1.5 DECADES ago last year, my most beloved maternal grandma went to heaven to live with God forever. Dearest por por, not a single day goes by when I don't remember the immense love you had for me; you raised me for the first four years of my life and when we moved to Brisbane you came with for the first six months and looked after me while the parents went to TAFE and learnt English. You were so smart: despite knowing barely any English you taught yourself to understand all the soapies (it's all body language and apparently someone's always dying, crying or lying XD) and even the rules of tennis! After you returned to HK I grew up in Australia; sometimes you'd fly over and visit me and other times I'd fly back and visit you. When I suffered the brain injury back in 2007 mother rang my Aunty Nga in HK and told her to tell you. Three years later we returned to HK; when we first arrived @ Aunty Lai's apartment you were out so I took a seat on the sofa but the moment you returned of course I had to get up and give you a big hug! The night before we left you climbed into bed beside me and we cuddled awhile. On our final night in HK I stood up from my manual wheelchair and gave you a big long hug, saying until next time. Except dad decided we'd embraced long enough, pushed me back down into my wheelchair and started pushing me away! I tried putting my foot down on the ground to stop the wheelchair and grab the wheel with my hand to turn the wheelchair back around to finish our final embrace but a horribly disabled female is obviously no match for a full-strength man! >< All I could do was blow you kisses, wave and hope beyond all hope that I'd hug you again soon ...
Several months later, mother is supervising my shower in the laundry (since Home Modifications hasn't built a downstairs bathroom for me yet) when suddenly the phone rings with the information that you've been hospitalised. Mother immediately rushes back to HK for one month to look after you and I really don't understand: how the heck does pneumonia suddenly become third stage lung cancer??
After mother returns to Brisbane I know we'll haveta fly back to HK and say bye to you soon but I had no idea it'd be this soon. One night we're chatting over the phone when I ask her do you remember how you taught me how to recite the Lord's prayer in Canto when I was 3.5 years old? I can still remember it! You say let's recite it together and we do; later that night I remember blogging and saying hopefully we'll recite it together many more times.
Only one night shortly afterwards I'm asleep when the ringing phone suddenly wakes me. I sleepily flick open the bedside lamp, wondering who'd possibly ring @ 4am but since either parent answers the phone quickly think nothing more of it and snuggle back under the covers. I'm nearly asleep again when suddenly my bedroom door opens and both parents enter my room. Mother crawls into bed me, touches my cheek and holds out the phone. "Em," she tells me. "Take the phone and say bye to grandma. She's going to heaven now and can't reply but she'll definitely hear you." WTF?! I swear, my heart *STOPPED* when I heard those words. Sure, grandma had terminal lung cancer and wasn't long for this world but there was still time to go back to HK and say bye, wasn't there?? I take the phone and say in a quavering voice "Por por (Canto for your maternal grandma)? Can you hear me? It's time for you to go to heaven now. Sorry I can't be in HK to send you off but I love you the most forever and will miss you forever, okay?? Hopefully I'll cya in heaven again one day..." Mother takes the phone back and continues talking with thee nurse that rang while dad stays with me patting my back until he thinks I've fallen back asleep and leaves my room too. But oof course I'm still awake and cry myself silently to sleep. The following night, we immediately fly back to HK but grandma's funeral isn't for another three weeks. My dearest dad gives the eulogy and mother asks me do I want to sing a song for grandma? I pick her favourite hymn, Amazing Grace and when it's my turn I front the stage saying hi I'm Tsz Yin (my Chinese name), Lam Sok Ngor's (my grandma's Chinese name) grandchild who lives in Australia. Sorry if my Canto skills are shoddy; I've lived in Brisbane since 1990 so if you don't understand my Canto, just poke the person beside you and ask "She said whaat?" After the laughter dies down I say Amazing Grace was my most beloved maternal grandma's hymn so I'd like to sing it for her today. I'm about too start counting my parents in when the pianist suddenly starts playing it! The parents and I all sing the first verse together, then dad stops and leaves mother and I to sing the second verse together. When mother stops to lemme sing the third verse by myself, I put all the love I can into the verse and someone manage to get through the entire verse with a steady voice before the parents re-join me for the final verse. Several days after the service, we catch a ferry back to Cheung Chau where grandma's ashes are sealed inside a beautiful headstone.
Por por, I can scarce believe that last year marked 1.5 DECADES since you went up to heaven to live with God forever. Not a single day goes by when I don't remember the love we had for each other and God had better be treating you up in heaven like the QUEEN you surely deserve to be. Sure, nobody's perfect but in my eyes, you always were. Hopefully one day we'll be reunited in heaven; until then, you are forever in my heart~
