vincent the physio

lol, i must be more demented than i first thought, writing a post about vincent the physio! :P
but we have a love-hate relationship. :P see, he loves to torture me, and when he does that, i HATE him! XD
'twas mother who first started seeing him. see, when we were living @ aunty a's for several months while our current house was still being built, the poor woman somehow managed to hurt her back and couldn't sit down. >< like, she could lie down or stand, but sitting wasn't an option. in her desperation, she rang aunty catherine/ping yee and asked her to please find a physio for her. "anyone," she said, over the phone. "i don't care if it's male or female, aussie or asian. i just need to see a physio for my poor back."
and that was how we first came into contact with vincent the physio. i actually can't remember this, but mother actually tells me that before my brain injury, i'd gone to see him too, coz i had a sore hand after playing baddy too enthusiastically, and vincent the physio had taught me some exercises with rubber bands.
after my brain injury, the parents booked me in once per week for him to gimme a massage. then, somehow, they came up with the crazy notion of him giving me twice per week, and that's when our love-hate relationship began. XD
actually, for all i gripe about him and refer to him in my blog posts as 'vincent the bloody physio', he's actually very nice to me!
quite awhile back, when our downstairs area was still covered with carpet, he walked me over there and sat me down. then he sat accross from me, @ the other end and said, "hey em, come over to me here." i just grumbled @ him, "i don't wanna. why should i? you come over here."
somehow the man must've known that i often say, "the way to my heart is through my stomach. feed me and i'll love you forever." coz he coaxed me with, "you like shallot-flavoured pancakes, don'tcha em? well, come over to where i am and i'll buy you some next week when i come here."
well, what could i say? i LOVE shallot-flavoured pancakes! and i've got one good arm and one good leg (i'm hemiplegic, meaning half my body's crook; for me, that's the left half) so i kinda bum-shuffled over to where he was sitting, tapped his shoulder then cheered, "yay, you gotta get me some shallot-flavoured pancakes now! you PROMISED!" he laughed, but true to his word, he did! one happy arvo tea for me. nomnomnom~
when i went to see him the next week for physio, i thanked him sincerely for them. "you mean you were alright after having them?" he asked me.
"of course not, they were really yummy! thanks heaps!"
"you mean you didn't get sick after eating them?"
"why would i? what happened to you?"
and oh, the poor man! he'd eaten some, then gone to work on a patient. a tummyache had hit him, which he tried @ first to ignore, but it only got worse and eventually, he had to say to the patient, "excuse me for a few minutes," run to the nearest toilet and have diahorrea! >< mother and i were rather mystified, coz we'd eaten some too, yet we'd been fine.
anyways, some months ago, mother and i had been eating @ some asian restaurant also in pinelands after i'd endured a torture session with him. mother notices that there are shallot-flavoured pancakes on the menu and we order some. nomnomnom~
suddenly, a wave of guilt hits me. i tell mother, "mother, i feel really guilty about that time when vincent the physio bought me and you some shallot-flavoured pancake to eat and we were fine, but he ate some too then had to flee to the loo while seeing a patient. could we please buy some back for him this time?
mother laughs and agrees. i make the long hike back to his unmanned shop, but it's empty, so i ding the bell to get his attention.
vincent wanders out, and before he says anything i thrust the takeaway container with the shallot-flavoured pancakes @ him. "here, i bought you some back," i blurted @ him. "coz that time you bought me some and got sick, i felt so guilty! hope this time you're okay, too." he laughs, says thank-you, and we leave.
the next week, when i see him again, the first thing i ask him was, "were you alright after eating the shallot-flavoured pancakes?" and phew, he was. but you can understand why he's never offered to buy me food again! XD
actually, but he did get me more food once! there was a time when he'd come over to torture me on saturdays. after one such session, he mentioned as he was leaving that he was going to yatala next to see a patient. "really?" says i, "can you please bring me back a bacon, steak and cheese pie back from yatala pies?" and he did! just before dinner, there was a ding! @ our door - vincent the physio with my pie! :D
@ christmas the year before, i'd printed him and kat jie jie a christmas card from our printer. but last christmas, he said that he wanted me to DRAW him one! "but mate, i can't draw!" i protested. "but it's more personal that way," he replied, "please?" fine. so the night before i had to see him again, mother passed me a clean sheet of paper from the printer and i began drawing. first, i drew me praying @ night, "dear god, can you please smite vincent the physio with lightning?" next, i drew mother yelling @ me, "em, that's not very nice. draw sth nice." right. back to the drawing board. next i draw me praying to god again. "dear god, could you please let vincent the physio win several hundreds of millions of dollars in the gold lotto so him and his wife can bugger off overseas forever and leave me alone?"
the third picture was of me on MSN Messenger one night, and a friend saying, "emily, you do realise that your chances of winning gold lotto are even smaller than your chances of ever being hit by lightning?"
back to the drawing board again. this time, i'm praying, "dear god. change of plans. SMITE him down with lightning!"
over the page. vincent and his wife, kat, are dating. they're holding hands, love hearts are floating around them, when suddenly ... KAPOW!! he gets FRIED by lightning!
the second-to-last picture i draw is his wife going on the phone. "000. help! i need an ambulance! my husband's just gotten fried by lightning!"
and the last scene: poor vincent looking like a corpse on the hospital bed and me waltzing in. i say, "hello vincent the physio, i hope you get better soon! see, i even bought you some flowers." and i drew several flowers on the card. :P when mother read the card, she shook her head and said i was an evil child, but when i presented the card to him just before christmas, he just laughed. XD
fast forward almost four months. i say to him, "look, mate, it's my birthday this sunday. this time, it's your turn. will you please draw me a card? look, it's your chance for revenge. you can strike me down with lightning too, or you can get me run over by a car, or you can have me shot with a gun. like i said, it's your chance for revenge. please will you draw me a card?" he laughed and agreed.
Two days before my birthday, I went to see him for my torture session. I’d planned to wait until the end of the session before asking him did he remember to draw my card, but when I walked into his shop he immediately handed it to me.
The front cover was of a person smiling as a lightning bolt speared down towards them, and another person that was yelling “nooo!!!” who got struck by the lightning bolt instead. I laughed and asked was that me getting struck by the lightning bolt and yelling “nooo!!!” and was that him just standing there and smiling.
“of course not,” he replied, mock-offended, “that’s you, about to get hit by the lightning bolt, and that’s me, yelling ‘nooo!!!” and pushing you outta the way and getting hit by the lightning bolt instead.”wow. I’m feeling loved here!
Inside the card, he’d written, “dear em wish you have huge huge progress this year otherwise your horrible physio will haveta torture you some more.” And, on the inside, his wife had written, “dear em, happy birthday!!! Kat and Vincent” meaning I gave him points for drawing me such a cool card, but I took away points coz he was too lazy to just SIGN it! XD
But one more awesome thing he’s done for me: last year, mother and I had gone to see the movie despicable me, and my favourite character(s) in the movie was the minions the evil guy had used to perform his tasks for him. I especially liked the one-eyed ones, and requested one for Christmas. I even taught my stupid left hand (the side that doesn’t work anymore) a story to explain why I wanted one. See, my teddy bear often tells me every night, “em, I’m very jealous of you, you know. See, you’ve got four eyes”-ela (emily’s left arm; one day, if I find the time, I’ll write a post about the names all my body parts have) would stick out four fingers –“your mum’s got four eyes-” ela would stick out four fingers again -“and your dad’s got four eyes!” ela would stick out four fingers again. Then, my teddy bear would continue, “but I’ve only got two eyes!” ela would poke out two fingers. Anyways, if em can’t get a one-eyed minion for Christmas, she’ll get a two-eye one, and I get to pull off one eye and have it for myself. That way, I’ll have three eyes! Ela would stick out three fingers. Lol, I had fun telling this story to lotsa ppl, but mother just said, “don’t be disgusting, em! That’s gross!” but dad went online, printed a picture of one from the internet and showed it around to his customers as he went around delivering packaging for them. “do you know where my wife and I can get one of these?” he’d ask, “my daughter wants one for Christmas.”
What I didn’t know was that dad had actually shown that picture to Vincent the physio too! And the silly man even spent several coins on some UFO catcher, trying to get me one! That’s impossible, you know no-one ever gets anything from UFO catchers! So, instead, Vincent went online and ordered me one from ebay for Christmas!!! The funny thing was that, whilst travelling here from around NSW somewhere, it’d managed to get lost, meaning what was supposed to be a Christmas present actually came as a chinese new year present! XD
But yeah, as much as I despise the man when he’s giving me a torture session, there’s no denying that he’s a very good physio. Hopefully, my physical condition will continue to improve, and one day, maybe I won’t haveta see him anymore! XD
Next post here … prolly Sunday. See, the physio’s wife has invited our family over to their house for dinner on Saturday! I’m suspecting that Vincent justs wants to poison my food, so I’ll be six feet under by the next time I’m due for another bloody torture session with him, but mother scoffs @ me if that was really the case, he’d just refuse to see me again. XD righteo, until then!
Cheers,
Em. ^^