Usually, I don’t pen my birthday reflections for that year
until the day before my birthday (the 19th of March), or, if I’m
super-unorganised, not until my birthday itself, a few hours literally before
my birthday (I was born at 6:22pm).
But usually, dad’s work is the quietest around the end of January till the
beginning of February period, and he’ll often take a week off work then and
take mother and I on a short holiday somewhere, like how two years back we went
on a road trip all the way down to Sydney and back and last year, we went down
to Tasmania, where I discovered why I didn’t see the two heads on the
Tasmanians, like I’d been assured they all had! XD Actually, I’ve just realised
I still haven’t uploaded a post about that awesome holiday; it’s been started,
and I promise to try and get it up soon!
But back to why I’m penning my birthday reflections early:
instead of dad taking mother and I on a short holiday somewhere this year,
mother instead went back by herself to Hong Kong for two
weeks! Dad and I literally only picked her up from the airport on Monday night (well,
literally very early Tuesday morning)!
So, instead of us three taking a short family holiday
somewhere, dad’s decided that we’ll go for a small trip somewhere for my
birthday! It’d only be a one night stay, though: I’m hitting Garbo for my
fortnightly shopping trip with Roxana on Thursday morning but I wanna attend
the first FX for 2015 on Friday night! Hence why I’m penning my birthday
reflections now: I won’t be home to write them like I usually do on the day
before (or the day itself XD) of my birthday!
I’m very relieved to be able to report that I have finally
taken myself off the job market temporarily; for two weeks I was a
telemarketer! Sure, everyone hates telemarketers and either hangs up on them
(like I do! XD) or abuse them like crazy and believe me, I copped plenty of
flak for my first two weeks of work, but it was a job I could do sitting down
and it got me paid, even though if only on a supported wage! For those of you
who don’t know what a supported wage is, the employer assesses you and decides
that if you can work at 60% of the normal able-bodied worker, you’ll receive 60%
of the wage. My employer, a man from Iraq
called Jacob, decided I could perform at 70% capacity of the normal person,
meaning I got seventy percent of the standard rate. Well, I worked for two
weeks, before he decided that I needed more training and stopped my work. Oh
well, I understand, thus far I’ve been an absolutely useless telemarketer. >< XD I’m just hoping I’ll get my first
fortnight’s pay and can shout my parents and a few friends out for dinner,
because I’ve heard that’s what you’re meant to do with your first pay check:
shout your family and friends out for dinner! Well, mother only arrived back
from hong kong on Monday night (well literally, Tuesday morning); must remember
to ask her please to check my bank account for me, see how much money I’ve got.
Ideally, I’d like to shout five people out to dinner; if I don’t have enough
money in my bank account from my one (and potentially only ><) pay check,
I’ll settle for just shouting my parents dinner; surely I’ve got enough for
that!
Amazingly,
I managed to get through the whole of last year without falling flat on my butt
once! During 2014, I had three close shaves: the first time, when I was walking
down the stairs from our church’s main hall to the building below; the handrail
doesn’t start till you descend down to the top step; I aimed for the rail,
missed and fell backwards! Luckily, Kwany caught me (and that was the first
time I noticed how tall he was: I fell backwards onto him and my head only met
his upper chest! XD) and I didn’t fall. The second near-miss was one Sunday
afternoon, when Julz was walking behind me to Springwood’s Fasta Pasta for
lunch with other church peoples. Randomly without warning, I trip and smack
backwards into Julz! After she steadies me, we realise that my shoelace had
become undone and I’d trod on it; you can believe me now when I say that every
time I get up, before I start walking, I look and check that both laces are
done up!
My last near-miss for 2014 was when I was pouring myself my
nightly half-cuppa of milk before hitting the sack. Somehow, I tripped
forwards, and would have face planted if not for my knees smacking into the
tiled floor surface of our house. Actually, I earned myself a nice whopping
bruise on my right knee for that; it was certainly interesting to watch it turn
like nearly all the colours of the rainbow spectrum before finally fading! XD
Well, it’s been more than eight years since the cruel and
unfaithful god so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour;
eight years on, I can still only mourn the loss of my previously good life.
Everyday I’ve asked God please to just tell me what it was that I’d done/didn’t
do that was so bloody sinful He decided it was deserving to totally destroy my
life for; alas, He’s never even bothered to answer me … actually, I’ve just
remembered that I’ve already shared about this in my post ‘Reflections For 2014’;
go read that, if you’re interested. It’s under the ‘spiritually-wise’ section.
Also, yes, everyday I do wonder what might’ve been if mother
had taken me to that healing meeting I received a flyer about one night while
out at Garbo with a carer/life coach/support worker/whatever they’re called now
XD that offered healing. Mother has probably forgotten that incident by now; as
for me, everyday I can’t help but mourn and wonder, “If she had taken me to
that, would I have found healing? Would I now be living as a full, contributing
member to society??” ><
I sincerely hope it’s not a sin to hate/be angry with God,
because that’s exactly where I find myself now. From an old blog I used to
keep, I found a quote there that I really like: “My soul is not for you to possess.”
Randomly Googling the quote one day, I found it in its entirety: you can break
my body and you can bend my mind, but my soul is not for you to possess. Every
morning when I wake up, I’ve told the cruel and unfaithful god that. Yes, you can
break my body (like you’ve already done; yes, I’m physically disabled beyond
words) and yes, you can bend my mind (like you’ve also done; my parents are
always jeering at me that I don’t think properly anymore), but do you know
what, god? My SOUL is NOT FOR YOU to possess!! See, my point’s that I only hate
god because He hated me first. I never hated anyone (nor have I found anyone
else to hate) until He showed me how much he hated me. God taught me how to
hate; it’s only and entirely because of Him that I am now so good at hating.
But let’s end this note on a hopeful note, shall we? This
year, I’m hoping to continue improving on my mobility and aim for another year without
falling flat on my butt! Yes, I realise I do seem to harp on about falling over
quite a lot; you see, if you fall over, you just laugh, check for any injuries,
dust yourself off and scramble back up. Unfortunately for me, if I happen to
hit the ground, I won’t be able to haul myself back upright again without aid.
Hence my fear of falling. ><
Actually, right now, I’m learning how to tie my own
shoelaces again! Post my disabling brain injury, whenever I noticed my shoelace
undone, I’d have to stick my foot out to somebody and ask them please to retie
it. Currently, however, I’m learning how to tie them myself, so one day I hope
to be able of independently doing the laces myself!
Well, that’s about all from me about my birthday reflections
for this year. I’ve received only one birthday card thus far (from my little
cousin Mickey! Actually, he’s only ‘little’ in that he’s twenty years and six
months exactly younger than me; he’s got tall parents and by the last photo I
saw, he’s already standing at my mother’s shoulder; him, almost 7.5!) but
hopefully receive at least one more before my birthday this Friday! Oh, if you
read this, please do remember to leave me a happy birthday message on my
Facebook wall come Friday. XD My birthday should be fairly easy to remember: I
share the same birthday as Tim Li!
Next post here … well, I really ought to publish the post
I’ve started about our family trip down to Tasmania
last year, right? I’ll confess that I’ve forgotten that post’s name: if you
don’t get to read it for awhile yet, you may presume I still haven’t found the
document yet. XD anyways, until then~
Cheers, Em. ^^
No comments:
Post a Comment