Apostasy

Apostasy. It’s a new word I discovered recently, which means to ditch one’s religion.

Alas that Christianity’s the only way to heaven and eternal life. Alas that you have to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and personal saviour before you’re saved and will get life after death.

Because if there was any other way for me to enter heaven after I died, if there was any other way for me to be reunited with my most beloved maternal grandmother after life on this Earth here, believe me, I would take it. Immediately. Bye Jesus, you haven’t looked after me well and I’m gonna follow and worship some other god that actually will provide me with a hope and a future, which is exactly what You’ve so cruelly denied me.

Unfortunately, life’s not that simple. I can’t very well go convert to Buddhism/any other religion and still expect to enter heaven after my mortal life here on this earth has finished.

Which has me banging (figuratively, not literally XD) my otherwise empty skull against the wall with agitation.

Look at society these days. We’re taught that if we don’t like the situation we’re currently in, get out, go, find a better one! Don’t like your uni degree? Switch, find something better that better suits your aspirations for the future! Don’t like your job? Find a better career!

Alas, life doesn’t work like that. Only how I wish it did! From the Bible, Jeremiah 29:29 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “Plans to give you a hope and a future.” Only after the cruel and unfaithful God so wantonly destroyed my life with the disabling brain tumour, it’s been hard for me to understand this passage. I mean, I have no hope now, because God’s so cruelly destroyed my future. As hard as I try to be as independent as possible, the fact remains that I need some help with even the most basic of tasks, like showering. Now, my future looks bleak and bleaker as my parents get older. I’m their only child, meaning it’ll be my responsibility to look after them once they get to old to do so themselves. Only how the blazes can I look after them, when I can’t even look after myself?? Hence my railing at the cruel and unfaithful God for being the only way to eternal life, why I hate the fact that there’s no other way to get to heaven except through him. Coz speaking frankly, after my parents get too old to look after themselves properly, the best I can do will be to find them a nursing home and pray they won’t get mistreated. Then I may as well find one for myself too, considering I can’t even look after myself properly … *sigh*

Back when I was first released from the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Ward of the Princess Alexandra hospital to everyone else XD), near the end of May, 2008, it was hard to adjust to life back at home and mother would frequently rail at me how she’d abandon me to some nursing home, because she simply couldn’t cope with looking after me. Personally, I wondered how she could do that; I mean, would she just discard me like some piece of rubbish and then meet other aunties from our church and proudly tell them, “Hey, I’ve just abandoned my daughter; let’s go for a drink together to celebrate!”?? For that reason, I developed a little mantra that I’d repeat to myself once every night, detailing the lengths to which I’d go to stay with my parents. However, at the end of the year, mother had a change of heart and PROMISED we’d NEVER be apart.

Fast forward six years, and mother’s once more reverted to her threat of abandoning me, which has made me revisit the vow I’d made to myself back in 2008. For the time being, however, I’m only repeating this creed to myself once every Sunday, but I thought it’d be prudent of me to note my vow once down here, just in case:

If I am separated from my parents, I will do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING I need to get back to them.

1.         If I can walk back to them, fantastic. I promise to return to them as fast as I can manage, regardless of cuts, scrapes, insect bites, sunburn, whatever. If I can’t walk back, well, guess I’ll just haveta crawl. That’s okay. It’ll just take longer.

2.         If I can do everything legally to return to them, that’d obviously be for the best, but if I must resort to committing illegal acts to get me back to them, fine.

3.         If I have to sell my body in order to get back to my parents, who cares, it’s just your body, but even if I haveta sell my SOUL for that to happen, I will!

4.         If it takes a day, awesome. If it takes a week before I’m back with my parents, cool. If it takes a month, no big deal. If it takes a year, well, I’ll work hard. But even if it takes TEN YEARS, I’ll not stop until I’m back with them!!! Every single day, I’ll tell myself that I MUST get back to them, that I WILL get back to them.

But perhaps that’s just me being overly dramatic, coz dad reckons if I were to be institutionalised, I’d have a great time! “You can eat however much you want, and have like ten sugars with your tea!”  Hopefully, my situation will never have to reach a point that dire!

In conclusion, relax, I’m not looking to change religions or anything; I’m fully aware that Christianity’s the only way to heaven and eternal life. I’m just letting off some steam with a verbal rant about the unfairness of it all … don’t mind me.

Next post here … back at the beginning of this month, Leanne took me to see the Lion King musical; it was the bestest thing ever, and I’ve definitely gotta write a detailed post on that, so until then!

Cheers,

Em. ^^

Walk The Wall 2014

Has everyone heard of an organisation called ICC before? ICC stands for International China Concern and it’s an organisation that rescues abandoned and disabled children in China and looks after them. See, what with China being a relatively poor country, many families have disabled children they can’t afford to look after so abandon them. ICC finds these children and look after them.

Every year, they hold a fundraising event called Walk the Wall that raises money to support these abandoned and disabled kids. Basically, you find sponsors then walk a 10km stretch of the Great Wall to fundraise.

Obviously, Brisbane doesn’t have a Great Wall of China, so someone just maps out a 10km route in the city somewhere and all participants go hike that.

When Julz first approached me about participating in this fundraising event, I was like, “Sure, but can I wheel the wall, coz I honestly don’t think I’m capable of walking 10km.” She said that was fine, so I began looking for sponsors.

Only thing was, the first three people who agreed to sponsor me said they’d only sponsor me actually for the time I physically WALKED the wall!

Well, fair enough. Like I told Julz, since it’s for the abandoned and disabled kids of China, I plan to walk as far as I’m physically capable, then keel over with exhaustion and perish. Julz was very supportive, saying, “That’s fine. After you walk until you keel over with exhaustion and perish, I’ll pick you up, put you back into your wheelchair and push you the rest of the way.” Sounded like a plan to me! XD

Alas, not quite. Enter mother, the party-pooper. “No way,” she snapped. “That’s a stupid plan.”

“Aww mum, no it’s not! It’s very dramatic; you know, I walk and walk and walk, as far as I’m physically able until I collapse and die from exhaustion. But not to worry, because Julz has promised me that once I’ve perished, she’ll pick me up, put me back in my wheelchair and push me the rest of the way till the end! So I’m all set, see?”

No, alas, she didn’t see. “I said, that’s a stupid plan,” she repeated. “You walk some, you wheel some, repeat. Got it?”

*sigh* What did I say about party poopers? But I’m an obedient child, so I agreed to walking some and wheeling some. XD

Christy jie had Whatsapped me earlier, saying that she and Aunty Alice would come pick me up that Saturday morning at 7:15am. Cripes, that’s earlier than I’ve had to get up all year!

The good thing about having to wake earlier than usual was that I got to watch channel Seven’s Sunrise for once! I’d watched it nearly every morning with dearest dad before he drove me off to high school, and I’d also watched it every morning back when I was still imprisoned in the insane asylum (more commonly known to everyone else as the Brain Injuries Rehab Unit of the Princess Alexandra Hospital XD) back for most of 2007 and nearly half of 2008, but nowadays, with dearest dad having already gone to work and mother upstairs preparing herself for the day ahead I usually enjoy breakfast with just me, myself and I. XD

After munching down a very little ham and eggs on toast, I visited the bathroom once and waited until Christy jie and Aunty Alice arrived to pick me up. Sparkless 2 (my manual wheelchair’s name XD) was transferred into their car boot, I plopped in, and we were off!

Surprisingly, we made good time into the city; I’m presuming that was because it was a weekend (Saturday) and most people didn’t feel the need to get up nice and early to travel into the city for work.

When we arrived, Liam was already there! Hugs all around~

Dunno why I couldn’t sit down in Sparkless2 and sign in, but hey. After I’d given my name and taken a 600mL bottle of water, I finally got to plant my bum into Sparkless2 and greet everyone else I knew as they arrived.

Before the walk started, I asked Julz to please come with me once to the loo. There weren’t any disabled toilets, but I managed alright in the normal ones, moving around slowly and safely.

I’d already told Julz that I’d try to walk as much as possible, but asked her please just to keep an eye on me, tell me when I started looking rather too haggard, and I’d sit and wheel for awhile, until she deemed I was well rested enough to start walking again. My only request was please to let me finish walking; like, I didn’t want to cross the finish line sitting in my wheelchair.

I honestly can’t remember whether I started the event walking or wheeling, but at some point, I got up and started plodding, with Julz guarding my back and someone like Peter Pie pushing Sparkless2 for me. He was funny, randomly taking some short video of me plodding away, to which I joked, “What, are you gonna send that into Funniest Home Videos so that everyone can have a good laugh at me?” XD

At some point, I sat down, and Julz pushed Sparkless2 away at a jog, saying we’d go ahead first so that when I started walking again, other people wouldn’t take as long to catch up. Peter Pie also had a turn pushing Sparkless2 for me, and Jacinta walked behind me for awhile.

And so I plodded, sat some, and plodded some more. I’d plodded to the entrance of some bridge and just sat down into Sparkless2 for a much-needed breather, when some volunteer lady walked over to where Julz and I were. “You’ve done very well to reach the halfway point,” she congratulated me (obviously, she’d seen me walking/hobbling/limping/staggering/you choose a verb :P to the bridge and knew I was obviously disabled), “how about you turn back and return to the starting and finish line? I hear there’s an awesome BBQ for you guys being prepared by some people.”

I was confused. “But isn’t this a 10km walk? You just said I’ve reached halfway; doesn’t that mean I’ve still got 5kms left to walk?”

“Oh, no!” the woman laughed. “This is a 10km event, yes, but there’s also a kids friendly option, which is only 5km. The 2.5km mark’s here; you can just turn around and walk back to the starting line; there’s some people returning back across the bridge now. Like I’ve said, there’s a great BBQ being prepared for all you guys!”

I look at Julz and ask her opinion. “What do you think? Should I turn back and just finish the 5km, or should I keep going and try my best to finish the 10km?”

Julz considers briefly, and then replies, “I think you should probably turn back. You look pretty tired already, and if you don’t want to miss out on the sausage sizzle, you should settle for the 5km.”

Well, fair enough. I was pretty tired, and what’s more, my idiot left foot was already wailing that she hurted. :o( (yes, incorrect grammar intentional. XD) See, I wear a yellow boot over my left foot and leg that enables me to walk short distances. For some reason, after my brain injury, my demented left ankle inverts (rolls out) every time she weight bears, meaning I seriously can’t walk if I’m not wearing the AFO (ankle foot orthosis). Actually, my idiot foot still rolls out even when I’m wearing the AFO, but she inverts into the boot, which then prevents her from rolling all the way out, hence why I can walk short distances.

So we turn around and start the 2.5km back. Same as with coming here, I wheel some, and then I walk some. Thanks to Julz who remembered that I wanted to finish on walking; when we neared the BBQs, people and everything else associated with this event, I got back up and walked (well, probably more limped by this point; my idiot ankle was seriously wailing that she really hurted (again, incorrect grammar intentional XD), but it wasn’t like I’d suddenly dissolve into a sobbing puddle of tears once I reached the finish line! XD)

Anyways, after I’d finished, I joined the line for the sausage sizzle, and when I reached the front, I told the serving lady, “Lots, please; I’m really hungry!” she laughed and stuck another sausage into the slice of bread for me! XD Alas, while nowadays my demented left hand is more or less useless, my right hand has lost much of her dexterity, meaning that while I was munching my sausage on bread, one sausage fell out and hit the ground! >< Julz came over and gave it an instant burial, kicking some dirt over it, so that I could no longer see it. XD

We posed for several photos; Julz also came over to say that I’d walked for one hour and thirty-five minutes. That was both good and bad; good that I’d managed to walk for so long, but seriously retarded to think that I’d only managed to walk like 1.3 km of a 5km walk and that still took ninety-five minutes! Sheesh. ><

Christy jie and Aunty Alice tootled me home; leaving the television volume on full blast before they left so that anyone approaching our house would think that it was occupied.  

And that was Walk the Wall 2014! By the next morning, my demented left ankle had developed a blister where she inverts and slams into the AO, which made walking rather painful instead of just merely difficult for several days, but it healed up within several days.

Hopefully, I’ve managed to raise several hundred dollars for International China Concern! Peter Pie was awesome; he actually put together a few short clips and several photos of me and others doing Walk the Wall this year, made a little movie and uploaded it onto Facebook, so now I feel like a movie star! XD

Next post here … well, I’ve been seriously neglecting a movie review I intended to put up months back; maybe I’ll finally get that up! Anyways, until then~

Cheers,

Em. ^^