Time flies by when you’re having fun, yeah? Well, actually,
time flies by even when you’re NOT having fun, coz suddenly, it’s the eve
before I turn twenty-six, and here are my reflections on what life as a
twenty-five year old has been like for me!
Sometimes (no, often, no, constantly XD) I fear I will be a
jobless, disabled and useless bum forever. Actually, technically, I’m not
‘jobless’, as I do some editing work for a church brother who technically
already has pretty good English, but because he grew up in Hong Kong before
coming over to Australia, there are parts of his written English I can help him
improve slightly. Besides, having the title ‘editor’ sounds much better than
‘jobless, disabled, useless bum. XD
Again, sadly, the constantly living in fear part still
applies to my daily life, but like I explained last year, I’ve learned to keep
it all inside my head; I’m fairly certain no-one saw me freaking out this year,
right? XD
Also again, my hopes for the coming year are identical to
the ones I had for last year, mainly, not to fall to my death anytime soon.
Actually, one of my former physios pinkie-promised me I wouldn’t fall to my
death for the next fifty years, so technically, I shouldn’t have to blog about
this fear of falling to death of mine until I’m seventy-five. XD Well then,
just my fear of falling over. I’ve got such atrociously appalling balance, see
…
Often, though, I really do despair at how the cruel and
unfaithful god has abandoned me. >< I mean, I’m at the age where I
should’ve finished my university degree, I should be starting a career, easing
my parents into retirement, starting a family of my own … instead, my poor
parents are still working their butts off and I still require a little help
with even the most basic of tasks, like showering. I sign up for this daily
devotion called ‘the word for today’; recently, I received one with the heading
‘believe God for your healing’. I told my mother, “at first, I did believe God
for my healing; I really believed that he could and would heal me, and after
that I would go around to all the churches in Brisbane, share my testimony and
say ‘look! God destroyed my life, but then he made me whole again!’ But God
didn’t heal me when I went in for some brain surgery at the end of 2008, nor
again at the beginning of 2009, and I’ve just come to the conclusion that he
simply doesn’t care about my life whatsoever. Only, it’s MY life, and it is of
utmost importance to me!!!><
Another hope that I have for the year to come is that I will
finally be able to secure a paid job and have some cash in which to buy my
parents wedding anniversary presents, birthday presents, etc. See, I’ve given
up on returning to tertiary studies; after I failed that neuro-psych exam back
in 2008, I’ve given up the hope of tertiary studies and aim instead to find a
secure paid job.
Actually, right now, I’m slightly grumpy, because dad won’t
let me celebrate my birthday tomorrow night with a meal out! Sure, for his
birthday, he chose to stay at home, but tomorrow’s MY birthday and the choice
should be MINE, yes? Anyhow, dad’s ordered I just have dinner at home. *sigh* Alas,
coz I was really hoping I could have dinner at Sizzlers, mainly because I
haven’t eaten at Sizzlers since DECEMBER 2011! It’s 2013 now, and I’m still
waiting … hai. ><
Oh, one more thing: ever since I was like ten, I developed a
habit of doing things the same age I was. Like, when I was fifteen, I’d brush
my teeth fifteen times. Um, no, I’d only brush them once, but each side would
get fifteen strokes, do you get me? Same with showering; I’d scrub each part of
my body fifteen times (when I was fifteen). However, mother once had me see
some counsellor and told her of this weird habit of mine. The counsellor asked
me, “Are you planning to do that forever, Emily? Like, when you’re fifty, will
you do everything fifty times?” Without giving it a second thought, I replied
offhandedly, “oh, no, I plan to leave it once I reach twenty-five. Like, when
I’m twenty-six I’ll still do everything twenty-five times.” It wasn’t until I
got home that I realised my careless remark actually had some merit to it; I
mean, can you imagine me brushing my teeth forever when I’m seventy-five (if
the cruel and unfaithful God hasn’t murdered me yet ><)? So yeah,
everything stops rising once I pass twenty-five, but I think for three nights
of the year, I’ll do the same number as my age. Like, come August the 29th,
my parents wedding anniversary, I’ll do everything to my age. And again for
Christmas. And the first day I turn a new age. Apart from that, I’ll just stick
with twenty-five.
Anyways, I’ve waffled on about my reflections on being
twenty-five long enough. Actually, one last thing (honestly! XD: last year, I
titled my post ‘reflections on being 24!’ and this year, I’ve titled this ‘reflections
on being 25!’ but I think ladies aren’t supposed to keep telling everyone how
old they are, so come march 19th, 2014, I will simply title my post
‘birthday reflections 2014’. XD
Next post here … well, I never got around to telling
everyone about the weeklong family holiday my parents and I took at the end of
January down to Sydney and back, nor have I told everyone about my birthday
celebrations for this year, but I think my next post will be to tell everyone
the story of my favourite teddy bear, who my mother will force into retirement
the day after my birthday. I’ve got lotsa stories to share about him! Righteo,
until then~
Cheers,
Em. ^^
