2016 Reflections

Lol, I remember on the last night for  2015 my dearest dad took mother and I out somewhere to watch the countdown, meaning I actually wasn’t organised enough to post my reflections for the year until January the 2^nd, 2016. In an attempt to be more organised this time around, I’m actually starting this year’s reflections on December the 31^st! XD

Physically-wise: unfortunately, my encounter with the supposed ‘faith healer’ earlier this year amounted to absolutely nothing; I’m unsure whether that means faith healing’s actually a sham and doesn’t actually exist (except to trick the gullible, like me >< XD) or whether God was just being cruel and unfaithful like I’ve come to expect of him. Either way, that doesn’t change the fact that I will need to continue trying my hardest everyday to improve my mobility. I resume physio come January the 9^th; for now, I’m just gonna pretend the word ‘physio’ simply does not exist. XD

Back in October, I received a letter saying that they were reviewing all the disability service pensions, and could I please ask all my health practioners to write letters for me, certifying that I am, indeed, a disabled bum so they won’t suspend/cut off my pension? My UQ physio writes me this god-awful letter, saying I ambulate at 0.4km/hr. I’m like, “Seriously? You mean if you stuck me onto a treadmill and I walked straight for one hour, I’d only walk 400m? I would’ve thought that I’d crack 1km, surely!” However, mother tells me that walking on a treadmill doesn’t count because the speed has already been preset for you; if I wanted to walk 1km in one hour, I’d haveta go walk outside in the hallway of the UQ physio gym is. My UQ physio measures the hallway and reports that I’d have to plod thirty-three and one-third laps to reach 1km. I decide to give it a crack, and for my final physio session for 2016, really do hike the hallway again, again and again. I’m very proud to report that I reached the 1km distance around the forty-minute mark! After hiking 1km, my physio asks me, “Would you like to call it a day and head back into the gym, or are you willing to continue plodding for the whole hour so I can give you a speed of km/hr?” Seeing that my demented left ankle wasn’t hurting yet, I decided to keep plodding for the full hour. Final result? My physio calculated and reported back that I ambulate at 1.25km/hr. I understand that this speed’s pathetically slow compared to other able-bodies people but hey, it sure beats 0.04km/hr! Thankfully, I think I pulled up pretty well, afterwards, too. Most nights, if mother isn’t too tired, she’ll check my wonky left ankle and give it a rub; after my long hike, she reported that my demented ankle had developed both a bruise and a blister. That meant for several days afterwards, by nightfall, my wonky ankle would ache a fair bit, but luckily, I think that’s all better now.

Same as last year, idiot me managed to flat on my useless arse once. However, at UQ physio this year, I’ve been practising how to get myself back upright again should I fall, so hopefully if I’m stupid enough to lose my balance and hit the floor next year (but fingers, toes and all other appendages crossed that I won’t) I’ll be able to get myself upright again before mother notices and chucks a cow at me that obviously I fell because I hadn’t put enough weight to my left side!

Work-wise: unfortunately, I never heard back from the disability employment agency that found a paid job for me for one month last year, meaning the only paid work I have been doing is some freelance editing for a church friend. However, he only very recently experienced the birth of his first child, so understandably I can’t be expecting anymore paid work from him this year! I was hopeful that Centrelink would put me with another disability service provider who could help me find some steady paid work, but for some reason, mother has flatly prevented that from happening? I think it’s because she’s not a confident driver in any sense of the word, and dreads having to drive me anywhere, seeing that I’m no longer able to drive. Still, I’m hoping that I will somehow be able to access paid work this year; I still vividly recall the immense shame I felt when I once had to ask mother for money just so I could go and buy her and dearest dad wedding anniversary presents!

Sporting-wise: I suppose the biggest sporting this year was the Rio Olympics. From memory, Australia didn’t perform too well and actually finished outside the top ten, but I had great pleasure watching all the equestrian events that mother kindly taped for me. (I’ve always loved horses, ever since a little Grade Two me wandered into the school library and picked up a boom of Anna Sewell’s ‘Black Beauty’.) ‘Twas also awesome to watch the mighty Maroons hold onto the Origin shield; like I said last year, NSW, I hope you guys are braced for at least another eight years of pain. XD Still on the topic of rugby league, unfortunately the poor Broncos didn’t manage to secure the premiership this year. I’d really been hoping they would, because (1) it’s been one whole decade since we last lifted that premiership trophy and (2) I’d been hoping we could send Justin Hodges off in style, like we did with Shane Webcke when he retired back in 2006! I’ve got two physio friends who both reckon Benny’s too old to help the Broncos regain the premiership trophy; how I’d love to contact them both after the Broncos win the grand final game next year and tell them, “Oh, you of little faith…”! XD

Spiritually-wise: back in the physically-wise section, I’d already mentioned my run-in with that so-called ‘faith healer’. What I didn’t mention was that this woman actually left me with a new outlook on life: see, while her friend and she were telling me about how good life in heaven would be after our earthly life here was up, I rather bitterly responded, “Great, I will have all of ETERNITY to regret the one life here on Earth that God is so cruelly wasting now!” However, this lady reassured me, “Oh no, it won’t be like that at all. When you get to heaven, you’ll regard your Earthly life with as much regard as you would a hang nail right now.” Well, with that in mind, perhaps I need not anguish so desperately over how I feel my life is being wasted right now?

Another point of note was during our English ministry church camp back around October. I missed most of the speaker’s final talk because I was having a D&M with his wife. When I explained the fact that I simply couldn’t reconcile the fact of how God ‘claims’ to be in the Bible (faithful, caring, loving, providing for all my needs, etc.) with how he’s treated me (my disabling brain injury back in 2007), Keiying encouraged me to pray to God and ask him to ‘bridge the gap’. I’ve being doing that nightly ever since, begging God to please show me that He’s all He says He is. I’ve asked Him would He please just hit me with a revelation so that I will just suddenly understand that He really is all that He professes to be? Then I ask Him, but if you won’t, then please do it slowly, do it incrementally, but don’t not do it! To date, I’ve had absolutely no reply but like I say, if you don’t expect anything in the first place, you can’t be disappointed, right? *sigh* It’s why nightly I rage against God that Jesus is the only way to heaven and eternal life because trust me, if there were ANY OTHER WAY to make it up there and get in there, I’d take it in a second. In a jiffy. In an instant. No looking back. No second thoughts. Just “Bye, God. I’m leaving you for Someone who actually can provide me with a hope, a life and a future, which is what you’ve so cruelly denied me.” Because in society these days, we’re taught you don’t have to accept things you don’t like. Don’t like your job? Find a new career! Dislike your university studies? Switch degrees! Oh, how I wish it could be the same with religion; how I wish I could find Someone else to worship and follow yet still get eternal life in heaven after this Earthly life’s finished and be reunited with my most beloved grandmother. Guess it’s something I’ll have to keep working on next year.

Politically-wise: like I probably say every year, I’ll confess to having next-to-none political knowledge whatsoever; every time an election comes up, I vote for the politician smart enough to send me a flyer promoting themselves first, because I reckon that shows initiative. XD Well, I guess the biggest news politically is that Donald Trump will become the next US president soon; not having followed the whole election process, I’m not really sure why everyone seems to think that him becoming the most powerful man in the world next year will somehow result in the end of the world but I suppose time will tell, yeah?

Everything-else wise: well, I can’t really think of anything else to mention. True, mother is constantly bitching at me, but hey, by now I’m used to it. That’s just a fact of life. XD

Oh, there was also that attempt by me to resume tertiary studies. I’d been hoping to study some creative writing course, but was first required to pass some prerequisite course about referencing properly and not plagiarising. Unfortunately, I flunked the first assessment piece and was required to complete another prerequisite course before I could continue my current perquisite course in order to FINALLY reach the course I’d originally intended to study! Like I covered in my Xmas greetings to everyone earlier this month, mother has been unfortunately very negative about this whole process and condemning me to abysmal failure. I understand that, but I can at least hold my head up high and try my best!

Well, I guess that sums up the year. 2017’s arriving in just over twenty minutes, so I’d like to wish everyone a safe and prosperous 2017 ahead and I look forward to seeing you all soon!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

P.S. Apologies if you come across any mistakes while reading this; it’s like 11:50pm now and I don’t have time to recheck it, not if I want to spend the countdown with my dearest dad! (Mother’s already hit the sack upstairs, with “See you next year.” XD