Apostasy

Apostasy. It’s a new word I discovered recently, which means to ditch one’s religion.

Alas that Christianity’s the only way to heaven and eternal life. Alas that you have to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and personal saviour before you’re saved and will get life after death.

Because if there was any other way for me to enter heaven after I died, if there was any other way for me to be reunited with my most beloved maternal grandmother after life on this Earth here, believe me, I would take it. Immediately. Bye Jesus, you haven’t looked after me well and I’m gonna follow and worship some other god that actually will provide me with a hope and a future, which is exactly what You’ve so cruelly denied me.

Unfortunately, life’s not that simple. I can’t very well go convert to Buddhism/any other religion and still expect to enter heaven after my mortal life here on this earth has finished.

Which has me banging (figuratively, not literally XD) my otherwise empty skull against the wall with agitation.

Look at society these days. We’re taught that if we don’t like the situation we’re currently in, get out, go, find a better one! Don’t like your uni degree? Switch, find something better that better suits your aspirations for the future! Don’t like your job? Find a better career!

Alas, life doesn’t work like that. Only how I wish it did! From the Bible, Jeremiah 29:29 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “Plans to give you a hope and a future.” Only after the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour, it’s been hard for me to understand this passage. I mean, I have no hope now, because God’s so cruelly destroyed my future. As hard as I try to be as independent as possible, the fact remains that I need some help with even the most basic of tasks, like showering. Now, my future looks bleak and bleaker as my parents get older. I’m their only child, meaning it’ll be my responsibility to look after them once they get to old to do so themselves. Only how the blazes can I look after them, when I can’t even look after myself?? Hence my railing at the cruel and unfaithful God for being the only way to eternal life, why I hate the fact that there’s no other way to get to heaven except through him. Coz speaking frankly, after my parents get too old to look after themselves properly, the best I can do will be to find them a nursing home and pray they won’t get mistreated. Then I may as well find one for myself too, considering I can’t even look after myself properly … *sigh*

Back when I was first released from the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Ward of the Princess Alexandra hospital to everyone else XD), near the end of May, 2008, it was hard to adjust to life back at home and mother would frequently rail at me how she’d abandon me to some nursing home, because she simply couldn’t cope with looking after me. Personally, I wondered how she could do that; I mean, would she just discard me like some piece of rubbish and then meet other aunties from our church and proudly tell them, “Hey, I’ve just abandoned my daughter; let’s go for a drink together to celebrate!”?? For that reason, I developed a little mantra that I’d repeat to myself once every night, detailing the lengths to which I’d go to stay with my parents. However, at the end of the year, mother had a change of heart and PROMISED we’d NEVER be apart.

Fast forward six years, and mother’s once more reverted to her threat of abandoning me, which has made me revisit the vow I’d made to myself back in 2008. For the time being, however, I’m only repeating this creed to myself once every Sunday, but I thought it’d be prudent of me to note my vow once down here, just in case:

If I am separated from my parents, I will do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING I need to get back to them.

1.         If I can walk back to them, fantastic. I promise to return to them as fast as I can manage, regardless of cuts, scrapes, insect bites, sunburn, whatever. If I can’t walk back, well, guess I’ll just haveta crawl. That’s okay. It’ll just take longer.

2.         If I can do everything legally to return to them, that’d obviously be for the best, but if I must resort to committing illegal acts to get me back to them, fine.

3.         If I have to sell my body in order to get back to my parents, who cares, it’s just your body, but even if I haveta sell my SOUL for that to happen, I will!

4.         If it takes a day, awesome. If it takes a week before I’m back with my parents, cool. If it takes a month, no big deal. If it takes a year, well, I’ll work hard. But even if it takes TEN YEARS, I’ll not stop until I’m back with them!!! Every single day, I’ll tell myself that I MUST get back to them, that I WILL get back to them.

But perhaps that’s just me being overly dramatic, coz dad reckons if I were to be institutionalised, I’d have a great time! “You can eat however much you want, and have like ten sugars with your tea!”  Hopefully, my situation will never have to reach a point that dire!

In conclusion, relax, I’m not looking to change religions or anything; I’m fully aware that Christianity’s the only way to heaven and eternal life. I’m just letting off some steam with a verbal rant about the unfairness of it all … don’t mind me.

Next post here … back at the beginning of this month, Leanne took me to see the Lion King musical; it was the bestest thing ever, and I’ve definitely gotta write a detailed post on that, so until then!

Cheers,

Em. ^^