summer reflections

well, today's the last day of summer. gonna haveta wait like nine months before it comes back around again.
actually, this summer has actually been quite bearable for me. i don't think it's been as hot as previous summers over the past few years.
the main reason for that would probably be the floods. while i was extremely lucky not to have been affected by them personally, poor mother often complained she was growing mouldy, what with all this wet weather. :p dad was affected too - one day, he arrived home from work @ 3pm! when i asked him what he was doing home so early, (dad usually doesn't arrive home til after 6:30) he shrugged his shoulders and said the place where he was delivering to had been flooded, and the police had ordered him to make a U-turn. when he'd rung his boss, uncle david, he was told, 'go home. you can't deliver through the floods."
well, tomorrow marks a new season - autumn! it's my favourite season, coz (1) the heat starts creeping away (not that it really manifested itself this time around) and (2) my birthday's in autumn! i'm turning twenty-four - finally coming back to the 'th' numbers. (remember, twenty-one's 'st', twenty-two's 'nd' and twenty-three's 'rd'.) fingers crossed that mother'll actually lemme throw a birthday bash this time around - i'm thinking kareoke @ neway (i haven't been since i fell sick - more than four years!) or lunch @ the pancake manor (is that what it's called? i went there once with some church ppl before i got sick, so again, it's been more than four years!) also hoping that mother'll lemme find a couple of friends and ask them to have lunch with me to celebrate. dear erika (the awesome book club lady) has already said we can go to the glen hotel for lunch together. :)
actually, my next post should come on thursday - book club! :D sadly, i've given up hope that mother will find her heart and lemme take the elevator up; no, she'll gleefully FORCE me to hike up the stairs; nor will she take me through the red rooster drive-thru for some dinner, but hey, it never hurts to ask. and it'll be great to see all the awesome ladies again.
until thursday!
cheers,
em. ^^

lunch with my australian godmother3

hehe, yay, i FINALLY got to eat @ the coffee club!
i LOVE the eggs benedict - actually, i love the sauce. will someone please get me a jar of hollandaise sauce for my bday? :P
surprisingly, mother let me have the eggs benedict with bacon! :D usually, she restricts me to just having it with ham. sadly, she wouldn't lemme have a yummy chocolate thickshake this time. :( but fingers crossed for better luck next time!
i had a yummy iced chocolate instead. i'm not really a huge fan of cream, like how mother is. but i was ready to slurp the cream down, when mother reached for it!
"mother, that's MY drink!" i protested.
"either gimme the cream, or i'm taking some of your eggs benedict." she demanded. *sigh* fine, whatever ... :(
the funny thing was, when i rang dad earlier, he asked me to share some with him too! but i explained to him, "dad, you can't doggy bag food from the coffee club." and he lemme have my meal to myself. :)
'twas awesome seeing mrs. dent again, though. :) one of the first things she told me was that nana had received my letter! :D hopefully, i'll get a reply from her in the coming weeks - but lol, nana's writing is so flowery i usually need mother's help to decipher it! :P
unsurprisingly, mother was her usual scathing self - i always cop lotsa flak from her. >< but that day, poor donna baker did too! donna's mum's childcare colleague whose also a nurse working in the mater mothers hospital, looking after the tiny premature babies.
much thanks to mrs. dent who shouted us! she had some vegetarian foccacia (sp?), while mother tried some 'taste of thai' thing. lol, she prolly chose it so i couldn't ask to trade any with her - thai food's often covered with peanuts, and i've a nut allergy! >< makes me wonder how thai people with a nut allergy survive in their country. :P
well, we're prolly not gonna see mrs. dent til my birthday - she and mr. dent are off holidaying somewhere, towing their caravan! but she promises that she'll be back in brisbane for my 24th birthday. :)
my next post for this blog'll prolly come on my 24th birthday, hey. i don't forsee anything interesting happening until then ...
cya next month!
cheers,
em. ^^

hatred

you know ... i've come to the conclusion that god HATES me. :( more than i hate him, anyhow.
i remember when i was still in hospital back in 2007 and 2008 ... i'd be sleeping. then god would sent me some awful, horrible frightening dream about how i was all alone, forever and ever, and i'd wake up absolutely terrified. the first thing i'd do, after being jolted suddenly into wakefulness, would be to curl up into a ball, clench my eyes as tightly shut as possible, and pray, "dear god, i'm so sorry, but i'm so scared, i feel so alone. PLEASE, i BEG you, when i open my eyes, PLEASE can you still let my parents still be here for me? i'll do anything you want god, anything. do you want me to sing louder during worship? or pray more? or give more offering? please, god, i'll do ANYTHING, but PLEASE let my parents still be here for me! yet every time i opened my eyes, i was always alone, all by myself in that dark hospital room, all alone. and i'd be absolutely shattered, absolutely devastated. i'd cry myself back to sleep, only for god to send me another terrifying, horrible nightmare.
so it's no surprise that when i first came outta the hospital, i had to catch up on all those hours of sleep i'd missed. like, i'd sleep till almost midday, then get up and eat brunch, do a lil sth. around 3pm, i'd say, "mother, i'm tired, i'm going for an afternoon nap." but an afternoon nap wouldn't be like for thirty minutes, it'd be more like three or four HOURS. i'd get up around 7pm, have dinner, then @ like around 9pm, i'd announce, "mother, i'm tired, bedtime now." and the cycle would again repeat itself. it reached the stage where mother was seriously considering taking me to see a doctor, coz it obviously couldn't be normal for someone to need so much sleep. luckily, around that time, i began to pull out of it, and now i only need the usual eight hours like everyone else does.
but how come i still believe that god hates me? well, can someone please explain to me would someone that claimed to love you treat you like how god's treated me? i still wonder everyday what it was that i did/didn't do that caused god to become so pissed off with me that he turned my life into a living terror. coz sadly, yes, i live my entire day in fear now. from the moment i wake up, i start fearing that mother/someone else will gleefully force me to walk here and there. the only time that fear goes away is when i'm sitting in front of the computer for the PISSY two hours of net time that mother so gleefully restricts me to, but really, i can only enjoy my first ninety minutes or so, because after that i start thinking that mother will come soon to gleefully force me offline. the only other time of the day that happens is when i collapse into bed @ night, because by then, i'm just so bloody exhausted, having lasted the whole bloody day all for mother's pleasure and satisfaction, that i'm simply just to exhausted to fear anymore. the fear can come back tomorrow.
but nothing's in my hands, after all, everything's in god's hands. guess i'll just haveta hold fast to my belief that one day, god will turn his wrath on any one of the 6,901,900,000 other people in this world, and he'll leave me alone, and i'll be free to recover the shards of my shattered life, such as he's left of it. and i cannot wait for that day! :) anyways, dunno when my next post will come; oh, actually, prolly toms, coz i'm having lunch with my australian godmother again! :D until then~
cheers,
em. ^^

all's well ends well

well, last week (or the week before :P), mother gleefully forced me to watch some canto movie with her; "all's well ends well". i didn't wanna see it, coz we'd just had lunch with my australian godmother and i wanted to go home so i could actually enjoy my full two hours of net time that mother so gleefully restricts me to, coz i had toastmasters that evening, meaning i couldn't go online that night.
mother dumps me @ the seat and flounces off to buy tickets; thanks to some unknown random chic who passes me a tissue when she sees i have a leaky nose.
after a toilet trip, we head into the cinemas; i'm about to sit down in the front row when mother decides to gleefully force me to walk up two steps to the second row. i refuse @ first, then say "but i will if you'll buy us some popcorn to share. mother gleefully refuses, no biggie. i just sit down @ the front row; mother herself flounces up further to watch the movie. i'm cool with that, it just means both thumbs can gently tuck inside my palm for the whole movie.
Imdb doesn't seem to have any goofs, trivia or quotes from this movie, so here's my own review:
personally, i thought the movie was stupid. i mean, characters with names like 'smoothie' and 'dream'? sounds ridiculous to me.
i admit, i mostly relied on the subtitles. i'm aware that my canto skills have improved vastly post-brain injury, but i couldn't be bothered thinking that much. :P
there also wasn't any nice music. :(
and lol, i can't even remember if there were any nice fighting scenes! well, if there were, it wasn't much.
all in all, i really dunno why uncle calvin recommended this movie to us. waste of a good afternoon. :( but mother still waited until the credits were all over before coming back down from wherever she'd decided to sit and take me back home.
anyways, dunno when my next post will come. don't think anything special's planned until my birthday. until then!
cheers,
em. ^^

valentine's day

happy valentine's day, everyone. :)
my dearest dad was very romantic - he found some red paper in the house, cut out a big love heart and put that on the table for PIG mum to find. he also went outside to our backyard and snipped off a single, fragrant flower for PIG mum. :)
i yelled @ vincent the bloody physio for being so bloody unromantic, when i was over @ unique physiotherapy for my torture session with him.
"did you buy kat jie jie any flowers?" i asked him.
"nope."
"well, that's bloody unromantic of you. go buy her some when you have your lunch break today."
"but they'll die if i just put them in the car, it's really hot today."
"then buy her some chocolates."
"but they'll melt if i put them in the car."
"then just buy her a teddy bear. you gotta buy her STH, you know. sheesh, you gotta get her SOMETHING, you can't be so bloody unromantic on valentine's day!" :P
as for me, valentine's day doesn't really hold any significance. everytime i think about whether i'll be in any relationship ever, i'm reminded of when PIG mum jeered @ me, "you'll never have a boyfriend/get married. no-one would ever want somebody as disabled as you."
well, that's fine. i've never really dreamt of me one day being married. guess i'll just haveta be aunty a to the generation that comes after me. :p
anyways, dunno when my next post is. my aunty nga's bday was two days ago, dr. mor's (PIG mum's boss) is in another eight day's time, and mine's next month! maybe i'll haveta wait until then - oh, unless i write about the next JUST fellowship meeting i attend.
until then!
cheers,
em. ^^

NAB clinic

well, the NAB clinic that's run by UQ, for the last year physio students to get some prac work done. it's supervised by one or two qualified adult physiotherapists.
NAB actually stands for Neurological, Aging and Balance. i attend for the Neurological and Baslance part, not the aging - i'm not even twenty-four yet! :P
coz they're students, i can ask for a walkbelt before they watch me walk inside the gym. and i know i'm safe with them, coz i've been promised, "we'd never let you fall, emily. coz if we did, we'd fail this prac, and we don't really wanna come back and repeat another five weeks here."
the thing i hate most about the NAB clinic is the evil tilt table. i hope whoever invented that evil contraption's no longer alive! :P see, the tilt table's just like any normal plinth you lie down upon. but, after you're securely strapped in, you get UPENDED 180 degrees! >< i don't like it, coz it hurts my left calf/ankle. once, when katrina had me strapped to it, i squawked, 'katrina, my left ankle/calf really, REALLY hurts! ><" but the evil woman just laughed, "oh, that's because i'm not just a physiotherapist, but a physioTERRORIST." WELL, I'M GLAD SOME-ONE FOUND THE SITUATION FUNNY, IF NOT ME.
ALSO, KATRINA SOMEHOW ONCE REDUCED ME TO YEARS, AND A WELL-MEANING ASIAN MALE STUDENT SAID, "THERE, THERE, NO MORE SHOWERS. YOU'LL BE RIGHT." I WAS MOCK-OFFENDED, AND SAID, "NEXT TIME, JUST CALL ME PUDDLES, PLEASE. AUSTRALIA'S IN DROUGHT NOW." sorry, long shrieking! >< but the next time katrina reduced me to tears, she said, "you're not showers, you're a bloody TSUNAMI!" lol... :P
one more good thing about the NAB clinic is that because you're not treated by fully qualified students, just students, they only charge you twenty-five bucks. vincent the bloody physio charges me forty-five - fifty bucks, and apparently that's already mates rate!
well, when NAB fully resumes in march, i'll attend twice a week. i also haveta see vincent the bloody physio twice a week, too. :( argh, it's happening again ... sonner or later (prolly sooner, knowing my luck) i'll be back to physio a bloody six days a week, my only day of rest being sunday. :S ah well, it's said what doesn't KILL you should only make you STRONGER :S
until next time (valentine's day, maybe?)
cheers,
em. ^^

bookclub! (feb)

well, tonight we had our monthly bookclub @ the logan north library! we discussed the book 'dear fatty', the autobiography of the british (i think?) comedian dawn french.
she's written her book not in chapters, but in letters, like, to her dad (who committed suicide by gassing himself in their family car><) and to madonna (she reverts back to very low-class english when she's talking to madonna, dunno why). my favourite part of her book: when she was a lil girl, she liked climbing under her parents bed and pretending to hide. only, her parents' bed was one of those old beds with springs underneath. and one night, while she was hiding under the bed, her fast asleep dad rolled around in the bed. the springs compressed, her poor fingers got squished, and ... owww. >< her cries awoke her father, who leapt outta to see what the matter was. but oh dear, her father has a habit of sleeping stark naked! miss french saw this long, hairy thing dangling from between his legs, and decides that some MONSTER's trying to attack her precious dad! well, considering he had just saved her from certain finger death from the evil bed, she decides to return the favour, and LUNGES for that long, hairy, dangly thing between her father's legs, and tries to pull it off! Pull It Off! PULL IT OFF! now, being only about three years old, she doesn't understand why her father's helplessly laughing his head off. but, eventually, he calms her down and back into bed. dawn says she never saw that long, hairy dangly thing again, so she presumes that her dad must've taken it to the vet and had it put down. :P
it's always awesome seeing all those lovely ladies and having a great chat with them. it's also nice to have a cuppa and munch on bikkies. okay, so i was a PIG today who nabbed TEN, but i promise in the future i'll just restrict myself to eight. :P besides, mother didn't care to feed me dinner tonight, so yeah.
anyways, the book we're doing for march is some book about WW1 written by some guy who died in 1970. somehow, i don't think it'll be quite as funny as this one we've just done.
oh, one more thing: amanda says that in the library there's this shelf of unloved books. it's where books that haven't been borrowed for more than six months have been relocated. :P
i guess the only downside to the bookclub was that PIG mum gleefully FORCED :( me to walk up the many steps of stairs to the library and gleefully FORCED :( me to walk down them afterwards. i prolly get especially pissed because there is a bloody ELEVATOR right beside the stairs, which i highly suspect was built for mobility impaires ppl, i.e. ME! but hey ... :(
anyways, next post here should prolly come toms - i had UQ physio today! until then~
cheers,
em. ^^

LOST! >< eep...

well, fifi (my carer and i) certainly didn't intend to get lost last night!
see, after toastmasters last night, i wanted to have KFC for dinner, and squeaky voice guy (a member of toastmasters who's name i keep forgetting, sorry ate! ><) told us to take the klumpp road exit.
first problem: fifi didn't know how to get back on the highway after we left QUT. driving along in the middle of some road, she just suddenly stopped! "eep!" i squeaked, reaching over and immediately flicking her hazard lights on, "fifi, what are you doing?!" the car/s behind us also hooted their displeasure.
-but we eventually made it onto the highway, and took the klumpp road exit. but ... how does one get to KFC after that? well, neither fifi nor i had the slightest clue. so she pulled up @ some petrol station and rang just better care to let them know we were well and truly lost. i asked to ring the parents to let them know that we were safe, just running ridiculously late, but she suddenly said, "oops i need to buy more credit; mine's just run out." several minutes later, back with credit, i try ring PIG mum. nope, no response. then i try to ring dearest dad, who phew, answers. dad tells us to just go through the drive-thru for dinner.
-finally, i recognise that we're somewhere along logan road, and give fifi directions back to the warrigal road maccas. i just order a chicken caesar wrap small meal with an orange juice; i'm too tired to spend time browsing the menu for yummy things. dinner is eaten @ 10:20pm!
-finally, we make it back home @ 10:30pm! i get kicked to bed immediately, after the usual nightly routine. PIG mum demands an explanation as to why i'm back so late; futhermore, she jeers @ me that CODA'll prolly further cut my hours! ><
-hopefully fifi made it home safely~ she lives far far away, in boronia heights!
-anyways, 'twas an interesting fiasco; i admit, i sincerely hope that fifi never takes me to toastmasters again! :P
-next post should come toms night - our once-a-month bookclub is on! :D until then~
cheers,
em. ^^

lunch with my australian godmother2

well, mrs. dent contacted PIG mum for lunch again, coz her daughter's all married now! PIG mum claimed she chose sunni cafe again. i don't really mind sunni cafe, honestly, the food there's nice - but they don't serve eggs benedict! >< guess i'll haveta send mrs. dent a facebook message and ask if we can please go to the coffee club next time. :)
mrs. dent arrived late, coz poor mr. dent needed mrs. dent to help him syringe his ear! he wears a hearing aid coz he had to heft a heavy machine gun during the vietnam war, which put his ear outta whack.
i had yummy sweet and sour chicken with fried rice, mrs. dent had a simple toasted cheese sandwich, and PIG mum had sth like vermicelli.
lotsa thank-yous to PIG mum who managed to control herself throughout lunch and managed not to diss anyone, as is her wont!
mrs. dent also showed us her daughter's and darron's wedding photos! i think her new son-in-law is half german and half sth else ... scandinavian? they looked beautiful, BTW. especially there's this photo of the two sisters, which mrs. dent says she's gonna get enlarged.
i think the daughter that got married is the drummer, not the teacher?
and they went to canada for their honeymoon and snowboarded for the first time! poor them, though, leaving cana @ like minus twenty degrees and coming back to stinking hot brisbane , which's like thirty-odd degrees! :P i'm not complaining, though, this summer's actually been quite bearable, not too hot - think all the rain and floods we had dampened down the heat, for which i'm very grateful. :)
anyways, if nothing comes up, my next post will prolly arrive on valentines day - unless sth cool happens @ toastmasters tonight, in that which case there'll be a new post toms! until then~
cheers,
em. ^^

C&MA meeting thing

well, yesterday arvo, wells rang PIG mum, told her that there was some C&MA meeting thing happening and would she like to attend! PIG mum turned the offer down, coz she had to work today - so wells offered the opportunity to go to me instead! i decided i'd attend that instead of the SHINE prayer meeting. here's what happened:
-wells and jacinta came to pick me up! PIG mum jeered @ me that sparkless wouldn't fit into well's boot, but jacinta reassured me that she'd help me walk wherever i needed to. :)
-wells tootled us off to ... wherever it was, listening to someone like nelly furtado.
-when we got there, jacinta helped me once to the loo, then bill armstrong greeted me! 'twas great to see him! :D ela gave him a clumsy one-armed hug; era was still holding onto jacinta's hand.
-karson directed us to sit in the front row.
-did you know, kitty's not only pregnant, she's expecting TWINS! :D
-kenneth led worship; some stood, some sat. i didn't sing anything out aloud, of course, but i did clap along with two songs.
-then some missionary and his wife spoke about their trip to cambodia, complete with slideshow.
-next was a prayer for the missionaries. only nature was calling. >< jacinta helped me to the toilet again, and luckily, i got back before the prayer ended. i also sat @ the back row - much comfier chairs ;)
-some speaker spoke, but didn't give us any topic. basically, he talked about giving yourself to god.
-one of aunty sue's sons nodded, smiled and waved to me during the sermon.
-actually, before the service started, someone came over and greeted me, saying, "do you recognise me?" when i sheepishly shrugged my shoulders, indicating, "dunno who you are, sorry," she laughed and said, "i'm linda, bill armstrong's wife!" 'twas great to see her after, like, four years! bill came over for a hug, too, and i told them my sad story. linda said sth about inviting us over to their place for dinner, so i gave her our home phone.
-near the end, we were all asked to stand. i stood too, and when we were asked to please raise a hand if we wanted to be prayed for, i raised my hand. and karson came behind me, put both his hands on my shoulders, and prayed for me. :)
-also thanks to smoky jie jie who bought me this really pretty woven bracelet! she knows my favourite colour's blue. :)
-also, some girl (i've forgotten her name, sorry) came over and said she wanted to be my friend and asked for my e-mail address. she says she's got epilepsy but doesn't react to flashing lights?
-i also saw uncle derek! and some familiar looking taiwanese guy, who said he had treated me in the NAB clinic!
-time to get home, i held jacinta's hand and walked back to wells's car. turns out wells was driving uncle phillip home, too!
-for some reason, we got stuck in the highway! i rang PIG mum to let her know, and got growled @ coz i'd woken her from her beauty sleep. i just asked her if she could please microwave me some dinner coz i hadn't eaten anything since arvo tea; she said she'd tell dad to.
-but when i arrived home, dad marched me straight into the bathroom! dinner for me was just one yummy tim tam and one small plastic cup of milk. other than that, repeat the usual nightly routine.
-anyways, i dunno when my next post will come about ... if nothing special happens, you won't hear from me again until valentine's day.
cheers,
em. ^^

CNY

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, everyone!!! :D
it's a public holiday in hong kong, of course.
for unmarried, child-less people like me, it means i can score red pockets! too bad it's not a practice observed in australia. :P also too bad that the last time i received red pockets (jan/feb 2010) the parents decided to use all my money to shout the family dinner - without asking me first! >< not that i minded, of course, but it just would've been more polite to ask first rather than just deciding for me, yeah?
i guess this year, CNY is also less of a celebration for me coz this year, CNY falls on the same day that god chose to turn my life into a living hell four years ago by smiting me down with a brain tumour. ><
i wanted to replace the memory of a dreadful day with some better memories, so i called mother downstairs and asked her if she could please take me to maccas for breakfast. unfortunately, she refused, coz we were going out for lunch with kylie today. :(
but tonight should be good fun - we're going to uncle chi wah's place to have dinner! voem's incredibly hopeful he'll receive a red pocket or two - he wants to buy himself one more eye, see. :P
poor dad will haveta make lotsa international phone calls tonight! he's got four older sisters and one older brother - that's lotsa 'buy leen'(say that in canto) he's gotta do! :P mother's got it much easier - she's only got two younger sisters, and dearest grandma's up in heaven now, so she can't possibly ring her. dunno about her dad, though, who lives in the phillipines ... do they celebrate CNY in the phillipines?
as for me ... hopefully i'll continue to improve and get better. :)
until next post! (valentine's day, perhaps?)
cheers,
em. ^^

chinese new year's eve

not that we in australia celebrate it, but today's actually chinese new year's eve!
the day started pretty much the same as any other, dad came to kiss me goodbye before he left for work, bear bear, oem, voem and i all cuddled and snored happily until PIG mum poked me up with "fifteen more minutes." breakfast was the same as well, i got myself three weetbix with a lil honey. also the same was the toilet trip before going to see vincent the bloody physio, as was PIG mum gleefully forcing me to buckle my own seatbelt all day.
torture session with vincent the bloody physio made one difference, though - i fell. TWICE. >< it's only the start of feb, it's really not looking good for someone aiming for ten or less falls this year, hey ... ><
but afterwards, PIG mum tootled us off to plaza, and there was an underground carpark available where she would park, yay!
-up @ foodcourt, PIG mum left me leaning against something while she went to get me a chair to sit and watch the lion dancing from.
-there were some really young 'lions'! but they all performed great, even if only for way too short a length. and, the banging of drums and cymbals and whatnot was DEAFENING!
-afterwards, PIG mum gleefully FORCED :( me to walk all the way down to the newsagency to buy the day's paper, then gleefully FORCED :( me to walk all the way back up to foodcourt, where naz stuffed me a nice fat kebab for lunch.
-actually, i bought a milkshake off him too - for some reason, rainbow tea (the place where we usually buy all our pearl drinks) wasn't open yet! time was already ... 11am, @ least?
-back home, i tootled online till nobuko came and gave me a nice warm shower - hairwash today.
-but she fed me the perfect arvo tea, and gave ela a really long massage! besides, she taught me two new japanese words - 'kimi ga warui' means 'creepy' and 'ijiwarui' means 'mean'. i also fondly remember two more she taught me - 'kusai' meaning 'smelly' and 'namakemono' meaning 'lazy'. :P
-after she left, i returned online until aunty a arrived for chinese new year's eve dinner!
-dad made peking duck again! :D i also had one wee slice of charsiu and lotsa yummy wombok with rice.
-it's just too bad i can't ask aunty a for a red pocket - she's not married yet! :P i tried asking vincent the physio for one today, but he was evil and just smirked, "depends how well/hard you work next week." huh. ><
-well, i know toms is a public holiday in hong kong. sadly, it's not here, of course. but we're going to uncle chi wah's house for dinner toms night! wonder if i'll score any red pockets there ... :P
until tomorrow!
cheers,
em. ^^