, I attended GCCW at the Garbo library! After I’d entered and taken a seat, one member glanced at me and then exclaimed, “Em, what’s happened to your face?   You’re all swollen!”

I deadpan back at him, “Yeah? Mother bashed me up this morning. Morale of the story? Don’t piss her off.”

Boyd looks shocked for a second, and then bursts into laughter. Obviously, I’m as bad at lying as I’ve always have been. XD After he’s finished laughing his head off, Boyd looks at my swollen face questioningly, and this time I tell the truth. “All wisdom teeth taken out under local anaesthesia three days ago. Got a note from the dentist saying that swelling would be worst three/four days post surgery; apologies if I look a fright right now.”

Boyd nods understandingly. “Guess you won’t be joining us for morning tea then, I’m presuming?”

“Wrong!” I shoot back, reaching into my bag and taking out my purse and fishing out the two dollar coin mother had left me. “Actually, I BYO’d morning tea today but I’ve bought two bucks along; could you just pour me a mug of cold milk? Don’t think I’m up to drinking anything hot like tea until I stop walking around with a bloated face.” Boyd replies, of course!

That first night, I also got ICE CREAM for dinner! :D It’s only ever happened once before: back in 2001, when I’d seen Dr. Chahoud and he’d put me under general anaesthesia before removing seven teeth (the three extra and four more so I could get braces) again, that first night, while the parents had rice for dinner I slurped ice cream coz I was obviously too swollen to chew anything! Same again the first night after wisdom teeth extraction.

While I love custard, the only problem with having that for dinner’s that the ‘rice bucket’ (in Canto: farn tong) in me was miserable! Have I explained yet? I’m not so Chinese that I need rice for breakfast, rice for lunch and rice for dinner (because there are Chinese in China that are so Chinese they really have rice for all three meals of the day) but I am Chinese enough that I need rice for dinner, else I simply don’t feel full! Back when I was young and the parents decided we’d be having hotpot for dinner, I’d most certainly have asked the parents, can you please cook rice for dinner toms night? Then when I was imprisoned in the insane asylum obviously rice wasn’t served for dinner! Well, from memory, it was served for every second Tuesday lunch (isn’t it sad that I’ve been released from the insane asylum for just over 10.5 years and can still recite the weekly menu?? >< XD) but the rice was like CRUNCHY, eww!! >< XD I still recall back on the 22^nd of May, 2008, the night before I was finally released from the insane asylum forever, when my parents were leaving for the night (visiting hours ended at 8pm) I called mum back and reminded her, “Please make sure you cook me some rice for when I come home forever tomorrow night!” I still remember, when mother appeared sometime after midday, my first words upon seeing her were, “Did you cook me some rice for dinner tonight??” When she replied in the affirmative, I was like, “Mum, you’re the best! Oh, and sorry, hi. Let’s go home now!” XD

After wisdom teeth removal, I obviously wasn’t in any condition to eat rice for about one week, but after the swelling had more or less died done, mother kindly cooked extra-soggy rice, boiled some vegetables super-soft and mixed some pork mince into the rice and vegies for me. That night, when I sat down with the parents for dinner and had rice again, I almost cried. XD Well, I’m being melodramatic here; I wasn’t even near crying, but I was super-thankful to be once more eating rice again! XD

Brushing teeth and flossing was also non-existent right after wisdom teeth extraction. At first, I just used the antiseptic gargle three times daily (after each meal) and didn’t floss; after the swelling died down mother instructed me to just brush the front teeth. Mother found me some kinda gargle without alcohol; I know I’m idiotic enough to be allergic to alcohol but isn’t that only when I consume it? Surely I wouldn’t turn bright red/break out in hives if I only swilled it around my mouth and then spat it out?? Anyhow, I just used the gargle thrice daily until mother deemed I’d unswollen (apparently not a word according to Microsoft Word, nut I’m sure you get what I mean? XD) enough to start flossing again. Nowadays, I’m obviously unable to use dental floss like other able-bodied people coz I’ve only got one more-or-less functioning hand. Several years back, my dentist gives me a flosette, which is just a stick that you snap a detachable flossing thing to. After I floss, I always spit once out into the basin. That first night, I floss, spit and then screech, “Mum! Help, I’m BLEEDING!’ O_o Mother dashes in, I open my mouth and whimper at her, and she peers into my mouth, before reassuring me, “Don’t worry, you’re not bleeding. Probably your gums are still tender from the operation. Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you when you floss tomorrow night.”

The next night, I again gingerly floss, spit … and then wail, “Mum! I’m STILL BLEEDING!” O_o

She peers into my mouth again and then replies calmly, “You’re bleeding less than last night. Don’t worry, you’ll probably not bleed tomorrow night.’

She was correct; wonder how did she know?? XD

And so endeth the long saga about my mouth being a disaster zone; fingers crossed nothing else will ever develop! XD

Next post here … surely my yearly Xmas Greetings to everyone; I’ve already penned most of it!

Righteo, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

XMas Wishlist 2018

Heylo, Santa! You’ve not heard from me for nearly one year; I sure hope you haven’t forgotten who I am, coz I reckon I’ve been awfully good this year (but just in case, please don’t ask mother coz she’s a complete party pooper and will doubtless tell you that I’m an evil human being who doesn’t deserve any presents XD) and I’m hoping you’ll bring me lotsa presents this year! Here’s what I’m after:

(1)               Books – in March, I put out my birthday wishlist (Microsoft Word tells me that wish list is, in fact, two words but hey, I think it looks fine standing as one! XD) and then in December I’ll pen my Xmas wishlist. It matters not one iota that the cruel and unfaithful God has left me such a bloody slow reader that it takes me almost one month to plough through one measly book, the fact’s that I’ve always loved reading and am determined to never let the cruel and unfaithful God take my love of reading away! My favourite genres are fantasy, science fiction and historical fiction but hey, I’ll give anything a shot bar Mills and Boon. XD Actually, could someone please buy JT’s memoir for me? When I hit the city with Kim two days ago, I saw it sitting on the shelf and was like, I want that!

(2)               Chair – this one’s something I’ve not asked for before. See, at home I use two chairs: the dining room chair and the computer chair. Infuriatingly, mother has stacked LAYERS of cushions on both – at least THREE per each chair! Could someone please get a plain chair for me?? My butt just wants a solid, level surface to plonk on minus multiple layers of cushions; thank-you very much~ Hey, that’s probably why I enjoy attending church so much; no uncomfortable layers to sit on there; just the solid chair seat. XD

(3)               Teddy – something that always features in my wishlists. Yes, all my teddies have names and yes, all are loved. Actually, I’ve subscribed to the Build-A-Bear newsletter and recently discovered that they’ve now opened a store at the Hyperdome! Please someone take me there to build a new bear!

(4)               Pet – Yes, I’m horribly guilty of the involuntary manslaughter of poor Silver and Bronze back around July 2008 but please note: that was more than ONE DECADE ago; surely I can be trusted with goldfish again?? Honestly, I seriously had zero idea they were so pathetic they needed a heater in their tank to keep them from freezing to death during the coldest of Winter; if anyone buys me goldfish again, can you please also ensure the fish tank (another word, like wishlist, I wrote as one but was corrected by Microsoft Word as two) comes with a heater?? Apart from that, Luke Mac Court, YEARS ago, you promised me a pet rock; where is it?? Okay, fair enough, you’re prolly far too busy and all being a dad, but still! Someone, I need a pet!! XD

(5)                Mobile phone – my wishlists come with one expensive item each year; for awhile now, I’ve asked for an e-reader. I finally got one for my birthday this year! Hence I’m back to asking for a new mobile phone. I’ve had my current one for … years? See, mother found me this really awesome case that comes with a clip to prop my mobile upright when I’m using it, but the clip was too flimsy and broke off ages ago. So I’d like a new smartphone, please~

(6)               Milo cereal – all my wishlists also usually come with one food item. Since nobody got me the Nesquik cereal I asked for last year; this year I’ll try for a slightly healthier option: Milo cereal, please! XD

(7)               Minions – my dearest dad actually built this ledge along our hallway wall and stuck on my minions along the shelf. Apparently, our entire BCAC church family knows I’m beyond besotted with these adorable, jellybean-shaped yellow creatures, and I can’t get enough of them! More minions please; BA-NA-NA! XD

(8)               Outdoors electric wheelchair – this year, before the NDIS came in, a church physio friend recommended I get a new electric wheelchair under the Medical Aids Subsidy Scheme before it ended. I was really excited: wouldn’t this new electric wheelchair enable me to FINALLY travel back to Hong Kong and visit all my beloved family and friends again?? I haven’t seen hardly any since 2012! See, in HK, mother and I usually live with her older younger sister, who lives up a really steep hill in Chai Wan. While I’m capable of wheeling and steering myself (albeit slowly) in my manual wheelchair, I’m physically unable to do so uphill and downhill because I’m just not physically strong enough. Back in 2012, poor dad put out his back having to push me uphill; that’s when the parents decided I couldn’t go back to Hong Kong anymore. Indeed, they each go back at least once a year themselves, while I’m stuck here. After this new electric wheelchair arrived, I eagerly asked mother when was she gonna buy our plane tickets back to Hong Kong so I could finally see all my beloved family and friends because this electric wheelchair meant that dad wouldn’t haveta push my manual wheelchair uphill; I could drive it up myself! I was stunned with her smug answer: “No, you still can’t go back to Hong Kong because it’s an indoors wheelchair and not suitable for driving around outdoors.” In that case, why the heck did I even get the electric wheelchair? Coz after its arrival, apart from sitting in it to ensure I fit, I’ve never even been allowed to use it!! It’s just sitting forlornly in the living room, doubtless run out of charge and accumulating dust. *sigh* Hence why I’m after an outdoors one. Mother also pointed out another barrier to my returning: with my electric wheelchair, where could I stay? It’d obviously be too big to fit into anyone’s doorway and it’s not safe to leave outside along some corridor; doubtless someone would pinch it. My answer to that: firstly, if bike locks are available surely someone must’ve invented wheelchair locks! Then, as for it being too big to fit into anyone’s doorway, aren’t there cheap motels/ B&Bs in HK? Surely there must be; couldn’t I just catch-up with family/friends for dinner then return to wherever cheap accommodation we’ve rented out to sleep?? Surely Hong Kong isn’t THAT inaccessible!

(9)               Watch/Pedometer – nowadays, those smart watch things also serve as pedometers. For the past week and more, I’ve been unable to note down how many steps I’ve struggled to plod for that day, because my pedometer watch perished and mother has somehow LOST the spare pedometer I keep in the house for times such as this! I know for her she couldn’t care less how many steps she walks because for her, standing and walking come as naturally as breathing, but for me, someone who’s not even meant to be able to stand again, let alone walk, how many steps I’ve struggled to plod each day matters to me; when I have a number, I know how much I’ve struggled that day for mother and without one, I just feel like I’ve wasted the day … *sigh* Mother has ordered me a new watch over eBay but it’s still not arrived yet and I’d like another pedometer/watch to keep as a spare lest the watch perish again.

(10)           Notebook – this item was suggested by mother, coz I’d run outta things to ask Santa for but I wanted to take my total up to an even ten things to ask Santa for! XD A notebook would be a good present because I keep notes for (1) church and (2) Toastmasters; one of the many disabilities that the cruel and unfaithful God has abandoned me with is memory loss; if I don’t take notes, I’m liable to clean forget what was said! Big A4 notebooks are ideal; I’ve got a clipboard I can lean on to write from~

So there you have it, Santa! With mother’s help, I’ve managed to reach the double digits of items I’m hoping you’ll bring me this Christmas! Just note that I reserve the right to add to it should the need arise. XD Your job now will be to send all your Christmas elves (i.e. all my Facebook friends XD) to get out there and buy me Christmas presents!

Next post here … watchout for my Xmas Greetings; they’re due out December the 11^th! Until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^