HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone!
Sorry, I was meant to write and post my reflections for 2015 up three nights’
ago for everybody to read and comment on, but come New Years’ Eve instead my
dearest dad took mother and me out to Kangaroo Point where we watched the countdown
and some fireworks in view of the Story Bridge and then two nights ago, uncle Calvin
and aunty Catherine invited us over to their place for dinner! As for last
night, I had to let the parents gleefully force me on too many stupid exercises
for them to get a chance to finish writing these reflections. So here they are
now:
Physically-wise: Yes, well, since the cruel and unfaithful God
so wantonly and totally destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour back
in 2007, I haven’t really been able to do much of anything. You see, as hard as
I try to be independent and not rely on others for anything, the fact remains
that I still require help with even some of the most basic and simple of tasks,
like showering and dressing. Yes, I hate myself for it. >< You know, there’s
a verse somewhere in the Bible that says if God’s for you, then who can be
against you? As for me, I’m just thinking, sure, if God’s for you, who can be
against you, but if God’s against you (like He so obviously is with me
><) well, then you’re royally screwed, aren’t you? ><
Another failure to report this year physically-wise is that
I fell flat on my ass once. I realise that I do seem to harp on about falling
over a lot, but the reason is that if I fall over, I simply don’t have the
capacity to get myself back upright without assistance. ><
Work-wise: Last year was a success story for this heading,
because back in February I had a job for one month and actually got some pay!
True, I was only a telemarketer and goodness knows how everybody hates them and
abuses them like crazy, but it was a job I could do while sitting down (I’ve
always said that I’ll do any job provided I can do it seated, even wash toilets)
and it gets me paid (fair enough, I was only on a supported wage, but pay’s
pay, get it?) so I was quite happy to be able to rejoin normal society and the
work force for one short month! However, after that initial month, my employer
decided I needed more training and thus stopped the job. My disability
employment agency enrolled me into a certificate II in business, which was a
six month course. So I did that course diligently for six months (not being
business-minded, I’d originally thought business to be about numbers, but turns
out that ‘business’ was really just a course on office etiquette!) and stopped
logging into the site in September. However, come October/November, I suddenly
receive an e-mail from the group that ran the business course, saying that I
had not logged in for six weeks, and if I didn’t log back in and continue the
course, they’d cancel my enrolment! Immediately logging back in, I saw that I
still had about four courses left to complete, and quickly did them. However,
the final (I’m presuming) course required me to write a cover letter and send
it to my disability employment advisor for some feedback, which I did. After
one week without response, I tried e-mailing her again. After a second week
went by without response, I actually rang her. Another disability employment advisor
named Kylee answered, telling me that my disability employment adviser called
Fiona was still on holidays, and also because one whole year had passed since
my last JCA (job capacity assessment) I’d haveta go to Centrelink and ask to be
put with them again, coz I’d already been released from their program! *sigh* You’d
think they’d have the decency to tell me that my time with them was drawing to
a close and that I’d best quick-smart rejoin, but no. >< Obviously, finding
paid work hasn’t been easy for me, but I’m definitely gonna keep trying.
Remember, I’m willing to do ANYTHING (even wash toilets) as long as I can do it
sitting down and it gets me some pay.
Sporting-wise: Well, I’d hoped that with Benny returning to
the helm of the Broncos, he’d finally deliver them the premiership they’d
missed for nine whole years and we came so close, too! Ben Hunt, you DOLT, I
can’t believe you dropped that first ball from the restart! >< However,
I’ve been told by others that you aren’t really to blame for the poor Broncos
going down by one point to the Cowboys and hey, in the end, a Queensland team
still won, right? On another point, I’m exceedingly happy that the mighty Maroons
regained the Origin shield, and in such emphatic fashion, too! The final score
for the third match was 56-6; NSW, I hope you’re braced for another eight years
of pain, at least. XD
Spiritually-wise: *sigh* This year will mark nine years since
the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling
brain tumour. I’m losing hope that He’ll ever deign to tell me whatever the
hell it was that I’d done/not done to warrant such a horrible fate. I’m still
praying nightly, but when you don’t have any expectations, you won’t feel
disappointed, right? I know in the Bible somewhere Paul says that he can do all
things with the One who gives him strength; for me, I’ve discovered that it’s
actually how I can do all things WITHOUT the One who only tries to hurt, harm
and hinder me! Whenever I fancy myself a rhyming poet, I tell God that every
single day, in every single way; I will do every single thing totally and
entirelyWITHOUT Him who won’t even bother to lift a pinkie to help me. I know
that’s not the right attitude to take, but come off it, when has God ever
helped me? Where was He been back whenever I was crying out so desperately for
His help?? >< Sometimes I wonder: has God ever heard of the phrase ‘live
and let live’? He lives, so why the heck can’t He let me live the life I should
be living: a free life, an independent life, one that isn’t reliant on
everybody for almost everything?? ><
Politically-wise: Like I said last year, I have next-to-none
knowledge about politics; whenever election time rolls around, I usually vote
for whichever politician has the brains to send me a flyer promoting themselves
first. XD Last year, the first flyer I received was from a lady called
something like Freya Ostopopvich (does anyone know what kinda country has that sorta
surname?) and I was gonna vote for her. However, in the following days, I
received another flyer from a man that seemed very favourable to us Chinese! (Well,
technically, I’m Cantonese, but same diff, right?) I really couldn’t decide who
I should vote for. Upon arrival at the local primary school where the voting
takes place, I saw some lady giving handshakes and randomly joined the queue
for one. “Hello, and you are?” I asked as I shook this lady’s hand.
“I’m Freya.” She replied.
“What?! You mean you’re that Ostapopvich lady??” I was amazed;
she laughed and said that yes, indeed she was. So she definitely got my vote
that day because not only was she the first candidate to send a flyer promoting
themself to my letterbox, she was actually there in person! In other political
news … oh, we got a new prime minister. Dunno what happened to Tony Abbott, but
Malcolm Turnbull’s leading our country now. Mother’s laughing: apparently we’ve
gone through five different prime ministers in five years!
Everything-else wise: well, I’ve already mentioned my epic
failure about how I fell flat on my butt once last year; hopefully it won’t
happen again this year!
One sad thing I wanna mention’s the fact that mother seems
to wanna abandon me. See, whenever anything’s not going her way, she’ll
threaten to bring in dad, who’ll definitely throw me outta the house. I’m not
sure what’s gotten into her, but I sure hope she comes to her senses soon.
However, if she does decide to so cruelly abandon me, please will you be nice
to my dad? He may miss me a little … then again, maybe not: mother’s always
badmouthing me to him when I’m around; I shudder to think how much worse she is
when I’m not present. >< So these past few days, I’ve managed to tell
several people (like my Australian godmother and my Aunty Nga) that if mother does
so callously abandon me, can they please just be nice to my most beloved dad,
coz I do love him so. Sure, mother always jeers at me that I don’t, because dad
says if I loved him, I’d listen to him and do as he says; since I don’t always
follow his instructions, obviously only she loves him. I’m not sure how to
respond to that, except ask her to go back in this blog and find the post I wrote
on my reflections for 2008 and see if she really does keep her promises.
Oh, when Spring arrived this year, mother put me on a diet.
See, I was never slim to begin with, but back when I was stuck in the insane
asylum (more commonly known to everyone as the Brain injuries Rehab Unit of the
Princess Alexandra Hospital XD) I really ballooned out. So once September
arrived (mother was already trying to get me to cut down on food consumption
earlier last year, but I simply didn’t care: when Winter’s here, I just focus
on keeping warm, not slim! XD) I stopped eating toasties (only fruit now) and
having white tea with sugar (just green tea now). Don’t think I’m managed to
lose any weight for mother yet but oh well, will keep trying.
Well, I think I’ve reflected enough about 2015; 2016’s
arrived already!
So, next post here … either about the crummy Christmas Day,
Boxing Day and subsequent days before the New Year that I endured at the hands
of mostly mother, else a movie review; I’ve got two waiting to be written!
One’s for the latest James Bond movie I saw with Ray and Sisi awhile back; the other’s
for the new Star Wars movie I saw with Mr. Hall after Christmas! Anyways, until
then~
Cheers,
Em. ^^
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