literacy

I’ve always been a dunce at maths. Well, not really a dunce. I graduated high school maths B with a high credit, and can still recite pi to five decimal places. But maths isn’t my forte.
Rather, the English language is. I’m fine with reading and writing, have a fairly extensive vocab, etc.
Back in 2007, when God destroyed my life, I was hoping/thinking that he’d only left me with a physical disability. More than one carer/life coach/support worker/whatever they’re called now :P has told me the same thing. “I see you as a young woman with only a physical disability.”
So I was considerably upset to discover that my English skills have deteriorated considerably post-brain injury.
I’m a writer and reader of fanfiction. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, fanfiction is when you write your own story borrowing characters from someone else’s book. Say, if you were reading Harry Potter, but decided that Harry shouldn’t have gone out with Ginny, but rather Hermione and you wrote out a story along those lines. That’d be fanfiction. I used to write several stories too. You can find them at www.fanfiction.net. My username is ‘pactumserva’.
But I was re-reading some stories I’d written before my brain injury, and I was very distressed to discover that I didn’t understand some of the words that I’d written myself.
I mean, I know that God has left me very physically disabled, but I truly thought that at the very least, my grasp of the English language hadn’t deteriorated!
I honestly was shattered that I had to look up two of the words I’d written up in the dictionary. Like, I often do have to look up words I come across when reading Lillian’s blog (but you’re just awesome, Lillian, so it’s really no surprise, see? :P) but I honestly hadn’t expected that I wouldn’t be able to comprehend MY OWN WRITING! ><
That brought me back to this Bible passage we’d recently studied during bible study at SHINE fellowship. Coming from first Corinthians 1:9, it reads, “God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Now, either I have found a mistake in the Bible, or else I’m just a very immature Christian who has gotten everything all muddled up. Probably the latter.
The dictionary defines ‘faithful’ as “true to one’s words, promises, vows, etc.”
Now, if god really was faithful, would he really have wantonly destroyed my life like he has done?
Every night, in bed, I ask myself what did I do/didn’t do that made God hate me so much that he totally destroyed my life almost five years ago. I mean, was it that I didn’t pray enough? Read the Bible enough? Give enough offering? Sing songs of praises to him loud enough? God’s never given me an answer. I remember back in 2007 and 2008, lying in my hospital bed, crying out to God, asking him how long he would hate me for? Would five years be enough? I asked him. After five years, will you turn your hatred onto someone else and let me try to recover the shattered shards of my life? I mean, there are at least 6 840 507 000 other people in the world. Surely, surely, one of them must be more hateful than I am to God!
But come February, 2011, five years will have passed since God looked down from heaven, decided that I really pissed him off and so destroyed my life. It’s looking increasingly unlikely that after five years, God will leave me alone to recover the shattered shards of my life and turn his hatred onto one of the numerous number of people on the world. That’s okay. I’ll keep struggling, I’ll keep persevering. Maybe after ten years, he’ll finally have decided to hate someone more than me. I just pray that it’ll be soon. I mean, I’m 24.5 years old. These should be the best days of my life! I should be getting a job, earning money, looking for a boyfriend and thinking of starting a family. Instead, God’s just left me discarded by the roadside, too disabled to be of any use to society. 
*sigh* life sucks, I know that. I’m used to it.
Next post here … well, I still haven’t posted about WAUFAKAP, nor the movie review of the movie mother and I went to see awhile back! Lol, I’m falling behind. XD anyways, cya when I cya!
Cheers,
Em. ^^