2016 Reflections

Lol, I remember on the last night for  2015 my dearest dad took mother and I out somewhere to watch the countdown, meaning I actually wasn’t organised enough to post my reflections for the year until January the 2^nd, 2016. In an attempt to be more organised this time around, I’m actually starting this year’s reflections on December the 31^st! XD

Physically-wise: unfortunately, my encounter with the supposed ‘faith healer’ earlier this year amounted to absolutely nothing; I’m unsure whether that means faith healing’s actually a sham and doesn’t actually exist (except to trick the gullible, like me >< XD) or whether God was just being cruel and unfaithful like I’ve come to expect of him. Either way, that doesn’t change the fact that I will need to continue trying my hardest everyday to improve my mobility. I resume physio come January the 9^th; for now, I’m just gonna pretend the word ‘physio’ simply does not exist. XD

Back in October, I received a letter saying that they were reviewing all the disability service pensions, and could I please ask all my health practioners to write letters for me, certifying that I am, indeed, a disabled bum so they won’t suspend/cut off my pension? My UQ physio writes me this god-awful letter, saying I ambulate at 0.4km/hr. I’m like, “Seriously? You mean if you stuck me onto a treadmill and I walked straight for one hour, I’d only walk 400m? I would’ve thought that I’d crack 1km, surely!” However, mother tells me that walking on a treadmill doesn’t count because the speed has already been preset for you; if I wanted to walk 1km in one hour, I’d haveta go walk outside in the hallway of the UQ physio gym is. My UQ physio measures the hallway and reports that I’d have to plod thirty-three and one-third laps to reach 1km. I decide to give it a crack, and for my final physio session for 2016, really do hike the hallway again, again and again. I’m very proud to report that I reached the 1km distance around the forty-minute mark! After hiking 1km, my physio asks me, “Would you like to call it a day and head back into the gym, or are you willing to continue plodding for the whole hour so I can give you a speed of km/hr?” Seeing that my demented left ankle wasn’t hurting yet, I decided to keep plodding for the full hour. Final result? My physio calculated and reported back that I ambulate at 1.25km/hr. I understand that this speed’s pathetically slow compared to other able-bodies people but hey, it sure beats 0.04km/hr! Thankfully, I think I pulled up pretty well, afterwards, too. Most nights, if mother isn’t too tired, she’ll check my wonky left ankle and give it a rub; after my long hike, she reported that my demented ankle had developed both a bruise and a blister. That meant for several days afterwards, by nightfall, my wonky ankle would ache a fair bit, but luckily, I think that’s all better now.

Same as last year, idiot me managed to flat on my useless arse once. However, at UQ physio this year, I’ve been practising how to get myself back upright again should I fall, so hopefully if I’m stupid enough to lose my balance and hit the floor next year (but fingers, toes and all other appendages crossed that I won’t) I’ll be able to get myself upright again before mother notices and chucks a cow at me that obviously I fell because I hadn’t put enough weight to my left side!

Work-wise: unfortunately, I never heard back from the disability employment agency that found a paid job for me for one month last year, meaning the only paid work I have been doing is some freelance editing for a church friend. However, he only very recently experienced the birth of his first child, so understandably I can’t be expecting anymore paid work from him this year! I was hopeful that Centrelink would put me with another disability service provider who could help me find some steady paid work, but for some reason, mother has flatly prevented that from happening? I think it’s because she’s not a confident driver in any sense of the word, and dreads having to drive me anywhere, seeing that I’m no longer able to drive. Still, I’m hoping that I will somehow be able to access paid work this year; I still vividly recall the immense shame I felt when I once had to ask mother for money just so I could go and buy her and dearest dad wedding anniversary presents!

Sporting-wise: I suppose the biggest sporting this year was the Rio Olympics. From memory, Australia didn’t perform too well and actually finished outside the top ten, but I had great pleasure watching all the equestrian events that mother kindly taped for me. (I’ve always loved horses, ever since a little Grade Two me wandered into the school library and picked up a boom of Anna Sewell’s ‘Black Beauty’.) ‘Twas also awesome to watch the mighty Maroons hold onto the Origin shield; like I said last year, NSW, I hope you guys are braced for at least another eight years of pain. XD Still on the topic of rugby league, unfortunately the poor Broncos didn’t manage to secure the premiership this year. I’d really been hoping they would, because (1) it’s been one whole decade since we last lifted that premiership trophy and (2) I’d been hoping we could send Justin Hodges off in style, like we did with Shane Webcke when he retired back in 2006! I’ve got two physio friends who both reckon Benny’s too old to help the Broncos regain the premiership trophy; how I’d love to contact them both after the Broncos win the grand final game next year and tell them, “Oh, you of little faith…”! XD

Spiritually-wise: back in the physically-wise section, I’d already mentioned my run-in with that so-called ‘faith healer’. What I didn’t mention was that this woman actually left me with a new outlook on life: see, while her friend and she were telling me about how good life in heaven would be after our earthly life here was up, I rather bitterly responded, “Great, I will have all of ETERNITY to regret the one life here on Earth that God is so cruelly wasting now!” However, this lady reassured me, “Oh no, it won’t be like that at all. When you get to heaven, you’ll regard your Earthly life with as much regard as you would a hang nail right now.” Well, with that in mind, perhaps I need not anguish so desperately over how I feel my life is being wasted right now?

Another point of note was during our English ministry church camp back around October. I missed most of the speaker’s final talk because I was having a D&M with his wife. When I explained the fact that I simply couldn’t reconcile the fact of how God ‘claims’ to be in the Bible (faithful, caring, loving, providing for all my needs, etc.) with how he’s treated me (my disabling brain injury back in 2007), Keiying encouraged me to pray to God and ask him to ‘bridge the gap’. I’ve being doing that nightly ever since, begging God to please show me that He’s all He says He is. I’ve asked Him would He please just hit me with a revelation so that I will just suddenly understand that He really is all that He professes to be? Then I ask Him, but if you won’t, then please do it slowly, do it incrementally, but don’t not do it! To date, I’ve had absolutely no reply but like I say, if you don’t expect anything in the first place, you can’t be disappointed, right? *sigh* It’s why nightly I rage against God that Jesus is the only way to heaven and eternal life because trust me, if there were ANY OTHER WAY to make it up there and get in there, I’d take it in a second. In a jiffy. In an instant. No looking back. No second thoughts. Just “Bye, God. I’m leaving you for Someone who actually can provide me with a hope, a life and a future, which is what you’ve so cruelly denied me.” Because in society these days, we’re taught you don’t have to accept things you don’t like. Don’t like your job? Find a new career! Dislike your university studies? Switch degrees! Oh, how I wish it could be the same with religion; how I wish I could find Someone else to worship and follow yet still get eternal life in heaven after this Earthly life’s finished and be reunited with my most beloved grandmother. Guess it’s something I’ll have to keep working on next year.

Politically-wise: like I probably say every year, I’ll confess to having next-to-none political knowledge whatsoever; every time an election comes up, I vote for the politician smart enough to send me a flyer promoting themselves first, because I reckon that shows initiative. XD Well, I guess the biggest news politically is that Donald Trump will become the next US president soon; not having followed the whole election process, I’m not really sure why everyone seems to think that him becoming the most powerful man in the world next year will somehow result in the end of the world but I suppose time will tell, yeah?

Everything-else wise: well, I can’t really think of anything else to mention. True, mother is constantly bitching at me, but hey, by now I’m used to it. That’s just a fact of life. XD

Oh, there was also that attempt by me to resume tertiary studies. I’d been hoping to study some creative writing course, but was first required to pass some prerequisite course about referencing properly and not plagiarising. Unfortunately, I flunked the first assessment piece and was required to complete another prerequisite course before I could continue my current perquisite course in order to FINALLY reach the course I’d originally intended to study! Like I covered in my Xmas greetings to everyone earlier this month, mother has been unfortunately very negative about this whole process and condemning me to abysmal failure. I understand that, but I can at least hold my head up high and try my best!

Well, I guess that sums up the year. 2017’s arriving in just over twenty minutes, so I’d like to wish everyone a safe and prosperous 2017 ahead and I look forward to seeing you all soon!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

P.S. Apologies if you come across any mistakes while reading this; it’s like 11:50pm now and I don’t have time to recheck it, not if I want to spend the countdown with my dearest dad! (Mother’s already hit the sack upstairs, with “See you next year.” XD

Christmas and Boxing Day 2016

Suddenly, it hits me that tomorrow’s the last day of 2016 and I realise I’ll haveta be penning (well, typing XD) my reflections for the year that was when I remembered I haven’t even shared about how I spent the two public holidays just this week!

Well, what can I say? That was arguably the worst Christmas and Boxing Day I’ve had to live through since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour back in 2007. *sigh*

Let’s start with Christmas. Obviously, I attended church on Christmas Day. Actually, even people who aren’t Christians go to church on Christmas Day; I wonder why?

The day started well; after bidding my teddy sweet dreams the night before, I fell asleep and didn’t wake until 6:25am.

When mother came into my room to get me up, she immediately started bitching sth crazy @ me and threatening that she wouldn’t take me to attend English service at 11am. Whatever. *sigh*

Anyways, after getting myself kitted and brushing teeth, I head outside to the dining room for breakfast. Surprise, there’s a mug of white tea waiting for me! Taking a sip, I immediately notice that mother hasn’t put any sugar into it, and get the sugar jar to add two teaspoonfuls myself. Suddenly, mother swoops over, seizes my cuppa and pours it all down the sink! “Woah!” I look up, surprised. “What’s with you?” I prefer my tea with two teaspoonfuls of sugar; for mother, who considers one bowl of plain rice too sweet and one slice of plain bread too salty, obviously takes her tea without sugar. XD Not sure why she’s imposing her tea preferences with me, but hey, no biggie. After she makes me another mug (again, obviously without any sugar) and leaves for the Cantonese Christmas service that starts at 9am, I re-fetch the sugar jar and re-add my two teaspoonfuls of sugar in. Ah, now that’s how tea should taste~

Over breakfast, I watch some Christmas cartoon. Once I’ve finished, I pop online for awhile until mother returns from church to pick me up. Funnily enough, she won’t lemme turn the radio on while’s she’s driving. I mean, I respect her wishes and leave the music off while she’s driving to church (she says she ‘wants to prepare her heart to worship God’, whatever that means) but seeing as she’s already attended service and come back, why can’t I turn the music on, because shouldn’t she have already finished ‘preparing her heart to worship God’ yet? Respecting her wishes, I leave the music off and instead start singing five secular Christmas carols (because obviously we’ll only be singing Christian ones at church), only for mother to snap at me to shut up! Dunno what’s gotten into her this morning but fine, whatever. Instead, for the short drive to church, I just sing those five Christmas carols inside my head and mouth them.

Dad’s waiting to escort me into church when we arrive; Christmas Day has unfortunately dawned cloudy and drizzly.

When I exit the car, who should I find waiting for me but Samuel Enderby, with a minion gift-wrapped present waiting for me! Obviously, anyone who knows me even mildly should know that I am totally besotted with these plump, yellow, jellybean-shaped creatures; I am profuse in my thanks~

Huge thanks to dearest dad who waits for me while I’m using the bathroom and sees me safely to my seat before leaving. Shows he’s much more caring than mother, who just dumps my bag in my usual spot on the most left, then races away to join the other aunties who can’t be bothered attending Bible study like my dearest dad does for their very informal ‘fellowship’. Not exactly sure why she calls it that; I’m pretty certain they don’t sing hymns/pray/read the Bible/anything like any normal fellowship does. Nope, I’m pretty certain they just drink coffee together and gossip. XD

Once I’m seated, I grab out my folder, notebook and pen and start writing. See, I’ve realised that if I don’t keep a written record of who’s preaching, sermon points, etc. that I’ll likely  forget everything that’s been said that day. Random people wander pass; we all exchange Christmas greetings.

When service does start, I’m very relieved that I get to remain seated during worship.

Speaker for the day’s Pastor Chris; his sermon topic was ‘The Gospel of Santa’. There’s communion after the sermon, and before service is closed, Pastor Chris extends an open invitation for everyone to come to his place for Christmas lunch. I’m excited and hopeful, because this lunch was originally hosted for the ‘orphans’ (people who’s parents have returned to Hong Kong and left them by their lonesome) and horrid mother had earlier already jeered at me that I wasn’t welcome to attend because both she and dad were both in Brisbane with me. Now, perhaps my Christmas is looking up!

You can understand how pissed I was when awful mother wouldn’t lemme attend, instead driving me home for a bland, boring lunch of last night’s dinner leftovers with dad. *sigh* She’s always looking for opportunities to deny me social interaction, that woman … ><

After lunch, dearest dad goes out to play baddy with his mates, mother hits the sack upstairs and after crashing on the sofa for 1.5 hours (dad for some reason wouldn’t lemme online yet, saying I was to watch television till 2:45pm) to watch random You Tube videos, I plop online.

Awhile later, when mother tumbles downstairs from pigland, she immediately and gleefully forces me offline. First, I have to let her gleefully force mostly my poor demented left hand fold the day’s clothes. That’s fine; I’m seated and can fully concentrate. Next, I have to let her gleefully force my demented left hand feed me one yummy banana. Again, that’s fine because I’m still seated and can fully concentrate.

Unfortunately, dad chooses that time to return home from playing badminton; he immediately orders that I let him gleefully FORCE L me to plod 400 steps on the bloody cross trainer for him. Usually it’s 800; dad was considering himself such a saint because he was giving me a fifty percent discount but I was like, “WTF, today’s a freaking PUBLIC HOLIDAY; why the heck are you still demanding I use this stupid machine for you??”

Afterwards, I take a shower – obviously, I wash and rinse my own hair today. It takes longer for me than the average able person: (1) I’ve only got my right hand to wash my hair with and (2) I can’t fully close my right eye, meaning whenever I wash my hair I’ve gotta duck my head under the water while using my right hand to hold my stupid right eye tightly shut. I also dry and rekit myself; mother seriously just sits there and smugly watches me struggle. Luckily, although I’m slow, I manage. Oh, mother has recently found a new way to make my life for me even more difficult than it already is: she demands my left fist take my right foot’s sock; after my right hand removes the sock, I’m not allowed to shake the sock off and grab it again; I’ve gotta put it straight onto my foot. Not sure what kinda satisfaction she gets outta being able to exert even more power over me than she already has, but like I’ve already said twice this post, it’s no biggie, coz I’m seated and can fully concentrate. Oh, but mother does help me put my AFO back on.

Dinner, although lonely (just the parents and I), was novel: we had a BBQ! See, when my Aunty Sally (who normally lives in Canada) came to Brisbane for a short visit (slightly less than one week), she brought us a present from my cousin Ching Ying: I think it’s called an air fryer! However, I’m a rice bucket (say ‘farn tong’ in Canto) and need rice for dinner, so thanks to mother who microwaved me literally one mouthful of rice to have dinner with.

Dinner was washed down with one mug of coconut water. I decided that coconut water with pineapple flavour tastes alright, but plain coconut water by itself tastes pretty feral. XD

Returning online after dinner, I use the bathroom myself once @ 9pm. Unfortunately, mother chooses that exact time to order me over to the kitchen, and I haveta let her gleefully force mostly my poor demented left hand wash the day’s dishes; argh, I HATES standing practice! >< Just because standing’s like second nature to her, not sure why she can’t understand how bloody difficult I find standing! Why does she so conveniently forget that after the cruel and unfaithful God had so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour, the doctor had told her, “Sorry, your daughter will never be able to stand or walk again. At the very most, she will transfer from the car to her wheelchair, then the wheelchair back to the car.”?? *sigh*

So ‘twas a miserable end to Christmas Day for me, but I hit the sack with the hope that Boxing Day would be much better.

Well, the day started good, with another awesome sleep for me. Have I said before? Almost my favourite thing about Summer’s how early the sun rises! I have a big analogue clock mounted on the wall in my room and while during the middle of Winter, you’ll be hard-pressed to figure out the time before 6am, but during Summer the sun’s shining brightly well before 6am!

Anyways, I slept straight through till 5:25am before waking. Falling back asleep, I’m awakened by dearest dad several hours later when he comes into my room to kiss me goodbye before going somewhere to do some painting. He promises to come back to take mother and I to the Boxing Day sales, so yay for that~

After he’s left, my teddies and I snore, me waking again later when mother starts a-THUMPING around upstairs. Soon, she’s downstairs and I’m told to get up. That morning, mother requires me to do shoelace tying practice for her. I’m fine with that, because I’m seated and can fully concentrate; besides, I know what a kick she gets outta from being able to boss me around and tell me what I’m doing wrong, etc. I mean, it’s not like I dunno how to tie shoelaces at the tender age of almost thirty; I know what needs to be done but unfortunately my demented left hand just doesn’t get the message to move! *sigh*

When mother first came downstairs into my room, I’d immediately asked her could I please open my Christmas presents from Santa first. She says get up, get dressed first. Fine, once that’s done, I ask her may I please open them now? She says no, brush teeth first. Fine. Teeth brushed. I head outside and am more than ready to get into present opening but mother says no, eat breakfast first! Argh!!

Breakfast was about one bowl of plain porridge with one slice of unbuttered toast torn into it. True, I had to let horrid mother gleefully force my poor demented left hand hold onto the slice of toast before she ordered my right hand to tear it into chunks but that was okay coz I was sitting and could fully concentrate; besides, my right hand kept her promise to my left hand by later combining with the spoon to tear the pieces into bite-sized, more manageable chunks. Oh, I also drink one full mug of water to wash down all my usual drugs :P and also drink one full mug of milk. Earlier this year, mother would pour me half a mouthful of milk to wash breakfast down with, but this year she’s decided that’s just one more way she can gleefully make my life harder for me and says if I want milk, I’ve gotta pour it myself. Fine, but in that case, I’m pouring myself one whole mug of milk and not just half a mouthful; in fact, my only regret’s that this year, mother has converted dearest dad to drinking light milk also and that I can no longer pilfer cups of his full cream milk! XD

After breakfast, I FINALLY get to open my presents! Alas that awful mother deviously thinks of a way to make even this highly pleasurable task difficult for me; she gets me this low stool to sit on. *sigh* Nowadays, I prefer seats with backrests and seeing that the stool was so close to the ground, I’d require help getting back upright again. The only bright side to sitting on that stool was that I decided were I to lose balance and tip off the chair, I’d already be close enough to the ground that I wouldn’t consider that a fall, merely a sit down.

Traditionally, I open one present carefully, peeling away the sticky tape so as not to rip the paper just to show that I am, indeed, a civilised human being, but then the rest (there’s not usually too many, despite the detailed list I compose to Santa at the beginning of every December! ) I just rip into with gleeful abandon. XD

I think the present I was happiest to receive was the one I got from Leanne, a hardcover copy of an illustrated version of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets!

Dad arrives home sometime while I’m opening my presents; once they’re all opened and squeed over, I use the loo once, we all pile into the Camry and dad tootles us to the Boxing Day Sales!

He’s chosen the Hyperdome for our shopping trip. We park somewhere near food court, but only after getting out do I get mightily pissed: the parents won’t lemme use Sparkless 2 (my manual wheelchair) to go shopping with! I’m mightily pissed because (1) I’ve explained before that when I’m standing I honestly can’t concentrate on anything other than staying upright and not falling over and (2) the wheelchair’s JUST SITTING IN THE BLOODY BOOT!! >< *sigh*

Anyways, once inside, both mother and I visit the bathroom once, while dad heads over to food court first to see if he can grab us an empty table. Sure enough, he finds us one; the parents them both leave me seated at the table to secure us food. When they return, I’m mightily disappointed: I’d been hoping for some Red Rooster, but dad comes back with a footlong beef sub and mother comes back with three sushi rolls. The parents share dad’s Pepsi, while I just drink water coz I got dropped on my head as a baby and don’t like soft drinks. XD

After lunch, mother heads over to Myer by herself while my dearest dad takes me to Mr. Toys Toyworld, the ‘country’ where my beloved Bear Bear came from! XD Before she goes, mother reminds me that I’ve still got a little red pocket money left, and maybe I’d like to go shopping?

At Mr. Toys Toyworld, dad and I find the teddies, but I’m very disappointed to discover that there are only small teddies for sale there; there’s hardly a medium-sized teddy my Bear Bear’s height (40cm)! Before we leave, though, I spot a board game on sale – The Game Of Life – MINION version! I immediately decide that’s what I wanna buy with my remaining red pocket money, and dad and I hike all the way back to Myer to find mother, who’s also visited other clothes stores and bought some items of clothing along the way.

Mother goes back with me to Mr. Toys Toyworld to buy the board game; afterwards, we sit outside at food court with dearest dad and share a donut and cappuccino.

And that’s the shopping over with for the day! Dad tootles us home; I use the loo once then pop online, while mother hits the sack upstairs.

She comes back downstairs about 1.5 hours later and orders that I go shower. Actually, for this shower, mother helps me slightly more than usual, coz when I start getting myself rekitted dad calls out to us, “Hey, are you guys done yet? It’s time to go!”

Lol, the parents often joke that we’ve arrived @ the Cheung’s place before the car even heats up, because seriously, they’re only three streets away! XD

Inside the Cheung residence; I crash on their recliner chair; thanks to Uncle Colbert who pops up the footrest for me.

While dinner’s being finalised, Uncle Colbert shows mother, Aunty A and I photos from their recent New Zealand trip. I ask Uncle Colbert how come he didn’t bring me back a pet sheep, and Uncle Colbert replies, “All the ones I saw were already cutlets!” XD

For dinner that night, I have rice, carrot, BBQ pork and teriyaki chicken! Aunty Winnie’s an awesome cook~

After dinner, dad’s made red bean dessert soup and Aunty Winnie’s made creamy birthday bikkies for everyone!

We even get Christmas presents! After PIG mum gushes over her new handbag, I ask Aunty Winnie, “Um, may I please rip mine? It looks like it’d take ages if I delicately opened it.” Aunty Winnie laughs. “Go ahead.” XD I got this really adorable teacup set!

And thus ended Boxing Day! In retrospect, it wasn’t probably as bad as I’d lamented it to be, even though there were several moments of considerable frustration…

Next post here… well, it’s gotta be my Reflections For 2016, coz tomorrow’s the last day of the year! I’ll try my hardest to get it written and published before 2017 arrives, but it may not get published until a day or two afterwards, if dearest dad decides to take mother and I out somewhere to watch the countdown; last year, we had a grand view of the Story Bridge! Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

XMas Greetings 2016

Heylo, everybody! Well, the end of 2016 is fast approaching and here’s another instalment of my Xmas Greetings to you all. XD Hope 2016 has been an eventful, fruitful and productive year for you!

I’ll sheepishly confess: I actually began the year feeling like the most pathetic human on the planet, because smack bang in the middle of summer, I went and caught myself a freaking COLD. >< When mother takes me to see the doctor, I apologise profusely to him, saying, “I’m so sorry doctor; I’m probably the most pathetic human being you’ve ever seen, because it’s the middle of bloody Summer right now but here I’ve gone and caught myself a freaking cold!” The doctor laughs and reassures me that it’s actually quite common; people often catch colds in summer when they move frequently between places of differing temperature, like an air conditioned room then a hot stuffy one. For some reason, that cold also left me without any appetite whatsoever; I asked the doctor was it okay if I skipped some meals and he replied that it was fine if I didn’t eat until I felt hungry again and told mother just to keep me well hydrated with some lime juice squeezed into cups of water.

Anyways, it wasn’t anything that a can or two of Campbell’s Cream of Chicken soup (apparently, that’s the Aussie cure for a cold? I always say well, if that doesn’t work, look on the bright side: at least it tasted great! XD) and two days of solid bed rest couldn’t fix; very soon, I was back into the grand scheme of things.

Partway through the year, a former high school classmate who I’m now Facebook friends with introduced me to one of his mates, who was ‘big on baptisms, faith healings and that kinda stuff’. To cut a very long story short, I met one of these supposed ‘faith healers’ and got prayed over. Unfortunately, nothing ever came out of it, but this lady did leave me with a new perspective on life. See, when she and her friend shared with me how good life in heaven will be after your Earthly life here has finished, I rather bitterly told her, “Great, I will have all ETERNITY to regret this one life I have here on Earth that God is so cruelly wasting now!” However, this woman told me, “Oh no, don’t worry. Once you’re in heaven, you’ll view your Earthly life with as much regard as you do now a hang nail.” Well, putting it that way, maybe I really needn’t worry too much about my life here on Earth and how the cruel and unfaithful God is wasting it now?

Several years back, around 2012, I helped tutor English to a church aunty’s nephew. Her sister came over from Hong Kong to visit us, and we shared lunch together one afternoon. Over the meal, she asked me had I ever considered resuming tertiary studies again. Back in 2008, when I’d first been released from the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Ward of the Princess Alexandra Ward XD), I’d told mother that I wanted to return to uni. She’d taken me to see the disabilities officer at UQ, who said that if I wanted to study at university-level again, I’d haveta take some kinda neuro-psych test. Well, I tried but obviously failed, seeing that I did not get to resume tertiary studies. I told Aunty Isabella that story and she was like, “Well, that was back in 2008. It’s 2016 and maybe you’re better now; why not try again?” This time, I went through distance ed., with Curtin University. Unfortunately, my mother has been very negative about the whole experience, constantly telling me that it’s just too hard for me and that I will most definitely fail. Perhaps so, but at the very least, no matter what she says, I know I can hold my head high and know that I have tried my best!

Something momentous for me this year was that I started dreaming again! Yes, back when I was still imprisoned in the insane asylum, the cruel and unfaithful God would plague me nightly with multiple terrifying nightmares; after I was finally released and finally caught up on all my lost sleep (everyday I’d sleep till like 11am or 11:30 but still take a three/four hour afternoon nap and after dinner hit the sack by 9pm, tops) I just totally stopped dreaming. Like, bid my teddy sweet dreams, fall asleep and suddenly a new day has dawned. Then suddenly, this year I start dreaming again! My first dream is of me having yum cha with my dearest dad; when I woke up, I complained to my tummy why couldn’t she have chosen sth yummier coz goodness knows I can’t stand yum cha! XD The next night, I dream that I’m heading into the Cheesecake Shop to buy sth for mother! When I tell her about my dream, she laughs and scoffs at me, “You’re such a greedy guts.” So when I have a third dream, about mother and I walking hand-in-hand to the Sunnybank Hills library with no food in sight, I immediately tell her that she can’t call me a greedy guts anymore, coz there was absolutely not a hint of food in that dream! However, shortly afterwards, I have another dream: this time, mother and I are walking along some mountain trail; we’re going to have a picnic together! A friend who I’ve made at Toastmasters has concluded that thus far, all my attempts to gain food have been thwarted, but she encourages me, “Dare to keep dreaming, Em.  I’m positive you will reach the food one day.” Well, to date, I’ve had one more dream; in this one, I’m filling out some Christmas survey, so no food in this one either, but I am just so stoked that I now have nice normal dreams (i.e. no more nightmares) and I look forward to having more dreams come 2017 and finally reaching the food at long last! XD

One definite highlight of my year was visiting the Ekka one night for just under two hours! Obviously, I haven’t been able to go ever since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour back in 2007, and I realised this year would be my last chance to go before I reached the ripe old age of thirty! So I started asking around, was anybody free to please take me, and sure enough, I got to go!

I had two main goals to accomplish while I was at the Ekka: (1) Eat a Dagwood dog and (2) try a strawberry sundae, coz I’ve heard that they are both must haves. The Dagwood dog was an absolute delightful pleasure; if you’d let me, I could eat them all day! The strawberry sundae, however … the woman selling them was seated quite high up, and since I was seated in my manual wheelchair, she passed it down to the aunty who had taken me to the Ekka. Said aunty turned around to hand me the strawberry sundae, and plop! The strawberry falls off and hits the dirt! “Oh no!” I gasp. “Quick; three second rule!” The aunty that took me to the Ekka frowns. “No, it’s fallen into the dirt; you can’t eat that now. Just eat the rest of the ice cream.” I wail, despondent, “But I can’t have a strawberry sundae without the strawberry!” Luckily, the seller hears my distraught wail, immediately leans over and says, “Oh, did your strawberry fall off? Here, have another one.” I am profuse in my thankyous; when the seller sticks a fresh strawberry back into my sundae, you can bet I jammed it straight into my mouth; there was no way I’d be letting that slippery little sucker escape again! XD

Anyways, the end of 2016 is nigh; I’d just like to take the opportunity to wish each and everyone of you a very Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year. May 2017 be a productive year for you all; I wish you the very best in all your upcoming endeavours and whatever the New Year may bring! I look forward to staying in touch with everyone come 2017~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

P.S. Apologies that this greeting comes one day late; originally I’d meant to post it up for everyone on the 11^th, meaning everyone would have two weeks to reply before Christmas arrived, but last night my parents and I had to take my Aunty Sally to the airport coz she was heading back to Hong Kong; by the time we arrived home, ‘twas nearly 11pm and obviously there was no way the parents would allow me to stay up and finish it! XD

XMas Wishlist 2016

Heylo, Santa! Haven’t spoken to you for nearly one whole year; hope you still remember who I am, coz I’ve come up with lotsa presents I’m hoping you’ll bring me this year for Christmas!

(1)  BOOKS! Yes, undoubtedly the first item I’ll ask for on the two wishlists I make every year, birthday and Christmas. Never mind that the cruel and unfaithful God has left me that bloody slow at reading I can only scrape through about one book a month (as opposed to the twenty-four I’d get through before I suffered my brain injury, but I digress); I still love reading and am always on the lookout for a new book to try! One book in particular that I wanna read is the newest Harry Potter one; J.K. Rowling wrote it about Harry Potter’s son! Other than that, I’m a huge fan of fantasy novels, science fiction novels and historical fiction novels but hey, I’m willing to give anything bar Mills and Boon a try. XD Actually, back in primary school, I was madly obsessed with horse stories … will somebody please get me Walter Farley’s The Black Stallion series? I’ve never really outgrown my love for horses, either! Oh, I’ve also written down a book entitled “If I Only Had A Brain” by Mark Sherry; I’m presuming it’s somehow related to the brain injury I suffered back in 2007? Anyhow, it sounds interesting; someone please get me that too, please!

(2)  E-reader: I know some people need to feel the paper pages of a book and can’t read with an e-reader, but I’ve tried using one (I had a carer who brought along hers one afternoon and lemme try using it) and I’m fine with them! I’ve no idea roughly how much e-readers cost, but if they’re expensive, maybe several people could band together and buy me one, please? I’ve heard there are ones so high tech that they’re actually waterproof, but while I’m in the bathroom I’m showering and therefore don’t have the time to read. Just your average one will do me fine, thanks. XD

(3)  Smartphone: I’ve been using my current Huawei one since 2012, I think, back in the days of small group: Team April and Ray! Both parents have since upgraded their phone and I think that I’d like a new one too, please! One modern enough to play Pokemon Go; my current one is too antiquated to download the game. XD

(4)  Minions: yes, things haven’t changed the slightest from last year; I am still unashamedly totally besotted with those small, yellow, jellybean-shaped creatures. Get me minion anything, apparel, please! Wait, Google defines apparel as clothes; I meant minion ANYTHING, please!

(5)  Teddy bear: all my teddies are names and yes, all are loved. No, I’ll never get enough of them. XD

(6)  Pet: I’ve almost given up hope of ever being trusted with a live pet again, after I admitted to the involuntarily manslaughter of poor Silver and Bronze back in the Winter of 2008. Look, I honestly didn’t know that goldfish were so wimpy they’d need a heater in their tank come Winter to regulate their body temperature! Luke, you did tell me about pet rocks some years back, but you never brought me one, like you said you were going to!

(7)  Cereal: life gets boring when you just have plain Weet-bix day in, day out, you know. In the past, I’ve tried asking for a box of Frosties and a box of that fun pack cereal (you know little single serves of Fruit Loops, Coco Pops, etc.) but this year I’m asking for a box of NESQUIK cereal! Yes, I’m aware that Nesquik’s chocolate milk powder, but this year, they’ve put out a cereal too, and I wanna try it! Other than that, how about somebody get me one box of Milo Duo cereal? Milo cereal’s yummy; I’m not sure how does Milo Duo cereal differ from normal Milo cereal but yes, I wanna try it, please!

(8)  Colouring-in pencils: about one month ago, someone bought me a minion colouring-in book! Now, I’ve never really been the artistic type; I’ve only coloured two of the minion pictures so far, and that’s using the colouring-in pencils my carer brought with her! I will sheepishly confess that I lack any colouring-in skills whatsoever: if you check out the two I’ve coloured in so far, you’ll probably notice that the lines aren’t very neat and that I’ve prolly coloured outside the lines in other places! XD But practice makes perfect, so somebody please get me some colouring-in pencils! Big thick ones if possible; I find the pencil-thin ones harder to grasp, coz while my demented left hand’s basically useless, my functioning right hand has lost much of her dexterity …
(9) A gingerbread man! Pastor Grace recommended me this daily devotion called She Reads Truth; recently, one night it was talking about gingerbread men and I was like, "Hey, I honestly can't remember the last time (if ever?) I had one; please bring one for me, Santa! I'm not even sure where you buy gingerbread men from, Woolies?? XD

Lol, I’m really not overly materialistic, I don’t think; I’ve already run outta things to ask Santa for this Christmas! Oh well, I reserve the right to add to this list should anything else grab my attention. As for now, Santa, please send all your Christmas elves (ie. All my Facebook friends that read this post XD) to start buying me Christmas presents!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

P.S. Next post here … prolly my Xmas Greetings to everyone. It’s due out on December the 11^th. Anyways, until then~

Birthday Celebrations 2016

Hmm … I may be starting a trend here: this is the second consecutive year I haven’t posted about how I celebrated my birthday until I’m almost half a year older! (I’ll be 29.5 come September the 20^th/tomorrow) Oh well, you may call me unorganised. XD

Not being a Jehovah’s Witness, I like to celebrate my birthday, and what better way is there to celebrate your birthday than to meet up with your friends to celebrate over a meal out?

I’d contacted one primary school friend and was in the midst of contacting another, when mother suddenly appeared. “What are you doing?” she asked me, reading over my shoulder.

“Contacting Cass and seeing if she’s free to celebrate my birthday with me over a meal together.”

“Well, you didn’t ask me first, so no you can’t.”

What the heck?! Argh, it’s just my awful mother trying her hardest to deny me any social interaction with anyone. >< At least I’d already contacted Anna … hopefully Mrs. Dent (my Australian godmother) would contact me, as would Mr. Hall, once the term break arrived (my birthday falls around exam time for Term One and he’s usually too busy then, but in past years he took the parents and I for a belated celebration once the holidays arrived). I immediately asked her could I please at least contact Kylie, Mel and Bentley from high school (all together) but she was horrid and refused. *sigh*

Actually, my birthday this year fell on a Sunday … does anyone know if the leap year forces your birthday to skip a day? Because I’m certain my birthday last year happened on a Friday (I got out of UQ physio last year coz my dearest dad had taken mother and I up for a short holiday somewhere! Coolum, maybe?) and your birthday usually happens one day later the next year … aww, I was hoping that my birthday would fall on a Saturday this year so that I could get Besta (my Saturday morning carer that gets me out of bed when mother’s gone to work for half a day) to take me to Garbo so I could get all the free things that you were entitled to receive once you proved that the day was your birthday with photo ID! I learnt that from Pastor Chris, who’d gone to get all the free stuff one Thursday arvo when I met him, Pastor Grace and baby Naomi (not that she’s a baby anymore; she hit her terrible twos back in March!) for lunch one Thursday at Garbo (this was before horrid mother cancelled my Garbo shopping trips. *sigh*)

Anyways, Pastor Grace and baby Naomi arrived first, saying that Pastor Chris had gone to get all his free stuff for his birthday. When he finally joined us, I asked him and learnt that you can get free noodles from Hakataya on your birthday, a free juice from Boost juice and a free ice cream from New Zealand ice cream, once you provide photo ID confirming that that day was really your birthday!

Seeing that my birthday last year was on a Friday, I’d thought, “Perfect. That means next year, my birthday will be on a Saturday, and since Besta comes over every Saturday and minds me for three hours, hopefully she can take me to Garbo and I can get all my free stuff!”

Uh, not quite. For some reason, when I checked the calendar, I found out that this year, my birthday fell on a Sunday! Saturday got skipped … Does anyone know why? I’m guessing that it’s got something to do with the fact that 2016’s a leap year?

Anyways, after service on my birthday, Letty came over and asked did I have any plans to celebrate for the rest of the day. I told her I was hoping to find someone who’d take me to Garbo so I could get all my free stuff and she was like, “Sure! Lemme go get my parents and we’ll all go together!”

I think it’s quite adorable how Letty drives both her parents around~ ^^ After mother handed my parking permit over, Aunty Jessica ands I piled into the backseat, Uncle Leung jumps into the passenger seat, and Letty tootles us off to Garbo!

Our first stop’s Hakataya for lunch, coz by then, it’s like already past 12:30pm. Lol, apparently the only valid photo ID I’ve got left’s my passport; my uni ID and my driver’s licence expired years ago! After showing the photo proof to the female manning the counter, she pointed at their menu board. “What would you like?” she asked me.

I was at first confused, coz mother had told me you’d only get the most basic noodles with two paper-thin strips of meat, but it turns out she was incorrect, because you can choose ANYTHING on the menu for free on your birthday! That being the case, I chose the noodles with the extra slice of meat. The Leungs all chose spicy ones, I think.

While we were waiting for our lunch to arrive, Letty told me, “Let’s go get your free Boost Juice now.” So she walked behind me to the Boost Juice Bar, located somewhere near the food court. After showing my passport and asking for a free green tea mango mantra, I discovered that I couldn’t get a free Boost Juice coz I wasn’t a member?? Well, could I become a member immediately and get the free juice right away? Again, no, coz apparently you’ve gotta confirm your membership online or sth picky like that.

I was disappointed and ready to turn back and return to Hakataya, but awesome Letty suddenly buys me one anyway!! :D

Back at Hakataya, we tuck into our lunch once our noodles arrive. I feel loved because the guy passing me my bowl of noodles adds, “Happy birthday!” We add sesame seeds to our noodles and best of all, today the free extra serve of noodles are available! Obviously, my tummy’s very happy with me~ XD

After lunch (I eat at my usual snail’s pace; Letty says there’s no rush and indeed, Uncle Leung and Aunty Jessica go for a wander in Garbo after they’ve finished eating while Letty keeps me company), our next stop is the long walk all the way down to new Zealand Ice Cream to get my free cone! Alas, again it turns out that the birthday promotion exists no longer, but again, awesome Letty buys me a free single cone! She gets herself one too, while Uncle Leung and Aunty Jessica get coffee/the like from the Coffee Hut and we sit down and chat for awhile.

All finished, we return to the Leung family car and Letty drops me back off home. I sincerely thank them all for helping me enjoy my special day!

While I’m sitting over the loo, mother comes inside and says, “Let’s go buy your birthday cake.”

Sure thing! Before we went, however, I needed mother’s help in readjusting my AFO. See, while that boot I wear over my left calf and ankle allows me to walk short distances, with every step I take, my idiot ankle still twists out, but it’s just because before it can twist out all the way, it bashes against the side of the boot, which holds it in place. I’m presuming you can understand why, that with some prolonged walking, my stupid ankle inverting and crashing into the side of the boot with every step, why my idiot ankle might start to hurt? Still, it wasn’t anything major; mother just takes the AFO off, I gingerly move my ankle up and down several times to loosen it, then mother puts the AFO back on. There, all fixed; now for the cake!

I’d asked mother could we please go to The Cheesecake Shop (there’s one @ Pinelands Plaza, basically beside where Vincent the physio’s clinic used to be) coz one of my favourite cakes are cheesecakes; for some reason, mother refused and tootled me off instead to Sunnybank Plaza.

First up, I checked Sunni Bakery. There were the standard Asian sponge cakes with fruit and cream and tiramisu cakes, but no cheesecakes! Instead, I hike all the way up Sunnybank Plaza to Bread Top, where I find this delicious cheesecake! Actually, first I found this adorable cake shaped into a puppy dog, but then I decided it was simply too adorable to eat. XD

Cake bought, and me all set for my birthday, we head home. I take a shower then plop online.

I was born @ 6:22pm; this year, when 6:22pm rolls around, my dearest dad’s on the phone, but I still walk myself slowly and safely to the kitchen, where mother’s there also, and celebrate the fact with them that I’m now twenty-nine!

I would’ve thought that since it was my birthday, I’d get to choose the dinner place, but apparently not. No biggie, my birthday dinner was at Warrigal Square’s Little Nonya Singapore with Aunty A and we had Peking duck!

Aunty A comes back to our place with us after dinner, where we all tuck into the yummy cheesecake.

And that was my birthday for another year! But no, that certainly wasn’t the end of me celebrating it!

Remember how I mentioned my Saturday morning carer, Besta, earlier this post? She gave me an awesome birthday present: breakfast in bed!! When she’d first offered it, I thought she was just joking, but when she came to mind me from 10am till 1pm the Saturday following my birthday and gave me fifteen more minutes snooze time with Daddy Bear, when she came back inside, I couldn’t be bothered rolling around to face her and so just used Daddy Bear to wave his arm at her.

“Oh, teddy!” she laughed (Besta just calls him teddy, although I’m pretty sure she knows his name’s Daddy Bear). “Tell Emily to sit up; breakfast is served!”

Wow, she really remembered!! I immediately sat up, saying, “I can’t believe you really remembered!”

“Of course I did!” Besta replies with a grin. “Now, please move over; may I sit down beside you?”

I move my legs out of the way, and Besta comes and sits beside me. Breakfast is half an egg and ham sandwich; thanks to Besta who cooks the bread yummy (instead of just putting the bread into the toaster, Besta uses butter and cooks it on the saucepan! I taught her this trick but I actually learnt this method from Rhi, my former Saturday carer from Kyabra) with half a slice of cheese and one mug of white tea with two teaspoonfuls of sugar.

As I’m tucking into my small breakfast, Besta asks me, “Haven’t you ever had breakfast in bed before?” I think quickly, and then answer, “Technically, yes. Back when I was in the Mater Private at the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009, there wasn’t a dining room table like there is in the insane asylum (Besta’s aware that I call the Brain Injuries Rehab ward of the Princess Alexandra Hospital the ‘insane asylum’. XD), meaning you got your meals delivered to you in bed. But it’s different; you know what I mean?”

Besta nodded, laughing. While I munched my half a sandwich and drank my cup of tea, we just chatted away.

I thought that signalled the end of my birthday celebrations for 2016, nut no, not quite yet! See, apart from contacting a few friends to see if they’re free to celebrate my birthday over a meal with me, I usually also like to contact Mr. Hall, my year ten maths teacher, whom I kept in touch with after graduating high school. Around that time, usually he’s too busy with marking term one exam papers to catch up, but usually come term break one he’ll contact me and we’ll have a belated catch-up then.

What with horrid mother not letting me contact anyone to celebrate my birthday with me, I’d hoped that Mr. Hall would contact me once the first term break arrived. When he didn’t, I mentioned it to mother, asking, “Do you think he’s gone on holidays or sth?’

Horrid mother answered, “Probably not. I’m guessing he just didn’t wanna contact you. Some people are like that, you know: they put up with you just for one meal, but they’re really secretly relieved when they don’t haveta contact you.”

I’d been slightly offended; after all, I considered Mr. Hall a real friend! But what could I do, considering that he really hadn’t contacted me over the term break?

Fast forward to June. I’ve just turned 29.25 years old and am showering one afternoon, when he really does ring! After I get out of the bathroom, I ring him back and he apologises for not contacting me earlier, but now that he’s returned from overseas somewhere, he’s gonna take my parents and I out to The Glen Hotel restaurant for my belated birthday dinner!

After I hang up, I happily tell mother that she was dead-set wrong; that Mr. Hall really did remember my birthday and he really was a friend!

“What are you talking about?” mother scoffs. “You must be suffering from memory loss; I never said anything like that.”

Well, nowadays, my memory lapses are more like I’ve forgotten what vegetable I had for dinner the night before; I’m not hardly gonna forget something as nasty as what mother had said! XD Anyhow, I digress.

My final, just over three months belated birthday celebration with Mr. Hall at the Glen Hotel was great fun. I’ve forgotten did I eat an entrée but I ordered these really yummy meatballs for mains! See, I’d gone through the menu carefully: I didn’t wanna order anything that required me asking mother to please cut up for me!

Like all Australians I know, Mr. Hall wolfed down his chicken mains down really quickly, then just sat and we all chatted while I munched down my delicious meatballs at my usual slow pace. When I finally swallowed my last mouthful, Mr. Hall immediately announced, “Right. Dessert time. Here’s the menu.” For dessert, I had a PIZZA! Well, technically, not a pizza, but a pancake served as a pizza and with one scoop of vanilla ice cream and some crunchy biscuit crumb things on top! Mr. Hall had originally ordered one scoop of vanilla ice cream without topping (when I asked him why he didn’t add any topping with his ice cream, he replied, “Why the blazes would I choose one flavour of ice cream only to ruin it with another flavour of topping?” XD) but when it didn’t arrive, he went to chase it up. Turns out the restaurant had overlooked his order! When a waitress finally bought his ice cream, she said brightly, “Here’s your one scoop, then an extra scoop on the house for you!” After she’d left, Mr. Hall tucked into his ice cream, but then said he wouldn’t be dipping the restaurant tonight because he’d been highly offended by the fact that they’d forgotten his dessert! Well, fair enough. XD

I also got a belated birthday present from Mr. Hall: an atlas! See, whenever he tells me he’s going overseas to (somewhere) for the holidays, my answering inevitable question will always be, “Where’s (somewhere), sir?” When Mr. Hall growls at me how come I lack even basic geography knowledge, I defend myself with, “Sir, I only did geography back in 2000 for six months with Mrs. Minnikin, got a B- then never touched the subject again. Sorry, that’s probably why I don’t know where anywhere is.” Mr. Hall would then grumble, “Girl, I’m gonna get you an atlas for your birthday next.” So when I took out my new atlas from the Dymocks bag he’d bought it from, I laughed. “Thanks for this, sir! The first place I’m gonna look up will be Rio. I think it’s in South America somewhere, but I’m not too sure where, and I better, coz isn’t the Olympics held there later this year?”

Mr. Hall again mutters about my incomprehension of where countries are on the world map, but then thankfully lets the matter drop. XD

So thus ends the tale of how I celebrated my birthday this year! Apologies it’s taken me so long to get this post typed out; yes, I’ll be 29.5 years old tomorrow. XD

Next post here … apologies; I’ve been really slack with posts this year, haven’t i? I know I’ve started two movie reviews; maybe my next post will be one of them! So until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

Birthday Wishlist 2016

Phew, summer has come and gone for another year and soon I won’t haveta melt every time I step outside of an air-conditioned building. XD

The other reason why autumn’s my favourite season: my BIRTHDAY’S in march, and I’m hoping that if you read this post, you’ll then head out and buy me birthday presents! My birthday wishlists are probably shorter than my Xmas wishlists, but that’s because while I’ve got an entire nine months to concoct a detailed wishlist for Santa to fulfil, only four months separate Christmas and my birthday~ Anyways, here’s what I’m hoping I’ll receive for my birthday this year around:

(1)            Books – yup, this item will most likely always be the first item mentioned in any wishlist I post out. Yes, Samuel Enderby did take me to the Lifeline Bookfest sometime during the start of the year and yes, I also have the twelve books I go through each year for book club, but I also subscribe to several e-newsletters from bookstores and whenever my inbox receives a new update, my wishlist will grow by several items! My three favourite genres are fantasy, science fiction and historical fiction but seriously, I’m willing to give anything bar Mills and Boon a go. XD Oh, I’d really like the 8^th Harry Potter book, please! But apparently that won’t come out until at least halfway through the year … anyone willing to preorder that for me?? ^^

(2)            E-reader – I reckon every wishlist should include one expensive item. XD To be honest, I have absolutely no idea how expensive e-readers are; I’m not even sure if I’ll enjoy reading from one (as opposed to holding some actual book and turning paper pages) but hey, surely it can’t hurt to try! Perhaps several people could group together to get me this costly present?

(3)            Teddy – again, another item found in both wishlists I post out each year. As always promised, all my teddies are named and yes, all are loved. Although my teddy collection may suffer from gender inequality … does anyone know why almost all my teddies are boys? Thinking about it now, I think I’ve only got two females in my entire stuffed toy collection! (Ladies, you may take that as a not-very subtle hint to get me teddies for my birthday this year. XD)

(4)            Pet – yes, I will freely admit that I am guilty of the involuntary manslaughter of poor Silver and Bronze (the two goldfish that Pole’s family gave me back in 2008) but come on, it’s 2016 now and surely I deserve another chance?? Another option’s to get me a pet rock (when Luke Mac Court first told me about them, I seriously thought he was pulling my leg, but a quick Google search revealed to me that there are actually entire WEBPAGES devoted to pet rocks! XD) – see, those critters don’t require food, water or heaters to keep them alive!

(5)            Minions – apparently, the entire CHURCH is aware that I am completely obsessed with these yellow, jellybean-shaped creatures. I already received several minion items last year but seriously, I just simply cannot get enough of them. XD

See, only five things in my birthday wishlist this year. Guess I’m just not an overly materialistic person. XD Well, I reserve the right to add to it while the month progresses!

Next post here … maybe how I celebrated my birthday this year, or the movie review of the latest James Bond flick I saw with Ray and Sisi at the end of last year. Or the movie review of the latest Star Wars film I saw with Mr. Hall, also at the end of last year! Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

Sleeping

I’ve always been a messy sleeper, even before I was outta mother’s womb!

See, about one week before my due date, mother goes and sees the doctor. “There’s a problem.” She announces. “My baby isn’t kicking anymore.”

The doctor has a feel of mum’s tummy, and then reassures her, “Oh, there’s nothing wrong. Your baby’s fine; she’ll come out in a week or so. Just go home and wait.”

However, mother is insistent that there’s something definitely very wrong with me! “See, doctor,” she explained, “my daughter has a routine. Every morning around 7am or so, she wakes up, has a bit of a stretch, kick and wiggle, then settles back down. However, this week, before I came to see you, she’s been moving less and less. In fact, only this morning, all I got was one tiny little *nudge* from her! I’d liken that movement to what expectant mothers feel for the very first time when their baby starts moving, not someone that’s basically full term, like me. So there’s definitely something very wrong with my baby, doctor, and you had better find out what.”

The doctor agrees to mum’s demand, and hooks her up to some monitor to hear my heartbeat for one hour. At the end of the one hour, the doctor comes back to mother. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Chan,” he says, “but you were correct. Please call your husband and get him to come here right away. It’s an emergency; your baby’s got to come out NOW.”

See, what the monitor revealed was that my heart rate had plummeted DRAMATICALLY; basically, I was already such a messy sleeper while inside mother’s tummy that I’d kicked and rolled around so much, I’d somehow managed to wrap my umbilical cord around my neck and was STRANGLING myself! O_O

So mother rings dearest dad, fasts for eight hours, goes under the knife and waaah! Out I come! I’m only a little baby, though; at a measly 2.45kg, I only just make it out of being put into an incubator. The doctor doing the rounds sees me and decides I’ll be right on my own, although mother recalls how easy it was to locate me whenever she and dad came to the nursery to visit me. “You were just the smallest baby there!” she laughs.

Back home, I continued being a messy sleeper. At night, mother would put me to bed facing one direction, but when she came to find me in the morning, I’d be facing the other direction! Meaning sometime during the night, I’d sit up, do a 180 then lie back down again. See, aren’t I smart? ;)

Of course, growing up, I had my fair shares of nightmares. I still recall one to this very day. I’m inside a castle (because doesn’t every girl aspire to be a princess someday? XD) and there’s some baddie chasing me around with an evil potion. “Three percent dead!” the baddie cries, flinging the potion over me. Luckily, I’m saved by someone who tips another potion over me. “Five percent alive!” is her reply.

My favourite teddy credits himself for the fact that I had a relatively nightmare-free upbringing. “I protect you every night,” he tells me solemnly. “Whenever a bad dream tries to come and scare you, I scare it away first.”

However, my sleeping habits took a dive right when the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life back in 2007 with the disabling brain tumour. Okay, I wasn’t even conscious while I was in ICU or the acute neurological ward 2C, but after I regained full consciousness in the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Ward of the Princess Alexandra Hospital XD) I suffered majorly from lack of sleep. Well, I’d be asleep, but then the cruel and unfaithful God would send me some horrifying nightmare, how I was disabled, useless and abandoned forever. I’d wake up terrified, cry myself silently back to sleep (because obviously you can’t cause a ruckus in the middle of some hospital room! XD) only for God to send me yet another terrifying nightmare. Apart from that, the nurses would enter my room at all sorts of odd hours during the night, bang around and do noisy things. So sleep wasn’t really possible for me while I was still imprisoned in the insane asylum.

But did I ever catch up on all that much-needed sleep when I was finally released from BIRU! Like, I’d sleep till like 11:30am, get up, eat some brunch and do some, say, reading. Around 3pm, I’d be like, “Mum, I’m sleepy. Going for a nap now.” Only a nap for me wasn’t like thirty minutes, no, it was more like three or four HOURS! I’d get up, have dinner with my parents then around 8:30pm or 9pm, say, “Mum, I’m sleepy. Bedtime now, good night.” Then the whole cycle would repeat itself again. This went on for like one whole month, and got to the stage where mother was seriously considering taking me to see the doctor because honestly, it can’t be normal to sleep your whole life away?? However, around that time, I started pulling out of it, and now I’m fine with the usual eight hours that everybody else gets, although my teddy and I do love an occasional good sleep-in! ;)

In 2012, I decided to start noting down whenever I had a ‘great sleep’ otherwise known as when I’d say sweet dreams to my teddy, fall asleep and not wake up till the next morning, when the sky had lightened enough for me to be able to see the clock mounted on my wall. In 2012, I notched seventy-eight of those awesome sleeps. By 2015, however, that number had risen to 242! Today also marks a new milestone I have achieved: I have enjoyed successive awesome sleeps for a whole FORTNIGHT! I remember enjoying thirteen consecutive great sleeps last year, but on the 14^th night, my idiot bladder wakes me up, demanding I go! “Oh, leave off,” I grumble. “Just one more night.” But when nature calls, you’ve gotta listen! XD

So yes, I feel very fortunate now to enjoy such good quality sleep night after night. Hopefully the cruel and unfaithful God has realised that I’m not the most hateful person to him after all and he has gone to torment someone else.

Funnily enough now, I very rarely dream anymore! Or, if I do, I suppose I don’t remember it. Several years back, I had a small eyelash surgery done for my right eye. See, not only were my eyelashes getting too long, they were also growing inwards, and the doctor was afraid that if the eyelashes kept growing in that direction, they’d poke and scratch my cornea. So the surgeon brings me in and trims my eyelash for me under a sedative and a local. Originally, he’d planned to do the procedure under a general anaesthesia, but I talked him outta it. See, I’ve heard that every time you go under general anaesthesia you wake up heaps dumber, and I’d already been under like seven times since 2007; if doctors kept putting me under G.A every time I needed a procedure done, soon you wouldn’t be able to find anyone more stupid than me! XD My dream: the hospital rings to confirm my details before I have the small procedure done. I’m in the midst of telling the person on the other end of the line my home address when I hear a *duut duut duut*. I look over at mother. “Wonder why the line cut?” I asked her. “That’s alright,” she replies. “You can go to the bathroom now.” I remember thinking, “Why’s she telling me to go to the loo?’ when suddenly, I wake; and gosh, I’m BUSTING!! XD

Well, it’s 2016 now and I’ve just enjoyed my first fortnight’s worth of awesome sleeps. Hopefully there will be many more of those to come~

Next post here … well, I still haven’t finished my movie review of Spectre that I saw with Ray and Sisi at the end of last year! Or, if I’m super-unorganised, I guess you won’t here from me again till March the 1^st with my birthday wishlist for the year. XD Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

2015 Reflections

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone! Sorry, I was meant to write and post my reflections for 2015 up three nights’ ago for everybody to read and comment on, but come New Years’ Eve instead my dearest dad took mother and me out to Kangaroo Point where we watched the countdown and some fireworks in view of the Story Bridge and then two nights ago, uncle Calvin and aunty Catherine invited us over to their place for dinner! As for last night, I had to let the parents gleefully force me on too many stupid exercises for them to get a chance to finish writing these reflections. So here they are now:

Physically-wise: Yes, well, since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly and totally destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour back in 2007, I haven’t really been able to do much of anything. You see, as hard as I try to be independent and not rely on others for anything, the fact remains that I still require help with even some of the most basic and simple of tasks, like showering and dressing. Yes, I hate myself for it. >< You know, there’s a verse somewhere in the Bible that says if God’s for you, then who can be against you? As for me, I’m just thinking, sure, if God’s for you, who can be against you, but if God’s against you (like He so obviously is with me ><) well, then you’re royally screwed, aren’t you? ><

Another failure to report this year physically-wise is that I fell flat on my ass once. I realise that I do seem to harp on about falling over a lot, but the reason is that if I fall over, I simply don’t have the capacity to get myself back upright without assistance. ><

Work-wise: Last year was a success story for this heading, because back in February I had a job for one month and actually got some pay! True, I was only a telemarketer and goodness knows how everybody hates them and abuses them like crazy, but it was a job I could do while sitting down (I’ve always said that I’ll do any job provided I can do it seated, even wash toilets) and it gets me paid (fair enough, I was only on a supported wage, but pay’s pay, get it?) so I was quite happy to be able to rejoin normal society and the work force for one short month! However, after that initial month, my employer decided I needed more training and thus stopped the job. My disability employment agency enrolled me into a certificate II in business, which was a six month course. So I did that course diligently for six months (not being business-minded, I’d originally thought business to be about numbers, but turns out that ‘business’ was really just a course on office etiquette!) and stopped logging into the site in September. However, come October/November, I suddenly receive an e-mail from the group that ran the business course, saying that I had not logged in for six weeks, and if I didn’t log back in and continue the course, they’d cancel my enrolment! Immediately logging back in, I saw that I still had about four courses left to complete, and quickly did them. However, the final (I’m presuming) course required me to write a cover letter and send it to my disability employment advisor for some feedback, which I did. After one week without response, I tried e-mailing her again. After a second week went by without response, I actually rang her. Another disability employment advisor named Kylee answered, telling me that my disability employment adviser called Fiona was still on holidays, and also because one whole year had passed since my last JCA (job capacity assessment) I’d haveta go to Centrelink and ask to be put with them again, coz I’d already been released from their program! *sigh* You’d think they’d have the decency to tell me that my time with them was drawing to a close and that I’d best quick-smart rejoin, but no. >< Obviously, finding paid work hasn’t been easy for me, but I’m definitely gonna keep trying. Remember, I’m willing to do ANYTHING (even wash toilets) as long as I can do it sitting down and it gets me some pay.

Sporting-wise: Well, I’d hoped that with Benny returning to the helm of the Broncos, he’d finally deliver them the premiership they’d missed for nine whole years and we came so close, too! Ben Hunt, you DOLT, I can’t believe you dropped that first ball from the restart! >< However, I’ve been told by others that you aren’t really to blame for the poor Broncos going down by one point to the Cowboys and hey, in the end, a Queensland team still won, right? On another point, I’m exceedingly happy that the mighty Maroons regained the Origin shield, and in such emphatic fashion, too! The final score for the third match was 56-6; NSW, I hope you’re braced for another eight years of pain, at least. XD

Spiritually-wise: *sigh* This year will mark nine years since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour. I’m losing hope that He’ll ever deign to tell me whatever the hell it was that I’d done/not done to warrant such a horrible fate. I’m still praying nightly, but when you don’t have any expectations, you won’t feel disappointed, right? I know in the Bible somewhere Paul says that he can do all things with the One who gives him strength; for me, I’ve discovered that it’s actually how I can do all things WITHOUT the One who only tries to hurt, harm and hinder me! Whenever I fancy myself a rhyming poet, I tell God that every single day, in every single way; I will do every single thing totally and entirelyWITHOUT Him who won’t even bother to lift a pinkie to help me. I know that’s not the right attitude to take, but come off it, when has God ever helped me? Where was He been back whenever I was crying out so desperately for His help?? >< Sometimes I wonder: has God ever heard of the phrase ‘live and let live’? He lives, so why the heck can’t He let me live the life I should be living: a free life, an independent life, one that isn’t reliant on everybody for almost everything?? ><

Politically-wise: Like I said last year, I have next-to-none knowledge about politics; whenever election time rolls around, I usually vote for whichever politician has the brains to send me a flyer promoting themselves first. XD Last year, the first flyer I received was from a lady called something like Freya Ostopopvich (does anyone know what kinda country has that sorta surname?) and I was gonna vote for her. However, in the following days, I received another flyer from a man that seemed very favourable to us Chinese! (Well, technically, I’m Cantonese, but same diff, right?) I really couldn’t decide who I should vote for. Upon arrival at the local primary school where the voting takes place, I saw some lady giving handshakes and randomly joined the queue for one. “Hello, and you are?” I asked as I shook this lady’s hand.

“I’m Freya.” She replied.

“What?! You mean you’re that Ostapopvich lady??” I was amazed; she laughed and said that yes, indeed she was. So she definitely got my vote that day because not only was she the first candidate to send a flyer promoting themself to my letterbox, she was actually there in person! In other political news … oh, we got a new prime minister. Dunno what happened to Tony Abbott, but Malcolm Turnbull’s leading our country now. Mother’s laughing: apparently we’ve gone through five different prime ministers in five years!

Everything-else wise: well, I’ve already mentioned my epic failure about how I fell flat on my butt once last year; hopefully it won’t happen again this year!

One sad thing I wanna mention’s the fact that mother seems to wanna abandon me. See, whenever anything’s not going her way, she’ll threaten to bring in dad, who’ll definitely throw me outta the house. I’m not sure what’s gotten into her, but I sure hope she comes to her senses soon. However, if she does decide to so cruelly abandon me, please will you be nice to my dad? He may miss me a little … then again, maybe not: mother’s always badmouthing me to him when I’m around; I shudder to think how much worse she is when I’m not present. >< So these past few days, I’ve managed to tell several people (like my Australian godmother and my Aunty Nga) that if mother does so callously abandon me, can they please just be nice to my most beloved dad, coz I do love him so. Sure, mother always jeers at me that I don’t, because dad says if I loved him, I’d listen to him and do as he says; since I don’t always follow his instructions, obviously only she loves him. I’m not sure how to respond to that, except ask her to go back in this blog and find the post I wrote on my reflections for 2008 and see if she really does keep her promises.

Oh, when Spring arrived this year, mother put me on a diet. See, I was never slim to begin with, but back when I was stuck in the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone as the Brain injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra Hospital XD) I really ballooned out. So once September arrived (mother was already trying to get me to cut down on food consumption earlier last year, but I simply didn’t care: when Winter’s here, I just focus on keeping warm, not slim! XD) I stopped eating toasties (only fruit now) and having white tea with sugar (just green tea now). Don’t think I’m managed to lose any weight for mother yet but oh well, will keep trying.

Well, I think I’ve reflected enough about 2015; 2016’s arrived already!

So, next post here … either about the crummy Christmas Day, Boxing Day and subsequent days before the New Year that I endured at the hands of mostly mother, else a movie review; I’ve got two waiting to be written! One’s for the latest James Bond movie I saw with Ray and Sisi awhile back; the other’s for the new Star Wars movie I saw with Mr. Hall after Christmas! Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^