Whoops again this year I’ve been unorganised; 2021 arrives
in just a little over seven hours time and I’m only starting to pen (well, type
XD) my reflections for 2020 now! So, how has this year been for me?
Physically wise: unfortunately, after not suffering a proper
‘fall’ for the past two years (although I did slip down on the wet tiled floor
once and trip forward and right kneeplant – thankfully not faceplant XD - near
the kitchen bench another time) this year has been third time UNlucky for me,
because I was idiotic enough to totally stack it not once but TWICE. ><
At least both times I remembered to lean forward as I was going down and didn’t
SMASH my head against the wall behind me… but I totally agree with the headline
I saw on Sunrise today while I was eating breakfast: “2020: A YEAR WE’D RATHER
FORGET …” One good thing for me physically wise this year was that I started
walking laps around the Great Court at UQ! When my physio student first
proposed that to me, I was like, “Uh, but since I walk so slowly nowadays, by
the time I walk up to the Great Court it’ll be time to walk back down to the
NAB and say bye.” Only then my current physio student (they have five week
rotational blocks) said, “No, see this manual wheelchair here? You sit in it,
I’ll wheel you up to the
Work wise: last year, the disability employment service I
was with started me on some cert two/four in office admin that I paid like
forty bucks for but then ditched me; I tried to continue the study myself but was
slow. The student support person I was liasing with said he’d keep giving me
extensions provided I submitted one subject per month; near the end of the
month I logged in with the intention of completing another unit only to find
I’d already been locked out! I contacted student support explaining my
situation and asking could my account please be reactivated so I could keep
continuing study; someone said someone from student services would contact me
but nobody ever did … hmm, early next year I must try contacting them again and
chase what happened to my enrolment … remember, I’m willing to do ANYTHING as
long as I can do it seated and it gets me paid properly … if you need further
information, the last time I checked I typed at 31 WPM with one hand at 100% accuracy.
Spiritually wise: this year, I followed a Bible reading plan
where I read the entire Bible in one year. I tried that once with Fiona So two
years ago but gave myself a break from it last year because I already signup
for three different daily devotions. This year I decided to try again to read
the entire Bible in one year. I’m not sure why … perhaps I was subconsciously
hoping to find out why the cruel and unfaithful God hated me and what I’d
haveta do for Him to love me and restore my life back to me again? I guess the
only thing I can say to that’s if you don’t expect anything, you can’t be
disappointed … time and time again, God’s not come through for me. As I read
through all the books this year, I was just struck again and again with how
much I dislike G od. You know how Paul (I think it’s him) says somewhere
in the Bible that if God’s for us, then who can be against us? My immediate
thought reaction to that sentence was but if God’s against you then you are
just totally SCREWED. People like Pharaoh when Moses was with the Egyptians.
Sure the Bible says that sometimes Pharaoh hardened his own heart and wouldn’t
let God’s people go, but other times, it was God Himself who hardened
Pharaoh’s heart! Meaning poor Pharaoh was condemned right from the very
beginning coz the cruel and unfaithful God denied him the chance to let the
Israelites go … Or people like Job’s children, who all perished because God
allowed Satan to wreak havoc on Job’s life, so long as Satan didn’t touch Job
himself. Can you imagine Job’s kids arriving before the throne of judgement and
asking God in confusion, “What happened? Life was going great … and then
suddenly my life ended?” I can just see the cruel and unfaithful God
offhandedly replying, “Oh, I just wanted to test your dad out. Your life didn’t
matter whatsoever, so I offed you to see how he would react.” *sigh* I
seriously hope accepting that God sent His Son Jesus down to Earth to die for
your sins is enough to get you into heaven. Hopefully you aren’t required to
love God because if that’s a requirement before you’re allowed into heaven for
all eternity I hope someone will please teach me how to love the God who’s so
wantonly and totally destroyed my life back in 2007 with the disabling brain
injury because the correct response to Someone who’s totally destroyed your
life surely isn’t adoration but hatred! Somewhere in the Bible it says that we
love because God first loved us. Well, I hate God only because I found out how
much He hated me. I never hated anyone until I discovered God’s hatred; I only
know how to hate because of God’s hatred. I’m only good at hating because God
showed me exactly how much He hated me. I can only laugh inside when anybody
tries telling me that God loves me because if He truly loves me, He’s got a
damn awful way of showing it … suppose all I can do’s keep on keeping on; like
I’m sure I’ve said before I can’t jolly well commit apostasy, convert to say
Islam and still hope to spend eternity in heaven with my most beloved maternal
grandma. By next September, it’ll have been five years since EM had a church
camp where the speaker was Steve Nation; I missed the majority of his final
talk on Sunday morning because I was having a D&M with his wife Kei Ying.
When I got a bit tearful and explained to her that I couldn’t reconcile the God
who ‘claims’ He’s faithful, loving and whatnot with the God I’ve experienced,
she suggested I try praying to God to ‘bridge the gap’, you know, God this is
what You seem like to me but this is how You portray Yourself in the Bible; can
You please show me how you really are? I’ve taken her advice; every night
before I hit the sack I beg God to please ‘bridge the gap’, to please show me
apparently what you really are. Could you please just hit me with a revelation?
Let me just suddenly understand that you are faithful, you are loving, you are
kind, you are compassionate, you are healing, you are everything You claim to
be but I don’t see you being; please just let me get it like that! But if you
won’t do it that way, then do it slowly, do it incrementally, but please don’t
not do it, because this is my life You are wasting here! I’ve already said if
you don’t expect anything you can’t be disappointed only I keep hoping beyond
all hope that one day in the very near future everything will fall back into
place and God will restore my life back to me. Sure, it’s alright to hope but
it’s just delusional to hope too fancifully, don’t you think? Again, I guess I
can only keep on keeping on…
Sporting wise: when COVID-19 first started getting serious,
I vaguely remember
Unfortunately, this year was the first year when the poor
Broncos collected the wooden spoon. *cringe* We’d started the year so well,
too, with consecutive wins … Well next year we’ve got a new coach; hopefully
we’ll lift the premiership trophy come 2021! The last time we won was back in
2006 … we had a real shot several years ago but then idiot Ben Hunt dropped the
ball from the kickoff and gifted the Cowboys with a perfect field goal shot
attempt and trust JT to nail it perfectly … XD On a brighter note, I’m very
relieved that the Maroons have regained the Origin shield! After
Everything else wise: last year, I was exploding with
excitement that Minions2 was coming to the cinemas come June/July 2020; firstly
because everyone who only knows me very slightly should be totally aware that
I’m simply besotted with the yellow, jellybean-shaped minions of Despicable Me
and secondly because the friend who’d taken me to see the first Minions movie
in GOLD CLASS had promised to do so again when the second movie. Unfortunately,
because of COVID-19, the release date was pushed back one year but that’s
alright because that means I can be infatuated with those stupid little
creatures for one more year! (I call them stupid because even though they try
so hard to be evil they’re just so bloody incompetent they screw up everything
they’re trying to muck up XD) I suppose after Minions2 comes out that’ll be the
end of the franchise; it’s been one whole DECADE since the first Despicable Me
movie came out and I suppose it’s time for me to find something new to be
obsessed about. XD Even the little kids at church know that Aunty Em loves the
minions! XD
One thing that I shared about in my Xmas Greetings to
everyone this year was the scary traffic incident my carer Hannah and I were
involved in back in like June. When we were T-boned (silly Hannah had forgotten
to check both ways before turning) I honestly thought it was gonna be the end
for me, that precisely at that moment a car was gonna zoom up Underwood Rd and
hit our car; I’d die coz I was sitting in the death/passenger seat. I’ve read
before that for some people, their entire life flashes before their eyes; since
I’m slow (mother honestly LEMME GET DROPPED ON MY HEAD AS A BABY XD and then
the cruel and unfaithful God totally destroyed my life with the disabling brain
injury ><) nothing went through my head except “Oh sh*t, the next car
that comes zooming up Underwood Rd’s gonna hit me and I’m gonna die because I’m
sitting in the death seat … gosh I hope it won’t hurt and I hope it’ll be over
quickly … dad I love you the most, forever; will you be okay without me? Mother,
you’ll be fine, knowing you, you’ll prolly chuck a party and invite everyone to
attend that you’ve got your life back coz since you’re always bitching at me
that since you’ve gotta drive me to appointments/whatnot you don’t have a
social life anymore, but I’ve always been a complete daddy’s girl and he might
just miss me some, you know? Please be nice to my dearest dad after I’m gone!
That’s actually the third
My second
In my Xmas Greetings to everyone last year, I’d shared with
everyone how delighted I was that I’d finally achieved the TWENTY-FIFTH time
that year where I’d achieved one straight week of consecutive awesome sleeps
(where I bid my teddy sweet dreams, fell asleep and didn’t wake again until the
Sun had risen sufficiently for me to see the time on the clock mounted on the
wall; I’m ridiculously short-sighted and without my glasses if you gave me a
sheet of A4 paper with font size twelve writing to read I’d haveta hold the
paper so close – literally touching my nose – to be able to read it). This
year, I’m terribly excited to report that I’ve actually managed to exceed that;
I’ve somehow managed to achieve one straight week of awesome sleeps TH
Ohh!! Several years ago, in my Xmas Greetings I remember
sharing with everyone about how I’d finally started dreaming again. Nice,
normal dreams, not the horrifying nightmares that cruel and unfaithful God
continuously and plagued me with back when I was still imprisoned in the insane
asylum. What frustrated me immensely was that in my dreams, I never reached the
FOOD. You know the saying ‘the way to my heart is through my stomach’? Well, my
personal version is: ‘the way to my heart is through my stomach. Feed me and I
will love you forever.’ XD Many dreams I *nearly* reached the food but always
woke up before finally stuffing it into my mouth! My fat tummy was so mad with
me that one morning, after I’d woken up whilst dreaming I was walking to a SEAFOOD
BUFFET to get some food she threatened to throw up! Me: ah, I’ve not eaten
since dinner last night. You’re empty; I don’t think you’ve got anything to
chuck up. XD But I was fast losing hope because so many times I’d come so close
and yet was still so far … My Toastmasters friend Steph encouraged me to dare
to keep dreaming because she believed I would reach the food one day and this
year, I finally DID!! :D I think this year I enjoyed three dreams where I was
happily stuffing my gob. XD When I finally, finally reached the food in my
dreams, the next day I was so excited that when I logged into Facebook I
immediately opened Messenger and SCREAMED st Steph, I FINA
On the topic of dreams, this year I didn’t start dreaming
until January the 20th but ended up remembering and recording
seventy-four dreams! The oddest one was how I’d somehow became the PRIME
This year, the parents started demanding that I get my own
cutlery before every meal. Fair enough; since I’m practically too disabled to
participate in any meal preparation and cooking myself I suppose the least I
can do is get myself cutlery, right? I decided that every month, I’d just hope
for *one* little day where I’m exempt from getting myself cutlery for *any*
three meals of the day! I’ve had spectacular success with that; while many days
this year I’ve had to get myself cutlery for one/two meals, somehow I’ve
managed to evade getting myself cutlery for ALL THREE MEALS in one day! :D Not
expecting my good luck to continue; will prolly haveta begin 2021 by
immediately having to get myself cutlery for all three meals. XDQ
Have I reflected enough about 2020? It’s just past
Am I supposed to make any New Years’ resolutions?
Apparently, most of them get broken in the first month of the new year anyway.
XD
Obviously I hope next year I’ll manage to remain upright all
year and not fall over like I was idiotic enough to do twice this year! Right
now though I’m still enjoying my two weeks of annual leave; should you come
over and suggest I do any therapy for you I will either (1) politely ignore you
or (2) politely pretend that you don’t exist. XD
Will haveta chase up Axiom College (I’m doing the online
study through them) very early next year and see can I get them to lemme resume
online study. Still hoping I’ll find steady, paid work next year; remember, I’m
willing to do ANYTHING (even wash toilets XD) as long as I can do it whilst
seated and it gets me paid properly. If you’re curious, last time I checked I typed
at 31WPM with 100% accuracy using one hand.
Wonder when the COVID-19 vaccine will get rolled out? Would
love for this pandemic to blow over and normal international travel to resume;
if I can ever get my hands on an outdoors electric wheelchair I can finally
return to Hong Kong and visit all my beloved and awesome friends!
Less than ten minutes till 2021 arrives … guess I’ll wrap up
these 2021 reflections here! What a year it’s been! Hoping 2021 will be just as
fun and eventful but less dangerous. XD Sorry for not proofreading this post
properly first, it’s nearly midnight! Should you read these reflections and
come across any mistakes please Facebook Messenger me and I’ll correct the
mistake. XD
Next post here … well, if anything happens toms I suppose I
can blog about New Years’ Day but if not, I suppose I’ll just cya when I cya!
Cheers,
Em. ^^
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