2020 Reflections

 

Whoops again this year I’ve been unorganised; 2021 arrives in just a little over seven hours time and I’m only starting to pen (well, type XD) my reflections for 2020 now! So, how has this year been for me?

Physically wise: unfortunately, after not suffering a proper ‘fall’ for the past two years (although I did slip down on the wet tiled floor once and trip forward and right kneeplant – thankfully not faceplant XD - near the kitchen bench another time) this year has been third time UNlucky for me, because I was idiotic enough to totally stack it not once but TWICE. >< At least both times I remembered to lean forward as I was going down and didn’t SMASH my head against the wall behind me… but I totally agree with the headline I saw on Sunrise today while I was eating breakfast: “2020: A YEAR WE’D RATHER FORGET …” One good thing for me physically wise this year was that I started walking laps around the Great Court at UQ! When my physio student first proposed that to me, I was like, “Uh, but since I walk so slowly nowadays, by the time I walk up to the Great Court it’ll be time to walk back down to the NAB and say bye.” Only then my current physio student (they have five week rotational blocks) said, “No, see this manual wheelchair here? You sit in it, I’ll wheel you up to the Great Court, you get out and walk one lap around the Great Court before you sit back down in the wheelchair and I’ll push you back to the NAB.” The first time I did this, after I arrived back to the NAB, I’d excitedly burbled to the teacher, “Where I walked around today was where I used to take uni classes coz I studied law before suffering the brain injury! My last year here was in 2006; it’s 2020 now but the place still looks exactly the same!” Sonia laughed and told me, “Em, it’s been exactly the same ever since I graduated from there back in 1988. Tell me, where you even born then?” I’d smirked back at her and shot back, “Of course I was! In 1988, I was the ripe old age of … ONE.” XD Hopefully when I have physio next year at the NAB I’ll get to hike around the Great Court again!

Work wise: last year, the disability employment service I was with started me on some cert two/four in office admin that I paid like forty bucks for but then ditched me; I tried to continue the study myself but was slow. The student support person I was liasing with said he’d keep giving me extensions provided I submitted one subject per month; near the end of the month I logged in with the intention of completing another unit only to find I’d already been locked out! I contacted student support explaining my situation and asking could my account please be reactivated so I could keep continuing study; someone said someone from student services would contact me but nobody ever did … hmm, early next year I must try contacting them again and chase what happened to my enrolment … remember, I’m willing to do ANYTHING as long as I can do it seated and it gets me paid properly … if you need further information, the last time I checked I typed at 31 WPM with one hand at 100% accuracy.

Spiritually wise: this year, I followed a Bible reading plan where I read the entire Bible in one year. I tried that once with Fiona So two years ago but gave myself a break from it last year because I already signup for three different daily devotions. This year I decided to try again to read the entire Bible in one year. I’m not sure why … perhaps I was subconsciously hoping to find out why the cruel and unfaithful God hated me and what I’d haveta do for Him to love me and restore my life back to me again? I guess the only thing I can say to that’s if you don’t expect anything, you can’t be disappointed … time and time again, God’s not come through for me. As I read through all the books this year, I was just struck again and again with how much I dislike G od. You know how Paul (I think it’s him) says somewhere in the Bible that if God’s for us, then who can be against us? My immediate thought reaction to that sentence was but if God’s against you then you are just totally SCREWED. People like Pharaoh when Moses was with the Egyptians. Sure the Bible says that sometimes Pharaoh hardened his own heart and wouldn’t let God’s people go, but other times, it was God Himself who hardened Pharaoh’s heart! Meaning poor Pharaoh was condemned right from the very beginning coz the cruel and unfaithful God denied him the chance to let the Israelites go … Or people like Job’s children, who all perished because God allowed Satan to wreak havoc on Job’s life, so long as Satan didn’t touch Job himself. Can you imagine Job’s kids arriving before the throne of judgement and asking God in confusion, “What happened? Life was going great … and then suddenly my life ended?” I can just see the cruel and unfaithful God offhandedly replying, “Oh, I just wanted to test your dad out. Your life didn’t matter whatsoever, so I offed you to see how he would react.” *sigh* I seriously hope accepting that God sent His Son Jesus down to Earth to die for your sins is enough to get you into heaven. Hopefully you aren’t required to love God because if that’s a requirement before you’re allowed into heaven for all eternity I hope someone will please teach me how to love the God who’s so wantonly and totally destroyed my life back in 2007 with the disabling brain injury because the correct response to Someone who’s totally destroyed your life surely isn’t adoration but hatred! Somewhere in the Bible it says that we love because God first loved us. Well, I hate God only because I found out how much He hated me. I never hated anyone until I discovered God’s hatred; I only know how to hate because of God’s hatred. I’m only good at hating because God showed me exactly how much He hated me. I can only laugh inside when anybody tries telling me that God loves me because if He truly loves me, He’s got a damn awful way of showing it … suppose all I can do’s keep on keeping on; like I’m sure I’ve said before I can’t jolly well commit apostasy, convert to say Islam and still hope to spend eternity in heaven with my most beloved maternal grandma. By next September, it’ll have been five years since EM had a church camp where the speaker was Steve Nation; I missed the majority of his final talk on Sunday morning because I was having a D&M with his wife Kei Ying. When I got a bit tearful and explained to her that I couldn’t reconcile the God who ‘claims’ He’s faithful, loving and whatnot with the God I’ve experienced, she suggested I try praying to God to ‘bridge the gap’, you know, God this is what You seem like to me but this is how You portray Yourself in the Bible; can You please show me how you really are? I’ve taken her advice; every night before I hit the sack I beg God to please ‘bridge the gap’, to please show me apparently what you really are. Could you please just hit me with a revelation? Let me just suddenly understand that you are faithful, you are loving, you are kind, you are compassionate, you are healing, you are everything You claim to be but I don’t see you being; please just let me get it like that! But if you won’t do it that way, then do it slowly, do it incrementally, but please don’t not do it, because this is my life You are wasting here! I’ve already said if you don’t expect anything you can’t be disappointed only I keep hoping beyond all hope that one day in the very near future everything will fall back into place and God will restore my life back to me. Sure, it’s alright to hope but it’s just delusional to hope too fancifully, don’t you think? Again, I guess I can only keep on keeping on…

Sporting wise: when COVID-19 first started getting serious, I vaguely remember Japan insisting that the 2020 Olympics would still go ahead; in the end, I think it’s now being postponed to 2021? Unsure how they’re going to organise all the two week self isolation period and contact tracing stuff … I vaguely remember hearing that all the athletes who’d already qualified for the 2020 Olympics would automatically requalify for the 2021 event; I suppose that’s fair but will any athletes that didn’t qualify originally miss out if they’ll suddenly reach their peak in time for the 2021 Olympics?

Unfortunately, this year was the first year when the poor Broncos collected the wooden spoon. *cringe* We’d started the year so well, too, with consecutive wins … Well next year we’ve got a new coach; hopefully we’ll lift the premiership trophy come 2021! The last time we won was back in 2006 … we had a real shot several years ago but then idiot Ben Hunt dropped the ball from the kickoff and gifted the Cowboys with a perfect field goal shot attempt and trust JT to nail it perfectly … XD On a brighter note, I’m very relieved that the Maroons have regained the Origin shield! After Queensland won EIGHT CONSECUTIVE YEARS, the smelly Blues managed to scrape *two* consecutive years and they were already so cocky! Please note that for our eight year winning streak we were ALWAYS HUMBLE, giving the Blues credit for the competition they had provided but when NSW managed to win one year after already winning the previous year they were immediately so UP THEMSELVES, going on about themselves like they’re the next best thing since sliced bread! Public enemy number one Paul Gallen even had the audacity to claim that the Maroons team for 2020 were the ‘worst he’d ever seen’; I really laughed my head off when the Queensland captain Daly Cherry-Evans (my cheeky/nasty mother likes to call him Daly Cherry-Blossom XD) lifted the Origin shield on behalf of the ‘worst team ever’! Please note that our ‘worst team ever’ still managed to regain the Origin shield; fingers crossed that we can deny the smelly Blues the trophy for another eight years at least! XD

Everything else wise: last year, I was exploding with excitement that Minions2 was coming to the cinemas come June/July 2020; firstly because everyone who only knows me very slightly should be totally aware that I’m simply besotted with the yellow, jellybean-shaped minions of Despicable Me and secondly because the friend who’d taken me to see the first Minions movie in GOLD CLASS had promised to do so again when the second movie. Unfortunately, because of COVID-19, the release date was pushed back one year but that’s alright because that means I can be infatuated with those stupid little creatures for one more year! (I call them stupid because even though they try so hard to be evil they’re just so bloody incompetent they screw up everything they’re trying to muck up XD) I suppose after Minions2 comes out that’ll be the end of the franchise; it’s been one whole DECADE since the first Despicable Me movie came out and I suppose it’s time for me to find something new to be obsessed about. XD Even the little kids at church know that Aunty Em loves the minions! XD

 

One thing that I shared about in my Xmas Greetings to everyone this year was the scary traffic incident my carer Hannah and I were involved in back in like June. When we were T-boned (silly Hannah had forgotten to check both ways before turning) I honestly thought it was gonna be the end for me, that precisely at that moment a car was gonna zoom up Underwood Rd and hit our car; I’d die coz I was sitting in the death/passenger seat. I’ve read before that for some people, their entire life flashes before their eyes; since I’m slow (mother honestly LEMME GET DROPPED ON MY HEAD AS A BABY XD and then the cruel and unfaithful God totally destroyed my life with the disabling brain injury ><) nothing went through my head except “Oh sh*t, the next car that comes zooming up Underwood Rd’s gonna hit me and I’m gonna die because I’m sitting in the death seat … gosh I hope it won’t hurt and I hope it’ll be over quickly … dad I love you the most, forever; will you be okay without me? Mother, you’ll be fine, knowing you, you’ll prolly chuck a party and invite everyone to attend that you’ve got your life back coz since you’re always bitching at me that since you’ve gotta drive me to appointments/whatnot you don’t have a social life anymore, but I’ve always been a complete daddy’s girl and he might just miss me some, you know? Please be nice to my dearest dad after I’m gone!

 

That’s actually the third NDE I’ve survived. The first one happened when I was still inside mother’s tummy; I’d been such a messy sleeper even before I was born I’d kicked and twisted around so much I’d actually caught my umbilical cord around my neck and was STRANGLING myself! O_o Luckily mother could sense something was wrong and saw the doctor; even when the doctor said to mother go home nothing’s wrong your baby will come out in one week or so mother INSISTED something was wrong and the doctor had better find out what! The doctor consented and hooked mother up to some monitor that listened to my heartbeat for one hour and mother’s suspicions were confirmed; after fasting for eight hours she went under the knife and I was born by emergency caesarean section. Meaning I owe my life to mother more than the usual ‘I owe my life to my parents because they copulated together and made me’.

My second NDE happened in 2007, when the cruel and unfaithful God totally destroyed my life with the disabling brain injury. People have told me before that I’m lucky to still be alive and surely I am, but seriously, what kinda life is this? Surely, surely, LESS of a life; were I an ostrich I’d like nothing better than to stick my head into the sand and DENY that even this world exists … only that’s not gonna work, is it? I’m not THAT far removed from reality! XD I’d always been nervous (well, terrified XD) that the cruel and unfaithful God would go third time lucky and do me in; when mother once heard me say that, she laughed, jeered and scoffed at me, saying that God doesn’t need three chances because what He wants happens right away … well this year I’ve survived my third NDE, meaning that God really didn’t do me in. hopefully that means I’m gonna live a long life; I’ve always said I don’t plan to kick the bucket until I receive the letter from the monarch of England (presumably King George?) congratulating me on reaching the ripe old age of 100! I’ll go peacefully in my sleep that night, but not before then, alright?? XD

In my Xmas Greetings to everyone last year, I’d shared with everyone how delighted I was that I’d finally achieved the TWENTY-FIFTH time that year where I’d achieved one straight week of consecutive awesome sleeps (where I bid my teddy sweet dreams, fell asleep and didn’t wake again until the Sun had risen sufficiently for me to see the time on the clock mounted on the wall; I’m ridiculously short-sighted and without my glasses if you gave me a sheet of A4 paper with font size twelve writing to read I’d haveta hold the paper so close – literally touching my nose – to be able to read it). This year, I’m terribly excited to report that I’ve actually managed to exceed that; I’ve somehow managed to achieve one straight week of awesome sleeps THIRTY-ONE times!! :D I’m just so sodding relieved that I get such good quality sleep nowadays; while I don’t think I’ll ever just ‘get over’ the trauma of the hellish days, weeks and months I spent in the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra hospital XD when the cruel and unfaithful God plagued me nightly with multiple horrifying nightmares I can only hope He’s found someone He hates more than He hates me and will go destroy their life and leave me alone to pick up the shattered shards of my life …

Ohh!! Several years ago, in my Xmas Greetings I remember sharing with everyone about how I’d finally started dreaming again. Nice, normal dreams, not the horrifying nightmares that cruel and unfaithful God continuously and plagued me with back when I was still imprisoned in the insane asylum. What frustrated me immensely was that in my dreams, I never reached the FOOD. You know the saying ‘the way to my heart is through my stomach’? Well, my personal version is: ‘the way to my heart is through my stomach. Feed me and I will love you forever.’ XD Many dreams I *nearly* reached the food but always woke up before finally stuffing it into my mouth! My fat tummy was so mad with me that one morning, after I’d woken up whilst dreaming I was walking to a SEAFOOD BUFFET to get some food she threatened to throw up! Me: ah, I’ve not eaten since dinner last night. You’re empty; I don’t think you’ve got anything to chuck up. XD But I was fast losing hope because so many times I’d come so close and yet was still so far … My Toastmasters friend Steph encouraged me to dare to keep dreaming because she believed I would reach the food one day and this year, I finally DID!! :D I think this year I enjoyed three dreams where I was happily stuffing my gob. XD When I finally, finally reached the food in my dreams, the next day I was so excited that when I logged into Facebook I immediately opened Messenger and SCREAMED st Steph, I FINALLY REACHED THE FOOD!!! Then I came to my senses, greeted her more appropriately with good afternoon and then calmly explained why I’d been that excited. XD Steph was awesome, saying I knew you’d do it and then suggested I share this achievement at our next Toastmasters meeting! See, the club I’ve attended since like 2012 is called Young Achievers at QUT; a club tradition’s that at the beginning of every meeting, there’s a call for achievements, where members and guests are invited to share what they’ve achieved since the last meeting. It can be something huge like I’ve just finished my PhD or something tiny like I lost my keys but I finally found them. Obviously I politely declined her suggestion, that achievement just sounds silly. XD 

On the topic of dreams, this year I didn’t start dreaming until January the 20^th but ended up remembering and recording seventy-four dreams! The oddest one was how I’d somehow became the PRIME MINISTER of NEW ZEALAND. XD The funniest one was how I wasn’t disabled anymore; instead I was walking along the tarmac with my small group members along some tarmac for our SKY DIVING trip! See, the lads from my small group are crazy; every now and again one will suggest let’s go skydiving for our next small group social! Me: ah, no thanks guys; I’m honestly TERRIFIED of heights; you’ll haveta push me screaming outta the plane and afterwards you’ll haveta gimme a burial coz I’ll have perished from a heart attack. XD In this dream we’re all walking the tarmac ready to board the plane for our skydiving trip and I’m feeling nervous (well alright, terrified XD) about my imminent death. Suddenly the dream fast forwards and now we’re all walking away, having finished the skydiving trip! Only I’m still alive … figured I must’ve clung to the sides of the plane hard enough and screamed with terror loud enough for my small group members to change their minds about pushing me outta the plane. XD

This year, the parents started demanding that I get my own cutlery before every meal. Fair enough; since I’m practically too disabled to participate in any meal preparation and cooking myself I suppose the least I can do is get myself cutlery, right? I decided that every month, I’d just hope for *one* little day where I’m exempt from getting myself cutlery for *any* three meals of the day! I’ve had spectacular success with that; while many days this year I’ve had to get myself cutlery for one/two meals, somehow I’ve managed to evade getting myself cutlery for ALL THREE MEALS in one day! :D Not expecting my good luck to continue; will prolly haveta begin 2021 by immediately having to get myself cutlery for all three meals. XDQ

Have I reflected enough about 2020? It’s just past 11pm now; I’m tuning into ABC’s livestream and right now Sydney’s fireworks are exploding all over the place coz they’re one hour ahead of us.

Am I supposed to make any New Years’ resolutions? Apparently, most of them get broken in the first month of the new year anyway. XD

Obviously I hope next year I’ll manage to remain upright all year and not fall over like I was idiotic enough to do twice this year! Right now though I’m still enjoying my two weeks of annual leave; should you come over and suggest I do any therapy for you I will either (1) politely ignore you or (2) politely pretend that you don’t exist. XD

Will haveta chase up Axiom College (I’m doing the online study through them) very early next year and see can I get them to lemme resume online study. Still hoping I’ll find steady, paid work next year; remember, I’m willing to do ANYTHING (even wash toilets XD) as long as I can do it whilst seated and it gets me paid properly. If you’re curious, last time I checked I typed at 31WPM with 100% accuracy using one hand.

Wonder when the COVID-19 vaccine will get rolled out? Would love for this pandemic to blow over and normal international travel to resume; if I can ever get my hands on an outdoors electric wheelchair I can finally return to Hong Kong and visit all my beloved and awesome friends!

Less than ten minutes till 2021 arrives … guess I’ll wrap up these 2021 reflections here! What a year it’s been! Hoping 2021 will be just as fun and eventful but less dangerous. XD Sorry for not proofreading this post properly first, it’s nearly midnight! Should you read these reflections and come across any mistakes please Facebook Messenger me and I’ll correct the mistake. XD

Next post here … well, if anything happens toms I suppose I can blog about New Years’ Day but if not, I suppose I’ll just cya when I cya!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

Christmas And Boxing Day 2020

 

Well, that’s the silly season over and done with for 2020. Here’s how I spent it:

Christmas Day: even the Christmas before I was born, when I was still inside mother’s tummy, I attended church. Mother insists that we attend church every Christmas Day and every year, come December the 25^th, our family will be attending some church service. I know of people who aren’t regular church-goers but they too will attend church for Christmas day. This year, however, marked the very first year where we didn’t attend church on Christmas Day. Since BCAC doesn’t have a Christmas service, for many years we’ve always attended the one at Redeemer Lutheran College. Only this year, due to COVID-19, it either wasn’t on/dad was afraid about community transmission and wouldn’t drive mother there. May I say it was a novelty not having to attend church for Christmas without getting lambasted? Like, not having to sing any songs that I mean nothing of the words I’m singing (like, if we’re singing about how God’s powerful and all-knowing you can’t deny that, but if I’m singing that God’s loving/compassionate/whatever that’s just a load of bullcrap from my experience ><) The parents did find a service livestream to attend, somewhere in Hebron. Since I only did geography for six months twenty years ago, got a B- and never touched the subject again, I’ve got schocking geography skills and dunno where hardly any country is. Hebron … umm, isn’t that like in Israel? If so, how could mother have found a livestream Christmas service to watch there? Apart from New Zealand, every place is behind Australia timewise and would it even be Christmas Day there yet? When they parents turned up the volume of the livestream really loud, I pushed my bedroom door closed because I’d planned to continue sleeping for a bit more. However, only several minutes later, mother pushed open my bedroom door and tried to gimme some eye goo (I wear eyegel for my right eye because post disabling brain injury my right eyelid cannot fully shut; the eye gel just keeps my eye lubricated). I mutter sleepily @ her, “I thought you said you’d help me up after you and dad finished watching service. It must’ve been a really short service, if you’re already in my room?”

Mother screeches back at me, “We started watching the service but then they had technical difficulties and the livestream was cut!”

Well, I couldn’t do anything about that, but my sleep-in plan was cancelled. No biggie.

After getting myself mostly independently kitted for the day, I brush teeth, use the bathroom and head out to the dining room for breakfast. Ooh, how fancy, dad’s cooked omelette and toast; that’s usually Saturday’s special breakfast!

Breakfast finished, I use the bathroom, then sit at the computer and read my daily Bible passages (I’m followingf a Bible reading plan where I’ll read the entire Bible in one year) before tootling online for myself. Usually channels Seven and Nine have a morning news bulletin @ 11am/11:30am on the weekdays but there was nothing today … presuming coz it was Christmas and therefore a public holiday?

 

When the parents summoned me for lunch, I used the bathroom and then joined them at the dining table. Breakfast was great but I was a lil disappointed at lunch: after getting myself a spoon for lunch, mother placed a bowl of boiled, bland and practically tasteless rice leftovers in front of me. XD

Lunch over, I took my bowl over to the sink and returned online. Dad washed the dishes and mother headed upstairs to hit the sack for her long afternoon nap, which often stretches until the Sun has set and it’s night.

I literally sat in front of the computer until dinner was called! For some reason, mother restricts me to only a PISSY two hours of internet time per day; believe me, it’s hardly enough time to check my e-mail, use Facebook, blog and play my favourite game, Bejeweled. Still, I’m careful never to exceed two hours, because if mother catches me doing that, she’ll use it as reason to deny me the full two hours another day. Once my most important two hours of the day are up, I usually just open a Microsoft Word document open and write. Blog posts, GCCW homework, whatever catches my fancy.

·                     When I’m summoned over for dinner, I grab myself a spoon and join the parents at the dining table.Dinner was rice, lotsa yummy cauliflower, one tiny strip of chicken, two wee slices of cheese and some pork. Dinner was spooned down with one bowl of soup; after I took my bowl over to the sink I returned online, visiting the bathroom once more @ 9pm and then letting mother boot me off to bed @ the ridiculously early time of 9:45pm. All in all, a very quiet Christmas.

Boxing Day: another awesome night’s sleep for me, since after I bid my teddy sweet dreams and fell asleep, I didn’t wake again until 5:25am. One of my favourite thing about the Summer months are how early the Sun rises; come the middle of Winter, it’s often pitch black until like 6:30am!

That morning, when mother lets herself into my room to gimme some eye gel, I immediately sit up, give her a great big hug and wish her a very happy birthday!

Since it’s Saturday, dad cooks omelette for breakfast, and I munch some on one slice of dry (unbuttered) toast. After a bathroom trip, we hit the Boxing Day sales! My heart sinks when dad refuses to put my manual wheelchair into the boot, which means that even before our shopping trip has started, my day has been ruined. See, nowadays I walk with the intention of reaching the next place where I can sit down and be safe; without my manual wheelchair to sit and enjoy windowshopping/browsing at things I will only keep walking and hopefully find the next place where I may sit. *sigh*

To avoid all the really big crowded places, dad tootles mother and I off to somewhere like Wynnum Plaza! He says he wants to see if he can find me a pair of sneakers. See, nowadays I usually wear a pair of sturdy hiking sneakers, coz since I must wear an orthotic left foot if I am to walk at all, the shoe must be very sturdy around the sides. Dad found one pair he wanted me to try; I obediently plodded a lap aaround the store before reporting that the sole of the shoe seemed very thin. Like, I remember trying on new shoes in years past where I was immediately struck with how padded the new shoe was! Don’t they only wear thin after you’ve worn them for awhile?

Because of that, I didn’t buy the shoes. Instead, dad tootled us off to another shopping centre, this one that actually had retailers. I ducked into Big W and bought two new books, since my Australian godmother had sent me a thirty dollar gift voucher. I bought Jodi Picoult’s latest novel and Barack Obama’s memoirs!

Lunch was by some river? Dad had brought a whole eski of foodstuffs and made us healthy salad sandwiches for lunch.

Next

 

Our last stop was some electrical appliance store like JB HI-FI, coz mother needed to buy herself a new mobile. Ever since the beginning of the year, she’d reported that her phone was playing up and slowly dying … only by Boxing Day, it still hadn’t karked it! In the end, mother lost patience and just bought herself a new smartphone. XD Dad dropped mother off at the entrance and then parked all the way at the very end of the carpark, before insisting I walk all the way to the store with him. When I finally arrive, mother appears and orders me to walk all the way back to the car! Dunno what was with that … *sigh*

Anyway, thus ended our shopping trip! Dad tootled us home, mother hit the sack and I tootled online.

Later, I showered, and after dinner, I opened my Christmas presents! My favourite one was one from Kim; she’d found me a minion snow globe! All in all, a good day~

Apologies for any spelling/grammatical mistakes you found in this post; I’ve been slack because it’s already the 30^th! Must publish this tonight and tomorrow bash out my Reflections for 2020, coz it’s NYE tomorrow! Cheers~

XMas Greetings 2020

 Heylo everybody! We started a new decade this year; hope 2020 has been as eventful for you as it has been for me!

 

For my dearest dad, work is busiest for him around December. Often, he’ll not arrive home from work until like 8pm! Conversely, January becomes the quiet time for the company he works for and often dad will take a week’s break and he, mother and I will all go for a short holiday somewhere.

This year, when mother started researching around where we could go holiday, she originally reported to dad and I, “Every where’s on fire!” Remember how much of the country had been impacted by devastating bushfires at the beginning of the year? Many places had been affected by the bushfires and many tourist destinations had been closed. Eventually, she decided that Adelaide was less burnt than other places like Queensland and booked us to go down there for just under one week.

We spent three nights in one motel and the other three in another. The first place we stayed at gave us two beds between three people: a queen-sized sofa bed and a king-sized other bed! My dearest dad took the queen-sized sofa bed for himself, instructing mother and I to share the king-sized bed. That first night, after we’d both climbed into bed, mother and I both marvelled at how big the bed was. The next morning, when mother rolled outta bed and entered the bathroom to go brush teeth, I luxuriated in having a KING-SIZED BED ALL TO MYSELF and curiously spread-eagled myself to see if I could touch the edges of the bed. Then I excitedly screeched, “Mother! Come look!”

Mother appears with toothbrush sticking outta her mouth. “What?”

“Oh mum, how cool’s this: the king-sized bed’s so massive that even when I spreadeagle myself I can’t touch the edges!” I beam at her. Mother just laughs at me for being so easily excitable. XD

After our nearing-weeklong holiday, back home in Brisbane I experimentally spreadeagle myself again. Bang! My arm and leg immediately hit the wall.  When mother enters my room in the morning, I mock-whine at her, “Mother, I thought you got me a king bed too, but how come when I try to spreadeagle myself my left arm and leg immediately hit the wall? Didn’t you buy me a king bed??” Mother just smirks right back at me. “Sure I did. King SINGLE.” XD

 

For the past five/six years, I’ve shared lunch with my church pastor and his wife once a week. Well, Pastor Grace mostly, and Pastor Chris when he’s free. We’ve been meeting regularly ever since their daughter was in her baby stroller and look – she’s just started primary school this year!

At Rice Paper Vietnamese Cuisine, we all spend some time browsing the menu. In the end, Pastor Chris and I select the same dish: stir-fry chicken ho fan coz great minds obviously think alike, don’tcha reckon? XD

I suppose our dishes arrive simultaneously because we ordered the same thing. I’ve picked up my fork, said itadakimasu and am just about to start digging in when Pastor Chris sticks his palm literally centimetres from my face and commands, “STOP.”

I literally just freeze; for a split second I honestly think he’s going to gimme like a death sentence! XD

You see, Pastor Chris is usually a gentle, soft-spoken man. Usually, the most authoritative thing you hear coming from his mouth’s something like, “Guys, after service today please clear the hall immediately because the ushers need to reset the hall for baptism, etc.” but what I heard from him that day was absolutely a *direct order* and I honestly just froze!

I’m looking at Pastor Chris like a deer caught in the headlights; he’s holding his fork also, and he waves it in the direction to the side of my plate. My eyes follow the direction of the movement and cripes – on the side of the plate is a handful of crushed NUTS!

Some may know that I’ve had a mild nut allergy from birth. Luckily, it’s not severe; should I come into accidental contact with any nuts I won’t go into anaphylaxis and die in three minutes without an EpiPen; just gimme some water and be prepared for some very swollen lips after about ten minutes but I’ll be alright afterwards.

I’m like, “Woah, I totally didn’t see; thanks for noticing! Um, should I just like scrape them onto the table?” Pastor Chris says he’ll take it, so I push my plate towards him and just sit back and watch as he carefully scoops and picks out all the nuts, before instructing me to start eating from the other side of the plate, where there were no nuts. He’s done a perfect job; I finish the dish and detect zero traces of nuts whatsoever. Thanks also to Pastor Grace who contacts me that afternoon just to check I’m fine after potentially ingesting some nuts. I’m very grateful to be part of a loving church family who always keeps an eye out for each other. Still, I don’t mind if I never hear Pastor Chris’ Voice of Authority ever again; I’m potentially the wimpiest person in existence and when he like stuck his palm in my face and ordered STOP it honestly frightened the living daylights outta me! XD

 

I can’t help it. From the moment I wake up, till my head touches the pillow at night, I’m freaked out that I’ll fall over. That’s because the cruel and unfaithful God has left me so frigging disabled that were I stupid enough to fall over, I simply wouldn’t have the capability to get myself back upright again; I’d be sitting on my butt on the floor waiting for somebody to come across to where I’ve fallen and then hold out an arm, asking please to be pulled back upright. Every time I sit down, 99.9% of me fast-forwards to when I’ll haveta get up again, that I might fall awkwardly and hurt my right hand/arm. If that were to happen, I’d be beyond screwed, because the right’s my only more-or-less functioning side that I do everything with, and if I were to injure her and take her outta commission too… *shudders at the very thought*

For the past couple of years, I’ve been fortunate enough not to suffer a proper ‘fall’, although I did slip down on the wet tiled floor once and trip forward and right-kneeplant (thankfully not faceplant XD) near the kitchen another time. Third time unlucky for me, then.

I’m having what I rather unflatteringly call a ‘torture’ session’ with my ‘bad’ physio. Have I explained before the difference between my ‘good’ physios and the ‘bad’ physio? I call the physio I do @ the University of Queensland in the NAB clinic my ‘good’ physios. NAB stands for Neurological, Ageing and Balance. I go for the Neurological part because the cruel and unfaithful God smote me down with a brain injury and totally destroyed my life back in 2007 and I go for the Balance part because post disabling brain injury,
I have super sh*tty balance whenever I struggle to walk. I don’t go for the Ageing part because I started doing physio there when I was twenty-one and surely that’s too young to be ageing?? XD

Anyways, the NAB clinic physio students are my ‘good’ physios because they understand how I’m always freaked out about falling and they’ve promised they’ll never lemme fall, because were that to happen, the teacher would see, come over, fail them and make them repeat a whole five weeks here and gosh, they wouldn’t want that to happen! Hence why they’d never lemme fall …

My ‘bad’ physio, however, says he’ll lemme fall; he’ll just make sure I won’t hurt myself if and when I do fall. Well, to date, he’s dropped me for two sprained ankles, oww…

But back to my first fall for 2020. Vincent has my affected hand doing some reaching exercise; he sticks his hand somewhere and I’ve got to get my hand to touch his.

Some may know that post brain injury I’ve developed complete left hemianopia, that is, total loss of left side vision. Vincent knows this full well but chooses to stick his hand to my left side and so far behind me that I’ve gotta lean slightly backwards to reach his hand. Bad move. I must’ve leant too far backwards because the next thing I feel’s me falling backwards. Usually I feel safe falling backwards because you know what they say, right? Fat butt, good cushioning! XD However, since mother is forever harping on at me to lean forward and I remembered her demand so leaned forward as I was going down. ‘Twas a good thing I did too, because as I thunked down my head was literally only centimetres from the wall; had I not leaned forward I’d have *smashed* my head against the wall and goodness knows where I’d be know … probably another stint in the insane asylum (my pet nickname for the Brain Injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra hospital XD); heaven forbid! ><

Seeing as I hadn’t injured myself, Vincent immediately hauls me to my feet and calmly instructs that I continue doing the task I was attempting before I took a tumble. Me, I’m filthy with him, grousing, “You jerk! You lemme fall!” The insufferable man smirks at me. “Yup, you fell like a big wintermelon (say ‘dai dong gua’ in Canto). But you can’t get up me for that, because I’ve only ever promised to catch you if you fell forward and to the left, but you fell backwards and to the right.” Well, there’s no use crying over spilt milk. I can’t change the fact that I totally stacked it in March this year. I probably shouldn’t share how I was idiotic enough to totally stack it again in June and just say I’d best continue working on my mobility and learning how to stay upright!

 

COVID-19’s something that has truly impacted the world this year; even though it started last year things didn’t really start getting bad until this year. I’ll confess to being so stupid I actually naively asked my church friend, “How come I’ve never heard of the first eighteen COVID’s before? I know I’m terribly thick post-stroke, but surely I would’ve heard of one of the previous eighteen COVIDs before this 19^th one came along?” My friend had laughed gently before letting me in on what everybody else was seemingly already aware of. “COVID-19 started in 2019.” Well, duh, of course! Don’t worry, there’s a perfectly legitimate excuse for my stupidity: I really WAS dropped on my head as a baby! XD When things started getting cancelled/moved online left, right and centre, I remember grumbling on Facebook: book club has been cancelled. Toastmasters have been cancelled. Writers group has been moved online. Why can’t blasted physio get cancelled too??  Sheesh, there’s no rest for the weary, honestly. Finally, as the coronavirus situation worsened in Brisbane, even physio was affected. Firstly, hydrotherapy was cancelled because all public pools were closed. I was overjoyed, because (1) I’ve always hated getting wet and (2) I’ve not noticed any physical improvement in me whatsoever after doing this seemingly-useless therapy week after week for mother. Next, my ‘bad’ physio shut down for awhile and again, I was overjoyed because I suppose I was still cranky at him for letting me fall earlier this year. Finally, even my ‘good’ physio went online for awhile using Zoom.

We’ve actually been very lucky in Queensland; while slightly over one thousand cases have been recorded, the death rate has been only in the single digits. Hopefully the vaccine can get rolled out ASAP and things will settle down.

 

About halfway through the year, my ‘good’ physio starts me on a block of intensive physio, where instead of attending once weekly for one hour, I attend thrice weekly for four hours. Wednesdays were a double whammy: two straight hours of physio from 9am till 11am. That meant the carer would come at 8:15am to pick me up and drive me to UQ; normally, trips to UQ only take about twenty-five minutes but a 9am appointment meant I’d most likely get stuck in peak hour traffic so definitely leave by 8:15am.

That fateful morning, when my carer Hannah starts the drive to UQ, for some reason she doesn’t listen to her GPS who says to turn right at the top of Alan Cresc. into Gaskell St. and turns left instead. That’s alright, the GPS is a smart fella; it immediately readjusts her route, telling Hannah to turn right into Underwood Road next. After Hannah checks one side, she starts pulling out into Underwood Rd. when suddenly, BLAM! We get T-boned! Poor Hannah shrieks on impact (which was totally understandable because ‘twas her side of the car that got hit); I didn’t react outwardly but as our car was smashed sideways into the oncoming lane of traffic my immediate thought reaction’s “Oh, sh*t (excuse my French; in my defence I was silent but this was truly what I thought XD) the next car that comes zooming up Underwood Rd.’s gonna hit me and I’m gonna die coz I’m sitting in the death seat … gosh I hope it won’t hurt and it’ll be over quickly … dad, I love you; will you be okay without me? Mother, you’ll be fine without me; knowing you, you’ll prolly chuck a party and invite everyone to come celebrate that you’ve got your life back coz you’re always bitching at me that because you haveta drive me to appointments and whatnot you don’t have a social life anymore, but I’ve always been a complete daddy’s girl and he might just miss me some, you know? Please be nice to my dearest dad after I’m gone!

In the next second the other car has smashed ours across the moving lanes of traffic onto the side of the road; once the car jerks to a stop I realise that somehow, miraculously, I’m still alive. Still, no time to dwell on that; I immediately lean forward, hit the hazard lights and urgently tell Hannah, “I’m uninjured. Are you alright too/should I call the ambulance for you right away?” Poor Hannah immediately burs into tears. “Oh no, it’s all my fault!” She wails. “I forgot to check both ways!”

“NO!” I yell back at her; I needed to know whether or not she had been injured! “That doesn’t matter; tell me NOW; are you hurt??”

When Hannah sobs back she’s fine, I next rip open my bag and grab my mobile, speed dialling for home. No time to worry about Hannah, then. When mother answers, I speak immediately. “Mum, we’re fine,” I begin urgently (didn’t wanna freak her out too badly, see XD), “But Hannah and I just got T-boned at the intersection of Underwood and Gaskell. You’d better get out here right now.” Poor mother must’ve been shocked; she double-checked to make sure that we were both uninjured before saying she’d come out immediately. That call done, I tap a still-wailing Hannah on the shoulder and say gently, “Hey. We need to ring CODA (they’re the company who employs carers like Hannah and sends her to look after me) and let them know what just happened. Will you ring CODA or may I?” Poor Hannah doesn’t stop bawling; I take it to mean that I should ring, then. Dialling their usual number, only when their answering machine kicks in and says opening hours are from 9am till 5pm do I realise that since it’s only just past 8:15am they wouldn’t have opened yet! Luckily, I remember their on-call emergency number too and immediately tried dialling that; you cannot believe how relieved I was when someone answered! I mean, what would I have said if I’d been instructed to leave a message? “Um, hi, good morning, it’s Emily Chan here. Um, Hannah and I just got t-boned at the intersection of Gaskell St. and Underwood Rd.; could someone please come and save us? K, thanks, bye.” XD

As with mother, when Davina answered, I immediately reassured her that we were fine but then added we just got t-boned at the intersection of Underwood Rd. and Gaskell St.; you can probably hear poor Hannah bawling in the background …

Huge thanks to Davina who remained so calm/didn’t lose her head/anything; that really helped me keep myself calm too because honestly, I was freaking out a bit myself! It’s not everyday you get T-boned, you know! XD

After first checking again (just like mother XD) that we were both uninjured, she asked to speak with Hannah. I shook a still wailing Hannah gently on the shoulder and said to her, “Hannah. Hey, it’s gonna be alright. I’ve just rung CODA and Davina wants to talk to you. Just take my mobile and talk to her. It’s gonna be alright.”

As Hannah does so, a uniformed woman rushes up to my car window. “I’m a doctor.” She tells me breathlessly. I’ve just finished the overnight shift and was driving home when I witnessed the crash; I pulled over right away to see if anyone was injured and needed help.” I thanked this lady doctor sincerely and said we were both fine, but that Hannah might be stuck in her seat because the car that had T-boned us had hit near her door. By this time, the driver of the car that had T-boned us had also come over to check that we were okay. Having finished her call with Davina, Hannah passed my mobile back to me, but when the driver of the car that had t-boned us asked were we both alright, she burst into tears again, wailing that the accident was all her fault because she’d forgotten to check both ways before turning … before she could have another meltdown, I quickly enter the conversation, explaining that I’ve got a physical disability and that Hannah’s my carer who was driving me to my appointment this morning. Then I add umm, should someone please call emergency services? We’re both fine but Hannah might be stuck in her seat coz your car t-boned ours near where her car door is… The driver of the car that t-boned us said don’t worry; my wife’s already ringing and help will be on the way very soon. He was actually very nice; since Hannah’s car door had been jammed shut by the force of the impact his car had made with ours, he had opened the rear passenger door, reached around and patted Hannah’s shoulder soothingly until emergency services arrive, lights blazing and sirens wailing. The firies arrive first; seeing the damage done to Hannah’s car door and the fact that she can’t open it and get out prompts the firemen to discuss the need to cut her out. Next the ambos arrive hot on the heels of the fire engine, again with lights blazing and sirens wailing. When the paramedic approaches my open car window, I tell him that we’re both fine but that Hannah’s car door is stuck and she can’t get out. He walks over to Hannah’s side of the car and confirms that with her while pulling at the door. Yup, she’s definitely stuck. Then the ambo comes up with the smart idea of getting Hannah to climb from the driver’s seat into the backseat and exit the car that way! While she’s in the process of doing that, he looks at me. “Stay here,” he instructs. “I’ll come back for you next.” Uh, I’m extremely physically disabled and am in no condition to just open the car door and waltz away without falling flat on my arse? Oh, wait, the ambo doesn’t know that! When he returns for me, he beckons me out. As I’m manoeuvring myself awkwardly from the car I explain to him that I’ve got a pre-existing brain injury that’s totally unrelated to what just happened today and that while I can walk some, I’m just terribly bad at it. The ambo leads me to a waiting stretcher and bids me lie down. Me: ah, aren’t I meant to walk and climb into the ambulance just like how Hannah’s about to do in front of us? You can see that I can walk some, and if mother sees me getting a free ride when I could be walking like everyone else she’ll bite my head off. The paramedic replies yes, but since you walk slowly because of your brain injury it’s best if you just get onto the stretcher and we clear the crash site ASAP because traffic’s already building up around here. Fair enough. I clamber awkwardly onto the stretcher, the ambo loads me into the back of the ambulance and the driver in the front starts driving. I’m presuming we’ll go to the QE2, because that’s where I was carted off to when I first collapsed with my brain injury back in 2007 but then the ambo informs us we’re going to the P.A.

After we arrive, one of the doctors of the emergency department comes over and says he’s just gonna check that we’re both alright. Seeing that Hannah’s closer to him than I am, he starts with her first, tapping here and there, asking does here hurt? Does there hurt? Hannah reported some mild shoulder pain (which was totally understandable, considering we’d been t-boned on her side of the car) and the doctor does some gentle manipulations, again asking his does here hurt and does there hurt questions. Then he gets Hannah to perform movements like standing on one foot with both hands behind your back; I remember thinking gosh I hope he doesn’t ask me to do that coz I’ve obviously got sh*tty balance post brain injury and would most likely just topple over if I attempted such postures! XD

Satisfied that Hannah’s uninjured, the doctor next approaches me. Before he can start tapping my back and asking his does this hurt and does that hurt questions, I quickly explain to the doctor that I’ve got a pre-existing brain injury that’s totally unrelated to what happened today and while I can stand and walk some, I very much doubt I’d be able to do what Hannah just did when she stood on one leg with both hands behind her back and not topple over … luckily, the doctor seemed content to lemme stay seated in the stretcher that the ambo had initially loaded me into while he did his tapping and asking did this hurt and did that hurt questions. He also ran both hands along my four limbs; when he encounters my AFO inside my jeans he pauses; I quickly explain that I wear an orthotic and did he wanna see/take off? Just that if he removed the orthotic I wouldn’t be walking anywhere … I reach over and start rolling up the pant leg, but once the doctor sees the outline of the AFO he goes don’t worry it’s all good.

Deciding that we’re both okay, the doctor goes and prints us both a discharge letter each, before leaving with our thanks and byes. Shortly after, both mother and Davina arrive; Davina to drive Hannah back to our place so she can collect her tank and mother to drive me home. Obviously, the Camry was written off after being T-boned; cars can survive a bruised bum but when I saw a photo of the Camry even I knew he was a goner … the entire side slightly behind the driver’s seat had been crushed in. Still, I’m immensely grateful that Hannah was basically uninjured; had she gone a little slower/the driver that t-boned us been a little quicker; the impact would’ve been precisely over her car door! O_o Cars can be replaced but people can’t …

One more story for 2020: in October, dad suddenly takes mother and I for a short holiday to Ballandean for five days and four nights! You’ve never heard of the place before either? XD It’s somewhere  near Stanthorpe.

It’s also very close to the border of QLD and NSW; one day, we had lunch at a café that was actually right along the border, meaning part of the café was in NSW and the other part was in QLD! After the obligatory photo with one foot in either state, to get back to our rented car, we had to walk a short distance inside enemy territory to reach where we’d parked our rented car. Obviously post disabling brain injury I walk very slowly – I’m just grateful that I can walk at all, considering the cruel and unfaithful God had originally intended for me to not even stand again, let alone walk >< - but you can bet for the about five minutes when I was walking inside enemy territory I tried to ambulate as fast as I was able; I was rather apprehensive that suddenly a policeman would come flying out of somewhere, crash tackle me to the ground and have me stranded behind enemy lines forever! Phew, I’m safely back in Queensland now … XD

 

Well it’s exactly two weeks until the 25^th; I just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year. Obviously 2020 has been unlike any other year we’ve ever experienced, but I hope your 2021 will be filled with lotsa fun and adventure! Thankfully with the technology available to everyone nowadays it’s much easier to stay in touch so I look forward to remaining in contact with everyone over the next year, whether it be in-person or just via the internet.

The second year of the new decade awaits!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

P.S. Next post here … prolly a post detailing how I spent Christmas and Boxing Day this year~