2017 Reflections

Just like that, another year has gone! Time sure flies by when you’re having fun; gosh, time still flies by when you’re NOT having fun! XD

Well, here are my reflections on the year that’s about to end, 2017:

Physically-wise: this year began with almost the lowest possible low I could think of: ten years since the cruel and unfaithful God had so wantonly smote me down with the disabling brain tumour. I see all my able-bodied peers finishing uni, finding careers, getting married and having children, and me? I’m just stuck here, uselessly disabled. >< Still that doesn’t change the fact that I must continue to work my hardest on my mobility as I possibly can, although I’ll confess to thinking: what’s the point of trying? To put so much effort into regaining mobility then to just have the cruel and unfaithful God take it away in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I can’t help but think mother just shut her ears when the neurosurgeon initially told her, “Sorry, your daughter’s never gonna walk again. At the very most, she’ll transfer from her car to the wheelchair, then the wheelchair back to the car.” I mean, in light of that, I actually think it’s quite incredible what I’m currently managing! But this world truly has some incredible people: one day, when mother was walking behind me into our local Woolies to buy some groceries together, she suddenly tapped me on the shoulder. I stopped, turned around and saw that she too had turned around and stopped when some slightly bedraggled old man had tapped her shoulder. The old guy’s holding a bouquet of beautiful flowers, which he proceeds to pass on to me. “For you,” he says solemnly. I pause then hesitantly ask the old man, “Um, sorry sir, but do I know you?” The old fella laughs. “Nope!” He responds cheerfully, “But I saw you coming in with your mother and thought you needed this. Keep up the hard work; you’re doing great!” Aww, that really made my day~

I’ve actually had two close shaves with falling this year: the first was when I was enduring a session with my ‘bad’ physio, who had me bending down to the ground and using my demented left hand to pickup a lil kids’ block. I got to the item successfully, but straightening up I lost my balance and just sat down. I’m not calling that a fall because I literally just sat down and anyways, Vincent the physio had pulled me straight back upright the next second.

My other close shave was when I was leaving Ray’s place after some massage and acupuncture; for some reason one foot caught the heel of the other and I tumbled backwards. Obviously I’m big and fat; there’s no way mother would’ve caught me; in my desperation to not fall I pitched myself forward and rolled up on one knee. Mother of course tore into me a new one over that, but I didn’t fall, so hey.

Work-wise: yup, I’m still unemployed. I’d willingly try my luck with any disability employment agency and like I’ve said, I’ll do anything provided I can do it sitting down and it gets me paid, but mother seems for some reason against it? I think it’s coz she doesn’t like driving me to the appointments, and goodness knows I lost my driver’s license after the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly smote me down with the disabling brain tumour back in 2007. *sigh*

Sporting-wise: the poor Broncos have now gone eleven years since their last premiership, but at least the mighty Maroons won the State of Origin; hope my smelly Blues friends are prepared for another at least eight years of pain. XD Oh, I’m looking forward to the Commonwealth Games arriving next year at the Gold Coast!

Spiritually-wise: well, God still hasn’t seen fit to heal me yet; I’m curious: can you be a Christian yet hate God? Coz that’s the position I’m finding myself in now. I don’t doubt his sovereignty, just that He loves me. Sure, the Bible says countless times how much god loves us, but surely He remembers creating the person who concocted the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’? And going by His past actions towards me, I can only surmise how much God hates me. As long as He knows I only hate because He hated me first (brings to mind the verse in the Bible that says we love coz God first loved us), well, I hate coz He first hated me. It’s because of Him that I know how to hate, that I am good at hating. *sigh*

Everything else-wise: not much to note here, except that it’s already 10:25pm and I haven’t made my yearly hike upstairs to my old bedroom yet! So will call it a night and looking forward to seeing everyone in 2018!

Cheers,

Em. ^^