I’m digging through my blog archives but can’t seem to find my Birthday Reflections for last year, even though I’m fairly sure I wrote them. Never mind~
Anyways, I thought I’d better start this the night before coz I remember several years back me writing these reflections literally MINUTES before I turned another year older! XD
This one’s a big birthday for me, see; I’ll be turning the ripe old age of THIRTY! I’m rather apprehensive to see if I’ll reach it; see, for my 20th, the cruel and unfaithful God had already smote me down with the disabling brain tumor, meaning I spent my 20th birthday lying half-dead in the ICU; I can’t help feeling slightly nervous that every time I head out into the open, a HIPPO will fall on my head and knock me unconscious, thus making me miss my 30th, too! >< However, I’ve been reassured by several people that it’s not a very common occurrence, hippos falling outta the sky and knocking people safe, meaning I *should* be safe. ‘Should’ being the operative word. XD
The year that’s passed with me being twenty-nine … well, ‘twas pretty much the same being twenty-eight the year before and twenty-seven the year before that, really. You don’t really have much of a life when you’re a useless disabled bum, you know. *sigh*
Let’s see … well, I’ve read some good books, watched some good movies and added to my teddy bear collection? Yes, all are named and yes, all my teddies are loved. <3
I can’t help but feel that the cruel and unfaithful God is wasting my life, though. Seriously, by the time you’re thirty, you should’ve finished your tertiary education like half a decade ago, you should be having a career, you should be having a family, you should be readying your parents for retirement. Instead, my parents are still working their butts off (well, dad is, anyway; I think mother’s only ever worked part-time ever since we came to Australia back in 1990) and here I am, disabled and useless. Yes, I hate myself for it, that I require help with even the most basic, simple of tasks and that I’m not as independent as I should be; more than that, though, I totally despise the cruel and unfaithful God who’s left me in this situation. Sure, you could argue that He didn’t do this to me; rather, He allowed it to happen, but my point is that He could have stopped this from happening but didn’t even bothering lifting a finger! >< *sigh*
But this post isn’t about God; rather, I’m reflecting on my birthday that’s about to arrive!
For the year ahead … only recently, as mother has started bitching to me about how all her peer aunties at church - the ones she has her very informal ‘fellowship’ with every Sunday (I’m not entirely sure why she calls it that because they only ever drink coffee together and gossip; I’m pretty sure they don’t actually do anything Biblical together, like read the Bible/pray) - are slowing down, nearing retirement and playing with their grandkids while she’s still stuck looking after me, driving me to all my physio appointments, etc. I actually Googled around and asked a few law firms was there any possibility of suing the incompetent surgeon who first screwed up my life; like, I realise no amount of money will magically fix all the physical disabilities I’ve been left with, but I’d just like to sue for enough to give my parents a comfortable retirement, you know? However, the replies I got were hopeless: apparently there’s some kinda Statute of Limitations thing, which means that once three years have passed since the negligent act was committed, you can’t sue for it anymore. *sigh*
But that’s not to say I don’t promise that everyday, I’ll get up, haul myself outta bed and try my hardest everyday to improve mobility. My main fear nowadays is of falling, because were I to fall over, I simply lack the physical capacity to get myself back upright again, meaning I’ll just have my arse planted on the floor waiting for someone to happen past and pull me back upright. At the ‘good’ physio this year, I’ve been practising how to get myself back upright without needing help so hopefully, if in the future I’m clumsy and end down onto the floor, I can get myself back upright without having to just sit there and wait for someone who can come and haul me back to my feet.
My attempt to return to tertiary studies has amounted to absolutely nothing, just as mother has told me all along. That’s okay; perhaps I’ll try find a steady paid job instead so I won’t haveta ask my parents for every single cent I wanna spend. XD However, mother seems to be very against that notion, also. *sigh* I mean, sometimes I can’t help but suspect that she gets a kick outta me having to rely on her for nearly everything …
Well, so there you have it. In a little over four hours, I’ll have reached the ripe old age of thirty. Hopefully mt thirties will be much more enjoyable than my twenties have been!
Next post here … maybe a movie review? Maybe a post about how I celebrated my birthday this year? Who knows! XD Anyways, until then~
Cheers,
Em. ^^
