2017 Reflections

Just like that, another year has gone! Time sure flies by when you’re having fun; gosh, time still flies by when you’re NOT having fun! XD

Well, here are my reflections on the year that’s about to end, 2017:

Physically-wise: this year began with almost the lowest possible low I could think of: ten years since the cruel and unfaithful God had so wantonly smote me down with the disabling brain tumour. I see all my able-bodied peers finishing uni, finding careers, getting married and having children, and me? I’m just stuck here, uselessly disabled. >< Still that doesn’t change the fact that I must continue to work my hardest on my mobility as I possibly can, although I’ll confess to thinking: what’s the point of trying? To put so much effort into regaining mobility then to just have the cruel and unfaithful God take it away in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I can’t help but think mother just shut her ears when the neurosurgeon initially told her, “Sorry, your daughter’s never gonna walk again. At the very most, she’ll transfer from her car to the wheelchair, then the wheelchair back to the car.” I mean, in light of that, I actually think it’s quite incredible what I’m currently managing! But this world truly has some incredible people: one day, when mother was walking behind me into our local Woolies to buy some groceries together, she suddenly tapped me on the shoulder. I stopped, turned around and saw that she too had turned around and stopped when some slightly bedraggled old man had tapped her shoulder. The old guy’s holding a bouquet of beautiful flowers, which he proceeds to pass on to me. “For you,” he says solemnly. I pause then hesitantly ask the old man, “Um, sorry sir, but do I know you?” The old fella laughs. “Nope!” He responds cheerfully, “But I saw you coming in with your mother and thought you needed this. Keep up the hard work; you’re doing great!” Aww, that really made my day~

I’ve actually had two close shaves with falling this year: the first was when I was enduring a session with my ‘bad’ physio, who had me bending down to the ground and using my demented left hand to pickup a lil kids’ block. I got to the item successfully, but straightening up I lost my balance and just sat down. I’m not calling that a fall because I literally just sat down and anyways, Vincent the physio had pulled me straight back upright the next second.

My other close shave was when I was leaving Ray’s place after some massage and acupuncture; for some reason one foot caught the heel of the other and I tumbled backwards. Obviously I’m big and fat; there’s no way mother would’ve caught me; in my desperation to not fall I pitched myself forward and rolled up on one knee. Mother of course tore into me a new one over that, but I didn’t fall, so hey.

Work-wise: yup, I’m still unemployed. I’d willingly try my luck with any disability employment agency and like I’ve said, I’ll do anything provided I can do it sitting down and it gets me paid, but mother seems for some reason against it? I think it’s coz she doesn’t like driving me to the appointments, and goodness knows I lost my driver’s license after the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly smote me down with the disabling brain tumour back in 2007. *sigh*

Sporting-wise: the poor Broncos have now gone eleven years since their last premiership, but at least the mighty Maroons won the State of Origin; hope my smelly Blues friends are prepared for another at least eight years of pain. XD Oh, I’m looking forward to the Commonwealth Games arriving next year at the Gold Coast!

Spiritually-wise: well, God still hasn’t seen fit to heal me yet; I’m curious: can you be a Christian yet hate God? Coz that’s the position I’m finding myself in now. I don’t doubt his sovereignty, just that He loves me. Sure, the Bible says countless times how much god loves us, but surely He remembers creating the person who concocted the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’? And going by His past actions towards me, I can only surmise how much God hates me. As long as He knows I only hate because He hated me first (brings to mind the verse in the Bible that says we love coz God first loved us), well, I hate coz He first hated me. It’s because of Him that I know how to hate, that I am good at hating. *sigh*

Everything else-wise: not much to note here, except that it’s already 10:25pm and I haven’t made my yearly hike upstairs to my old bedroom yet! So will call it a night and looking forward to seeing everyone in 2018!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

Christmas and Boxing Day 2017

Phew, unlike last year, when Christmas and Boxing Day were pretty miserable rotten days for me, this year around, they were much better!

Christmas Day: yay, the day began with another awesome sleep for me the night before: I bid Daddy Bear sweet dreams, fell asleep and didn’t wake until 6am.

Breakfast is also fancier than normal: instead of the plain porridge with one slice of dry (unbuttered) toast torn into it, dad had taken home this lil pastry thing from the Christmas party he and I had attended the night before at church and mother lemme have it for breakfast! Yummo~

Then, as traditional for every Sunday probably even since before I was born, we attended church. Unlike last year, BCAC wasn’t holding a Christmas service; I’d asked two people from SIC (Southside International Church, where we used to be Antioch International Church) and found out they wouldn’t be holding a Christmas service either. However, since I know mother insists that we attend church come Christmas morning, I kept looking around and found that Redeemer Lutheran College was holding one.

So that’s where we found ourselves, bright and early come Christmas morning, coz their service started at 8am! Originally, I’d grabbed a seat for myself at the most left hand side of the room, because post-disabling injury that the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly smote me down with in 2007 the loss of all my left side side vision is one of the numerous physical disabilities he’s abandoned me with and whenever I’m seated somewhere that others can be more left than me I feel nervous because I simply can’t see them. (Even though it’s highly unlikely that while you’re @ church someone will just leap out @ you from the side and rip your head off. XD) However, somebody had placed it just so that a fan was blowing directly at my head; perhaps I’ve somehow developed a sensitive head post brain injury because I ended up having to scoot further along the aisle until the fan’s winds could no longer reach me. Of course, trust mother to bitch at me sth stupid that I didn’t get up and walk sideways to my new seat but I simply didn’t see the point, because unlike BCAC where we have individual seats, the Redeemer ones are just one long pew that I simply scooched across! Oh, and apparently ‘scooch’ isn’t a word? Dunno! XD

Think the Redeemer church is called sth like Our Hope? They have a really long bulletin; ‘twas pages long! Mother said our church was more environmentally friendly, because our church just gave an online version.

Thankfully, the parents lemme stay seated for the worship songs. I’ll admit I don’t really understand why we’re invited to stand for worship; I mean, will God hear us better from heaven if we’re like 1.5m higher than if we sang while seated? Obviously, we sang only Christian carols but I was expecting that, which is why for the car trip to Redeemer I sang a litany of four secular Christmas carols: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Jingle Bells, We Wish You A Merry Christmas and the first five days of The Twelve Days Of Christmas. I’m presuming I learnt that last song back during primary school, because I have absolutely zero idea how the sixth day and onwards goes! XD

I was really surprised when the speaker was a guy called sth like Mr. Klienschmidt, coz I remember that was the name of the headmaster when I went for a scholarship interview back in the year 2000 for Grade Eight! Wow, I graduated from high school THIRTEEN YEARS ago and he’s STILL there; gosh, he must be part of the furniture! XD

There was communion after the service (of which I sat out coz I haven’t been baptised yet) and that was it. Originally I was like, “I need the bathroom,” but the parents insisted I wait until I got home.

And that was it, basically. We got home, I used the loo, I popped online (‘twas only mid-morning thereabouts). When mother tumbled downstairs from her long morning nap (which had stretched into the afternoon coz ‘twas about 2:30pm), she fed me lunch of last night’s leftovers. So rice, lotsa vegies and a lil meat.

More computer time for me after that. Post disabling brain injury that the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly smote me down with, mother for some reason only allows me two hours per day to spend online. Luckily, I found something else to occupy my mind with after these most important two hours of my day are up: I found a site where I can watch the first season of the Good Doctor on! I’d seen the previews before the show started but unfortunately the episodes were airing on my small group night, meaning I couldn’t watch them. Can’t remember why I forgot to tape them, but no biggie coz I found an online site that streamed the series! So ‘twas all in all quite a pleasant arvo for me~

Late afternoon/early evening sometime, mother tumbles downstairs from her afternoon nap and boots me off to take a shower.

Dinner’s served after that; just a quiet one between the parents and I. No guests and nothing special for dinner. In fact, it was so ordinary I’ve already forgotten what we had for dinner that night. XD

After dinner, I continue watching episodes of the Good Doctor. I’ve almost finished Season One; just one episode left!

And that’s Christmas 2017! Just a nice quiet one this year~ Before hitting the sack, I wave goodnight to our Christmas tree and all the presents stacked underneath it, telling them I’d open them all toms!

Boxing Day: awesome, I begin this day with another awesome nights’ sleep; even better than Christmas, coz this time, I bid Daddy Bear sweet dreams, fall asleep and don’t wake till 6:20am! When mother comes to hit me with the eye goo I immediately sit up, give her a massive hug and burble happy birthday; Daddy Bear and Juice (the two teddies that currently share my bed with me) throw themselves at mother and do likewise. XD

For Boxing Day, dad took us to hit the sales at the Hyperdome! Yes, I will always have a soft spot for the Hyperdome because it’s the main shopping centre I grew up with; back when my parents and I were still Bogans living in Logan (the most important thing to note is that we evolved and moved out to Brisbane! XD) we probably visited the centre at least once a week. I will freely admit that I was majorly pissed, however, when the parents wouldn’t lemme use Sparkless 2 (my manual wheelchair) to go shopping in; like I’m sure I’ve explained before, if I’m to properly go shopping and browse things, you’ve gotta lemme use the wheelchair so that I can browse! Nowadays, whenever I’m upright and walking, I do so with the intention of walking to the next place where I can sit. Meaning my Boxing Day sales trip had been ruined before it even started; thanks, parents. (NOT. ><)

I was interested when we entered that I didn’t recognise where we were; turns out the Hyperdome had had an upgrade and now boasted a new wing! I was very impressed~

Dad immediately headed for one of his favourite stores, Rivers, while mother said we’d go to Kmart. There, I scored first, when I found this adorable lil pink blanket, rolled up and with a bunny face! Mother said I still had a lil red pocket money left over from the beginning of the year; that’s what I bought! I’m particularly fond of bunnies because I was born in the Chinese New Year of the Rabbit, see.

Dad bought himself a pair of slippers; for lunch we shared Japanese chicken rice (kaarage for me, sweet chilli chicken for mother) and some roast meal dad got from Bucking Bull. They shared a Coke; I just drank water coz I got dropped on my head as a baby (true story!) and don’t like soft drink. XD

And that was our shopping done for the day! At first I was like, “Err mother, did you get anything?’ She was like, “Yeah! When dad was buying us lunch and you were minding our bags I ducked into the pharmacy and bought stuff!” Oh, good; we all bought sth~

Same with Christmas: after getting home, I use the loo once then pop online; mother immediately hits the sack upstairs and dad starts whipping up dinner for mother’s birthday party!

Like Christmas, after I’ve enjoyed my most important two hours of the day online, I immediately resume watching The Good Doctor; when mother awakens from her arvo nap and boots me off for a shower, I comply before returning to continue watching the current episode.

Then, ding dong! The first of our night’s guests arrive; it’s Aunty A! Mother mock-wibbles @ me, “You see, if we’d invited Aunty A over and she knows nobody else’s coming, she’ll ‘punctually be a lil late’ (that’s Aunty A’s trademark saying in Canto XD) but coz she knows there’s other guests coming, she’ll arrive even slightly earlier and dress up for the occasion too!” XD

Aunty Catherine, Uncle Calvin and Joey arrive soon after; I’m immensely relieved that Joey’s come too coz it means I’ll have some company tonight and won’t be bored outta my wits. XD

I invite Joey to drag over a chair and continue watching the current episode of The Good Doctor that I’m on; I ask her would she like me to restart the episode from the beginning so she knows what’s happening? But she says nah, don’t bother.

When dinner’s called, I pause the episode, use the loo once more then join the table for dinner.

Woo hoo, dad’s outdone himself! There’s one really long steamed fish, Chinese mushrooms, vegetables, chicken and prolly other things I’ve forgotten, too! Personally, I’m just saying winner winner chicken dinner because mother even lemme have SECONDS that night; unheard of! XD

Thanks to the Kwoks who brought mother a birthday cake from the cheesecake shop, even though it wasn’t a cheesecake! I mean, it’s good and all that the Cheesecake Shop is branching out and selling other varieties of cake, but shouldn’t there be some stipulation that you can only buy a different cake only after you’ve bought a CHEESECAKE?? XD

After munching a wee tiny slice of mother’s birthday cake, Joey walks over with me back to our Christmas tree. We just sit and chat, until everyone takes their leave around 9:20pm. One more loo trip for me, then I can FINALLY open all my Christmas presents! :D I’m particularly happy with the Nesquik cereal Samuel Enderby bought for me; see, mother?? Somebody DOES read my blog!! XD (Mother always jeers that nobody ever reads my blog coz I’m so bloody repetitive; I’ve explained to her before that I keep a blog for myself, just to note down the day’s events lest I forget. See, one of the many disabilities that the cruel and unfaithful God abandoned me with back in 2007 was short-term memory loss; should I not note down what happened during the day, I’m liable to simply forget. That’s my daily events blog and I’m not after readers; I’m just happy to discover that people do read my special events blog!) My other favourite present’s this medium-sized teddy that comes with a nametag; saves me the trouble of having to come up with a name for him (for some reason, nearly all my teddies are boys XD) myself.

And that’s Christmas and Boxing Day over with for 2017! Just waiting for 2018, now~

Next post here … well, it’s gotta be my reflections for 2017. However, be prepared that they may not arrive till 2018, especially if dearest dad takes mother and I out somewhere to welcome in the new year! Although considering there’s thunderstorms forecast for toms night, perhaps not… Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

XMas Greetings 2017

Greetings, one and all! Lookee, the end of 2017 is nigh; thanks for tuning into another instalment of my silly Xmas Greetings to you all. XD Has 2017 been a fun year for you? I sure hope so!

Unfortunately for me, just like last year, 2017 began on a depressingly low note. No, I wasn’t moronic enough to catch another bloody COLD in the middle of freaking SUMMER again (that was last year’s business; hopefully never again to be repeated! XD); rather, I was feeling totally despondent because February the 3^rd, 2017, marked ten awful years since the cruel and unfaithful God had so wantonly and totally destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour. I can’t really describe the despair I felt when I first opened my eyes on that fateful day and realised that while my peers had graduated university, found careers, married and started having kids, here was I, disabled, abandoned by God and totally useless. *sigh*

However, when the next day dawned and I was still around, excitement started stirring up within me, coz that meant I had a good chance of being around for my 30^th birthday! See, I’d spent my 20^th birthday lying half-dead in the ICU, having already undergone the first of several botched surgeries. So I was there, but not actually present, if you get what I’m saying?

I’ll admit to having some unfounded fear that I’d walk out into the open air and suddenly a HIPPO would fall outta the sky, land on my head and knock me unconscious, thus making me miss my 30^th birthday, too! >< However, many people assured me that hippos randomly falling outta the sky and knocking people out were very rare and uncommon events, meaning I should be safe to reach my thirtieth birthday. ‘Should’ being the operative word. XD

Well, if I was going to be around, what I really wanted was a birthday party with a birthday card! See, you can’t really buy birthday cards for people turning twenty-seven, twenty-eight or twenty-nine (unless you buy those blank (i.e. nothing written inside) numbered ones from the Reject Shop, but you can for the decade birthdays!

When I mentioned this to Pastor Grace at church, she not only agreed with me; she even immediately offered to help me organise it! (I probably exploded with excitement right on the spot. XD)

So one Sunday afternoon after service, I had a pizza party down in A7/8! Not only that, we played games! Charades was understandably difficult for me, because I only have one functioning hand to properly gesture with, but the game I really enjoyed was Honey I Love You, Can You Give Me A Smile?! For this game, the ‘it’ person had to approach anyone sitting in the circle and ask them, “Honey I love you; can you give me a smile?” The correct response was “Honey I love you too, but I just can’t smile.” You won if you coaxed a smile from the other person. Some were admittedly useless at this game (sorry, Clara/Aggie XD) however I was a tougher nut to crack!

“Honey I love you, can you give me a smile?”

“Honey I love you too but sorry, I just can’t smile.”

“Honey I love you, can you give me a smile?”

“Nup, don’t feel like it. Next.”

In the end, games master (mistress? XD) Joey decided everyone had to take turns trying to coax a smile from me!

“Honey I love you, can you give me a smile?”

“Honey I love you too but sorry, I just don’t feel like smiling.”

“Honey I love you, can you give me a smile?”

“Nup, don’t feel like it. Next.”

In the end, ‘twas Mel Mel who finally made me smile! She was incredibly smart: when she approached me, in her hand she was holding one of the minions that apparently everyone who knows me even very slightly knows that I am totally besotted with; she asked, “Em, both the minion and I love you; will you please give us a smile?” I probably squealed, “For the minion, yes; <3 the minions!” Then I BEAMED at her. XD

But that wasn’t all! For several years now, I’ve attended a book club at the Logan North library and what I didn’t know was that all the members and the librarian that runs our monthly book club had decided to chuck me a surprise birthday party! See, for some odd reason, dad believes he must get me to every appointment I attend at least ten minutes early; I’ve tried explaining to him countless times, “Dad, if you get me to physio ten minutes early, I’m not going to get ten more minutes of physio; I’m just gonna sit on my butt for ten minutes until my allocated time arrives.” However, he doesn’t seem to understand that, but hey. So when dad got me to the library well before the 6pm commencement time and I looked in through the glass window near the top of the door and saw only an empty table, I thought nothing of it because that’s how things usually are. Only the first thing I see when I push open the closed door is that EVERYONE’S already there; they were just hiding inside the room beyond my limited line of eye vision! The next thing I see is one member, Katie, actually DRESSED as a minion; right after that, the word “SURPRISE!” assaults my ears! Someone then counts down (or up) from one/three, and everyone bursts into a lusty rendition of the Happy Birthday song for me! After I’ve excitedly burbled my thanks to everyone, I’m pointed to my usual seat; once I’ve plonked my bum down, stacks of presents are immediately piled in front of me and I’m told to start unwrapping, while everyone starts filling up plates with party food. There’s cake also; when I’m handed the knife and told to make the first cut, I ask Amanda, “I should be safe to cut this right down to the bottom, right? It’s just us girls in here, yeah?” My cheeky librarian jokes, “You just wait right here and I’ll go fetch Phil (the librarian that alternates with Amanda to chair our monthly book club meetings) inside for you, okay?” (Australians have this custom that for the first cut made into a birthday cake, if the knife touches the base, you haveta kiss the closest person of the opposite sex.)

I mock-frown, before raising the tip of the cake knife I’m holding. “Do you see this nice sharp pointy knife you’ve just handed me to cut the cake with, Amanda? Might you want to rephrase your question, huh?” Amanda very wisely retracts her question. XD

And so began life for me thirty years old! As I’m sure most of you are aware, nowadays basically my life is physio. Meaning I really have no life at all (sorry, all you physios out there. XD) >< If you’ve followed these annual XMas Greetings of mine for several years now, you may recall how, a few years back, an unsuspecting physio teacher accidentally lemme rather cheekily (and deliberately loudly, I might cheerfully add XD) drop an f-bomb right in the middle of the physio gym. Well, this year, something similar happened!

Sonia (the teacher) and I were talking about a past clinical educator that used to work @ the NAB. “Her name’s Steph,” I explained to Sonia. “She’s a short Asian, and several years ago, she was very heavily pregnant and wandering around with a huge belly.”

“Oh, do you mean Steph Fu?” Sonia replied.

“Yeah, probably.” I said. “How’s Fu spelt? F-U-U?”

“No, F-U!” Sonia shot back.

I immediately double over with laughter, before screeching rather loudly to the other teacher present, “Ethan, Sonia just told me to eff off!!”

“Huh, what? No I didn’t!” Sonia replied, confused. “All I said was that Steph’s surname was spelt Eff You…” Her voice hardened. “Oh, Em, you EVIL woman! I honestly wasn’t thinking about that at all when I spelt Steph’s surname out for you!”

Ethan, the other teacher manning the NAB that day, wanders over. “That’s a sackable offence, you know,” he informs me. “Teachers aren’t allowed to swear at patients.”

I laugh, before teasing Sonia, “Oh, I’m so dobbing on you!”

Well, Sonia had the audacity to retort sth like, “Huh, see if I care,” to my shallow threat, and for that cheek, I reported her to not only the head of the NAB clinic, Kat, but to the guy in charge of ALL the physio clinics @ UQ, Mr. Hans! Only afterwards I made sure to add that Sonia was actually a really really awesome clinical educator who even won some kinda Best Teacher Award back in like 2008 and could they please not fire her?

Luckily, both Kat and Mr. Hans both understood I was only being silly and phew, Sonia’s still working @ the NAB to this day. XD

Well, technically, not to this day, because it’s closed for the year! After enduring 100+ sessions of physio lasting way over 100 hours this year, I’m officially on HOLIDAYS! :D Like I told everyone through Facebook, until physio resumes for me come Jan 7^th/8^th, 2018, I am simply going to DENY that the word ‘physio’ even EXISTS in the English language. XD A physio friend did ask me, “Well, if physios don’t exist, what do I do for a living?” My reply? “Nothing. You’re on the Dole.” XD

For the past several years, every August I’ve had to visit the hospital for an MRI, to check that the idiot brain tumour residing inside my otherwise-empty skull (and taking up precious brain space XD) hasn’t done anything stupid like suddenly hit a growth spurt. Before I enter the MRI, a nurse must place a cannula into my arm. That stupid needle has caused me bucket loads of stress, because I have super-wimpy veins that bolt in terror every time anything sharp and pointy comes looking for them! Usually, one nurse will try two needles, both of which will fail. The other nurse on duty will also try two more, both of which again will fail. Then they’ll both give up and find a doctor to cannulate me, which means I endure five ouchy jabs before the process is completed. However, one year, I endured a horrifying NINE jabs before the bloody cannula found its way into my vein, after which I created a new deal: “You get the needle in within three jabs,” I tell the nurse about to stick me, “and I’ll be forever grateful. Take more than three, and you owe me a chocolate bar. Deal or no deal? If you’re not confident you can, please go find someone else!”

This year, after forewarning the nurses that I’m exceedingly hard to cannulate, both nurses only try one needle each before finding a doctor. When he arrives, I tell him solemnly, “Doctor, yours is the last chance. I’ve already taken two failed jabs, so if you can’t get the cannula in this time around, you owe me a chocolate bar. Deal or no deal? If you’re not confident you can, please go find someone who is!”

The doctor laughs and agrees, “Sure. I’ll give it a shot.” And, miraculously, he gets it in! I laugh with relief, telling him, “Doctor, many thanks. Your wallet thanks you too; now you don’t owe me a chocolate bar.”

The doctor laughs too before replying, “Oh, I don’t know… you were really brave; I still think you deserve a chocolate bar.”

More laughter from me, before I happily screech to the nurse on duty that day. “Nurse, did you hear that?? The doctor reckons I was really brave and still deserve a chocolate bar!”

The nurse joins in with our laughter. “I’ll see what I can find you,” she promises me. Sure enough, later on, she returns with a tiny little packet of M ‘n’ Ms for me! I thank her, and then ask, “Where did you find this cute little packet from? I’m pretty sure vending machines don’t sell M ‘n’ Ms in such small sizes?”

The nurse replies, “Correct. However, right now we’re having a farewell morning tea for one of our retiring radiographers; there’s a bowl of these lying on the table and I just grabbed you one.” Well, Mr./Mrs./Ms. Radiographer, we’ve never met each other before, but thanks muchly for the chocolate and hope you’re having a happy retirement! XD

Anyways, 2018’s fast approaching; please lemme wish everyone reading this a very Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous 2018 ahead! Fingers crossed the year ahead will be a productive one for you, filled with lotsa memorable events and also lotsa fun! Hopefully we can stay in touch throughout 2018 (an admittedly easier task nowadays, what with Facebook. XD)

Cheers,

Em. ^^

XMas Wishlist 2017

Yoo hoo, Santa! Haven’t spoken to you for just under one year; how are you doing? When I posed for a photo with you last year, I finally remembered to ask you how you spend the rest of the year, because nobody ever really hears from Santa during the other eleven months of the year and I really laughed when you told me, “Sleeping! It’s extremely exhausting, you know, having to deliver so many presents all around the world in just one night!” XD

Anyways, I hope you had a great rest and are again gearing up for your mammoth present delivery, coz there are quite a few items I’m hoping you’ll bring me for Christmas this year!

(1)               Books – each year, I put out two wish lists. One’s the one I’m writing for you now, Santa, for Christmas and the other one’s for my birthday, which comes around in March. Undoubtedly, at the top of every wish list I write will be BOOKS. Never mind that post disabling brain injury I read so pathetically slowly it takes me almost one month to plough through one measly book, the fact is that I’ll always be an avid reader who’s forever on the search for a new book to stick my nose into! My favourite genres are fantasy, science fiction and historical fiction but hey, I’m willing to give anything bar Mills and Boon a crack. XD Oh, one book I’m after in particular’s that new book by Garth Nix! I loved the His Dark Materials series (in fact, I own the trilogy) and would dearly love to read another book set in that world, please!

(2)               Teddy – another item that always falls into my two yearly wish lists. Yes, all my teddies are named and yes, all are loved. Hopefully the Chan family can welcome at least one new addition into our household this year!

(3)               E-reader – I always add one expensive item I’m hoping to get, and seeing that I finally got a new mobile phone after like five years of asking (meanwhile, both parents have updated TWICE with new phones XD), the newest expensive item I’d like to ask for is an e-reader! I know some people need to actually feel the paper pages to turn to be able to read, but I’ve tried reading from one once and nup, I’ve got no problems with that! I don’t need a fancy waterproof one (when I’m showering, I don’t have time to read! XD) and to be honest, I’ll confess I have absolutely zero idea how much those things cost anyway, but maybe several people can chip in to get me one?

(4)               Nesquik cereal – oh, I usually have one food item in my wish lists. Yes, I’m aware that Nesquik cereal surely wouldn’t be considered a ‘healthy’ cereal, but since I like drinking Nesquik chocolate milk, I’d like to try a box of that cereal, please!

(5)               Minions – apparently, the ENTIRE church family of BCAC know that I have a complete obsession with the adorable, jellybean-shaped minions of Despicable Me! Indeed, one of the highlights of my birthday back in March was when Pastor Grace was taking little Naomi out shopping to buy some things for my birthday bash, when the adorable little girl pointed to some minion apparel and said, “Aunty Em!” Aww~ XD I’ve already received two minion items for Christmas this year but am hoping for more; <3 the minions! :D

(6)               Pet – yet another item that has probably appeared on every wish list I’ve written since poor Silver and Bronze passed away in the Winter of 2008. Yes, I’m unfortunately terribly guilty of involuntary manslaughter (how was I to know that goldfish are so horribly pathetic they need a heater in their fish tank during Winter to keep them warm lest they perish from the cold??) but surely I can be trusted with a live pet again?? Or if not, then I want a pet rock! Luke Mac Court, you did say you’d arrange one for me several years ago, but that event never came to pass, so Liam and Helena, please chase up your son for me! XD

(7)               Watch – err, actually, I dunno what those things are really called … er, wristbands? I mean one of those gadgets that count how many steps you walk each day? *sigh* Sometimes I think the parents forget how much of a struggle it is for me to walk even a single step; because walking comes to them as naturally as breathing and thus they can’t understand why it’s important for me to know how many steps I’ve struggled to plod on any given day. Somehow, they’ve simply forgotten that the doctor originally told them, “Your daughter will NEVER walk again. At the very most, she’ll transfer from the car to her wheelchair and then from her wheelchair back to the car.” ><” Actually, does anyone know where I might find an accurate one? See, the one I’m using now has ADHD; when I walk 100 steps he’ll gimme 500, meaning I haveta divide his total by five to figure out how many steps I’ve actually done over the course of one day! XD Mother recently ordered me a new one over EBay but when it arrived, she tried it on then said, “Hey, this one’s opposite to the one you’re using now, Em; instead of diving by five, I’d haveta multiply by like 1.5! to get an accurate number!” XD

(8)               Gingerbread man – yes, I know I’ve already asked for one food item in this Christmas wish list Santa, but what can I say? I’m a greedy guts and the way to my heart is through my stomach: feed me and I’ll love you forever. XD I’ve seen gingerbread man ads from Coles; could someone please get me one?

Hmm … I’ve already run outta things to ask you for, Santa; guess I’m just not very materialistic! XD Anyhow, I reserve the right to add to this list if further items pop up, but for now, Santa, could you please ask all your Christmas elves (i.e. all my Facebook friends who’ll read this XD) to start getting me Christmas presents??

Next post here … should be my Christmas Greetings for 2017, due out on the 11^th. Anyhow, until then!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

Birthday Reflections 2017

I’m digging through my blog archives but can’t seem to find my Birthday Reflections for last year, even though I’m fairly sure I wrote them. Never mind~

Anyways, I thought I’d better start this the night before coz I remember several years back me writing these reflections literally MINUTES before I turned another year older! XD

This one’s a big birthday for me, see; I’ll be turning the ripe old age of THIRTY! I’m rather apprehensive to see if I’ll reach it; see, for my 20^th, the cruel and unfaithful God had already smote me down with the disabling brain tumor, meaning I spent my 20^th birthday lying half-dead in the ICU; I can’t help feeling slightly nervous that every time I head out into the open, a HIPPO will fall on my head and knock me unconscious, thus making me miss my 30^th, too! >< However, I’ve been reassured by several people that it’s not a very common occurrence, hippos falling outta the sky and knocking people safe, meaning I *should* be safe. ‘Should’ being the operative word. XD

The year that’s passed with me being twenty-nine … well, ‘twas pretty much the same being twenty-eight the year before and twenty-seven the year before that, really. You don’t really have much of a life when you’re a useless disabled bum, you know. *sigh*

Let’s see … well, I’ve read some good books, watched some good movies and added to my teddy bear collection? Yes, all are named and yes, all my teddies are loved. <3

I can’t help but feel that the cruel and unfaithful God is wasting my life, though. Seriously, by the time you’re thirty, you should’ve finished your tertiary education like half a decade ago, you should be having a career, you should be having a family, you should be readying your parents for retirement. Instead, my parents are still working their butts off (well, dad is, anyway; I think mother’s only ever worked part-time ever since we came to Australia back in 1990) and here I am, disabled and useless. Yes, I hate myself for it, that I require help with even the most basic, simple of tasks and that I’m not as independent as I should be; more than that, though, I totally despise the cruel and unfaithful God who’s left me in this situation. Sure, you could argue that He didn’t do this to me; rather, He allowed it to happen, but my point is that He could have stopped this from happening but didn’t even bothering lifting a finger! >< *sigh*

But this post isn’t about God; rather, I’m reflecting on my birthday that’s about to arrive!

For the year ahead … only recently, as mother has started bitching to me about how all her peer aunties at church  - the ones she has her very informal ‘fellowship’ with every Sunday (I’m not entirely sure why she calls it that because they only ever drink coffee together and gossip; I’m pretty sure they don’t actually do anything Biblical together, like read the Bible/pray) - are slowing down, nearing retirement and playing with their grandkids while she’s still stuck looking after me, driving me to all my physio appointments, etc. I actually Googled around and asked a few law firms was there any possibility of suing the incompetent surgeon who first screwed up my life; like, I realise no amount of money will magically fix all the physical disabilities I’ve been left with, but I’d just like to sue for enough to give my parents a comfortable retirement, you know? However, the replies I got were hopeless: apparently there’s some kinda Statute of Limitations thing, which means that once three years have passed since the negligent act was committed, you can’t sue for it anymore. *sigh*

But that’s not to say I don’t promise that everyday, I’ll get up, haul myself outta bed and try my hardest everyday to improve mobility. My main fear nowadays is of falling, because were I to fall over, I simply lack the physical capacity to get myself back upright again, meaning I’ll just have my arse planted on the floor waiting for someone to happen past and pull me back upright. At the ‘good’ physio this year, I’ve been practising how to get myself back upright without needing help so hopefully, if in the future I’m clumsy and end down onto the floor, I can get myself back upright without having to just sit there and wait for someone who can come and haul me back to my feet.

My attempt to return to tertiary studies has amounted to absolutely nothing, just as mother has told me all along. That’s okay; perhaps I’ll try find a steady paid job instead so I won’t haveta ask my parents for every single cent I wanna spend. XD However, mother seems to be very against that notion, also. *sigh* I mean, sometimes I can’t help but suspect that she gets a kick outta me having to rely on her for nearly everything …

Well, so there you have it. In a little over four hours, I’ll have reached the ripe old age of thirty. Hopefully mt thirties will be much more enjoyable than my twenties have been!

Next post here … maybe a movie review? Maybe a post about how I celebrated my birthday this year? Who knows! XD Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^

  

Birthday Wishlist 2017

If you read my previous post about the despair I felt marking ten years since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my entire life with the disabling brain tumour, never fear, because the next day I awoke and felt very excited that I therefore had a good chance to be around for my momentous birthday (I’m turning thirty this year!) Now, since today’s March the 1^st, get ready for another instalment of my birthday wishlist!

(1)            Books – yup, like I explain every time I bash out a wishlist, books will probably be the first item I ask for, always. Never mind that the cruel and unfaithful God has left me so slow at reading that it’s almost all I can do to struggle through one book a month; also never mind that He has also taken away so much of my English reading ability that I often come across words I dunno the meaning of, I’ve always been a bookworm and will always love burying my face into a novel! My favourite genres are fantasy, science fiction and historical fiction but hey, I’m willing to give anything bar Mills and Boon a crack. XD

(2)            Minions – apparently, the entire church family of BCAC is aware of my obsession with these yellow, jellybean-shaped creatures. I love the one-eyed ones better than the two-eyed ones but seriously, I <3 ALL the minions and simply can’t get enough of them!

(3)            Pirate coconuts – this here can be my newest obsession after the minions. See, mother took me to see the cartoon movie Moana during the hottest of Summer, and my favourite part of the movie was when the PIRATE COCONUTS came out to play! XD Not sure if they’re available anywhere yet, though …

(4)            Teddy Bear – another item you’ll most undoubtedly find in every wishlist I publish. Yes, each teddy has a name and yes, all are loved~

(5)            Mobile phone – hey, I’ve been using my current one since like 2012, or the days of Small Group: Team April and Ray! Dad’s changed work mobiles @ least once, while mother’s upgraded hers twice (and in the process for looking for a third, I believe) and I’m still stuck using the same old Huawei! Any chance somebody will get me a mobile that’s recent enough to play Pokemon Go?? XD

(6)            Pet – I understand that I’m not to be trusted with live animals again after my involuntary manslaughter of poor Silver and Bronze back in 2008, but hey, they’ve been in heaven for almost nine years and surely I can be trusted with a live pet again?? XD Otherwise, I want a pet rock!!

(7)            E-Reader – Santa didn’t bring me this when I asked him for one last Christmas, but I’m trying again coz while some people need to feel paper pages to read, I’ve tried using an e-reader before and can read just fine!

(8)            Cards – Yup, this year, I’m after thirtieth birthday cards! Unless you buy from the Reject Shop those numbered birthday cards, I’m pretty sure you can’t find twenty-sixth, twenty-seventh, twenty-eighth or twenty-ninth birthday cards anywhere, but I’m turning the big three zero and there are definitely thirtieth birthday cards out there and I want some!

(9)            iPod – Back in 2008, my Australian godmother got me an iPod Nano for Christmas. However, my dad nabbed it so he could have music to listen to while he did his deliveries during the day and he must have somehow overworked it coz then it perished! Please will someone get me a new one; otherwise I will be bored senseless come August when I’m lying flat on my back waiting for the neurosurgeon to come reset my shunt’s pressure settings after my MRI so I can finally sit upright again!

(10)         Book stand – see, sometimes the books I get for our monthly book club are pretty thick ones; also, my librarian understands that I’ve got crappy eyesight and often saves the large print edition of the book for me. (I can read normal print just fine, but it takes extra attention to focus on small writing, especially if there’s not much space between the lines). I used to have this book stand made from plastic; the page holder @ the bottom of the stand snapped off coz the books I was putting in were too big! I even did the same with the wooden book stand! Dunno where one buys bookstands from, but will someone please get me a new one?

Hmm … have already asked for ten things this year; I’d best end the wishlist here else people think I’m a greedy guts and don’t get me ANY birthday presents! XD Just remember that I reserve the right to add to this wishlist as I go along~ XD

Next post here … prolly either how I spent my birthday or the movie review of Moana! Righteo, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^
P.S. Oh, when mother noticed me writing this blog post last week, she jeered @ me, "Didn't you read what Michael Chi Kit Leung wrote? Nobody wants to read all your verbose language!" If that's the case, please just read the number, glance right for the item I'm after then jump down to the next number. XD

Ten Years

*sigh* You realise that you are much less than a piece of SH*T in the eyes of the cruel and unfaithful God who so wantonly destroyed your entire life with a brain tumour when today marks ten years to the day when He so maliciously did that to you and the sky hasn’t fallen in. Bet the moon won’t be blue tonight, either. *sigh*

If it were only me that was affected, I’d be like that too. Seriously, who gives a damn that your whole life’s being ruined, that the God who’s promised you a hope and a future in Jeremiah 29:11 has denied you exactly that because you tell me, how the blazes can I have any hope since He’s so cruelly denied me any future?? >< *sigh*

Only it’s not just me that’s been affected. I’m an only child, meaning the responsibility for looking after my parents when they’re too old to work (and they’re nearing that stage; earlier this year I heard dad telling his high school mate that he only planned to work for two more years, while I’m pretty sure mother’s only ever worked part time since we came over to Brisbane back in October 1990) will fall to me, only how the heck can I provide adequately for them when even I myself need a little help with even the most basic, simple of tasks, like showering and dressing??

Yes, I totally hate myself for that fact. But more than that, I fully despise the cruel and unfaithful God who’s put me into this awful position.

Quite awhile back, I remember having a Whatsapp conversation with Dr. Lee. You know how God doesn’t make bad things happen, He just allows them to happen? I remember describing a scenario to Dr. Lee: “Say you’re on the side of a very busy highway. Suddenly you notice a lil kid standing in the middle of the highway, about to get run down and mowed over by a huge semi trailer. To save his life, all you’d haveta do would be yell, “Kid, look out!” and he’d look up, see the huge semi trailer bearing down on him and run across to the other side of the road and be safe. But you don’t do anything, and consequently the semi trailer smashes into the little kid, squishing him and killing him. Now, you could rightfully say, “I didn’t do anything. It was the huge semi trailer than ran over the kid.” Sure, fair point, but by not doing anything when you could have, you are exactly as bad as the truck driver who ploughed into that kid!”

Dr. Lee responded fair enough, but that I’d gotten the characters mixed up. According to him, I was the little kid standing in middle of the rushing highway, Satan was the one driving the truck about to squish and kill me, but Jesus was the One running in front of me and pushing me out of harm’s way and getting hit instead. My turn to say fair enough now, but that’s not how things panned out in my situation, is it? In my case, I’m more apt to believe that God not only allowed Satan to destroy my life, he probably reclined in an armchair while munching popcorn and couldn’t care less when it happened! *sigh*

Five years ago, when I wrote the post on how it had been five years since the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life, the parents had absolutely no clue what a sad day that was for me because we were in Hong Kong at the time visiting relatives, and they were both too happy catching up with their old friends and our relatives to care. Five years later, on the ten year anniversary of this awful date, my dearest dad just underwent cataract surgery two days ago, and obviously all of mother’s attention is with him, making sure he’s pulled up okay. I fully understand that; after all, dad’s the main breadwinner of our family. Obviously, I’m nothing more than a burden. *sigh*

Today I’m mourning a life totally wasted. I’ll be turning thirty next month; at this stage of life, I should be having a career, having a family and preparing my parents for retirement. Instead, they’re still working their butts off while here I am, useless and more or less dependant on them for everything. I can’t have a career because I’m obviously unfit for tertiary studies. I definitely won’t be having a family, because just like horrid mother’s jeered to me quite often, “As if anyone would want someone as disabled as you!” As for readying my parents for retirement, well, at this stage, the best I’ll probably be able to do for them will be to find them a good nursing home, pray they won’t get mistreated then find another one for myself, because let’s face it: as hard as I try to be independent and do everything by myself, the fact remains that I still need a little assistance with even the most simple, basic of tasks. *sigh*

Last year, I met up with this so called ‘faith healer’. Unfortunately, our encounter didn’t help my situation whatsoever; I’m not sure if that means faith healing’s just a sham and doesn’t actually work or was the cruel and unfaithful God just being what I’ve come to expect of Him, cruel and unfaithful. However, this woman did leave me with a new perspective on life; see, when she was telling me how great eternity in heaven would be, I rather bitterly responded, “Great, in other words you’re just letting me know that I’ll have all ETERNITY in heaven to mourn this one life I have on Earth that God’s so cruelly wasting now!” (Because technically, to me, my life is honestly being wasted right now; not only am I not contributing to society in any meaningful way, I’m technically also being a burden to society…) The woman I was with shook her head. “Oh no, it won’t be anything like that at all!” She reassured me. “Once you’re in heaven, you’ll view your Earthly life with as much regard as you do right now a hangnail!” If what she told me really is true, perhaps I need not worry as much about how the cruel and unfaithful God’s wasting my one Earthly life? After all, YOLO and all that; perhaps I really should instead be focusing on how to make the most of this one Earthly life I’ve got and live in the moment …

Well, mother’s always harping on at me how I’ve got a ‘bad attitude’. I will admit, I’m not too entirely sure what she’s going on about, because I’ve always thought I try and maintain a good attitude! Many a morning when I wake up and think about what’s in store for me today, I simply wanna pull the covers back over my head and deny that the day even exists. But then I remind myself, hey, you’ve gotta keep a good attitude! Hence why every morning I find myself telling the cruel and unfaithful God that I’m perfectly capable of having a great day without Him, despite Him and apart from Him, because whatever He throws at me has no bearing whatsoever on my good day. Like I say, your good day depends on your good attitude, meaning as long as I maintain a good attitude, I will have a good day. Take today, for example. I could’ve easily bemoaned how I’ve had a dreadful today, from mother gleefully forcing my poor demented left hand to do all these tasks for her in standing even before I had breakfast, to how dad restricted me to just one sushi roll for lunch, to how I had to let mother gleefully FORCE L me to walk outside and let her gleefully force mostly my poor demented left hand take down the day’s washing (because it’s apparently beyond her comprehension to understand how hard just standing is for me), to how I had to let dad gleefully FORCE L me to plod 800 steps on the bloody cross trainer for him (keeping in mind that it’s counter’s inaccurate),  to how even during dinner and after dinner I had to let both parents gleefully force my poor wonky left hand on some stupid exercises using a dumbbell, to how both parents are seemingly uncaring/oblivious/unaware to just how sad a day today is for me, or I can look on the bright side of life and appreciate how I had a great sleep last night (bid my teddy sweet dreams, fell asleep and didn’t wake until the noisy garbage truck came thundering down our road to empty our bins @ 6:05am), how I saw Aunty Ann for a comfy massage this arvo and how Aunty Kitty came to mind me for one hour @ 4:15pm. Guess it’s all just the perspective you take.

*sigh* So there you have it. Thanks for reading this depressing post to the end. Don’t worry about me, hopefully tomorrow I’ll be back to my usual cheerful self. You know that Hard Yakka song? “You knock me down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down!” Well, most days, I sing that to the cruel and unfaithful God too: “You knock me down, but I get up again, You’re NEVER gonna keep me down!” Guess I’ve just gotta keep reminding myself that “This too shall pass.”

Next post here … well, if I’m organised, hopefully I’ll get up a review of the cartoon movie Moana that mother and I saw together last month (my new obsession: pirate coconuts! XD) but if not, guess you won’t hear from me again till March the 1^st with my birthday wishlist! Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^